What does this behavior tell you about this husband?

Question

4 months ago I found out my husband had an internet affair that began when I was 7 months pregnant. I didn't find out til this past June, after I almost died from gallbladder surgery. He tried to justify the affair by saying it was because I stayed in comfortable, pajama type clothes all day and that's not attractive. I think that was a lame assed excuse. I am not fat, sloppy, I DO get dressed everyday but he comes home for lunch and often saw me in loungers. I stay at home with our kids and take care of everything - I have no car of my own and hardly any clothes that fit since I just had another baby. I decided to give him one more chance. He just had a 4 day weekend off and took a shower Friday and went to work, was here with me
Sat -Tue and didn't shower or shave ONCE. He wakes up this morning and shaves, takes a shower and goes to work. What the hell is that? What would you say to him? I am pissed and don't know how to approach the situation. Thanks in advance!

I tried to tell myself it was not a physical affair, but an emotional affair might be worse. He would text this girl at all hours, after I went to sleep, if I left to go to the store, after we had sex. I have all the phone records from his cell!

Answer 1

I'd give him a big hug, tell him that I love him a lot, and tell him that you want to make things better. Then I'd talk to him about the fact that you understand he wants you to look good for him, and you want him to look good for you. It goes both ways.

You can't force him to be a better husband out of guilt over the internet thing, that you're stuck home, or by getting angry that he has a double standard about personal care. If you have a loving conversation with him but nothing gets better, this is just another sign that the relationship is broken. You said you were giving him another chance - would you actually have divorced him over the internet flirtation/affair? Did you ever really deal with why he was looking elsewhere in the first place? Keep in mind that you might be overreacting if you just had a baby, if your hormones are off and you're tired all the time. It's not a good time to pick fights or make major relationship decisions.

Answer 2

I gotta laugh cause i sound like i am your husband. Except me and my wife havent had sex for years. All else sounds identical. Problem i have is wife is so onesided.I have been accused of having online affair when all i had was something she didnt give me, and that was friendship. Marriage became like a job not a relationship. The sex was predictable so not alot to it, and held no meaning other than conceiving a child. Im still in the situation and have tried to tell her my side to make things better but she really doesnt understand. I do love her or else id have left years ago. I need spice and i get lemons. It doesnt help a relationship. So i suppose im trying to say do what you can to add spice. And by spice i dont mean romance as much as i mean excitement. I wish my wife would be willing to add to the relationship and be more open minded. Good luck to you in however you try to work things out. Oh yeah keep in mind that actions speak louder than words.

Answer 3

i feel really sorry for you. My ex husband was dirty and it's not even a lazyness thing it's just the fact that he doesn't respect you. The whole internet affair you need to divorce him. He is an *** to me it's worst than meeting at a hotel because of the fact he had to contact her from a computer in your HOME how bold. Right under your nose and then not only hurt you but turn around and blame you for his behavior he is a loser. Run if not you do it for your kids your kids don't need to be with someone that doesn't clean himself i bet he doesn't help with them since he can't even get himself a shower besides that they don't need an example of a man that hurts you! more affairs will happen i hate to tell you but these men are like two yr olds they see what they can get away with so they can do it again! Godbless you don't lie to yourself you and your KIDS deserve better!

Answer 4

It seems he has little self worth, and a low self esteem. It is almost as if he is rebelling against how he was expected to be when he was younger. Feels like this is how his mum was. So as he cannot face his own anger from the past, and is a strong willed person, he feels he should take this out on you. He was frightened when you had the surgery, that you might not come back, tho he won't say so. Try using the word 'no' more often. Keep yr boundaries. It will work.

Answer 5

Alot of time when we marry and have children we forget that we NEED to look sexy for our partner, because we become soooooo comfortable in that relationship. Just think back when the two of you dated...I bet there wasn't many moments he didn't see you glamorous. Well, why does marriage have to be any different? There are all kinds of women out there looking and smelling good while we lay on the couch in our pjs.
There is absolutely NO excuse for an affair in any situation. If you not fixing up was bothering him that bad he should have told you about it. You are just an excuse for his rediculious behavior. The fact that he is a slob around the house and gets fixed up to go to work, is prolly one of two things. He is in his comfort zone with you....as you are him, and he feels no need to fix up or he's attracted to someone he works with.
So, what you need to do is start working on YOU. Get that 'baby fat' off. Get a new hairstyle, new makeup, new outfit and start feeling sexy about you. Dress up for your man. Have a delicious dinner on the table when he comes home from work, look your best, and later treat him to the most passionate sex of his life!!!! Men want to be admired, loved, and appreciated. If we can do those things and look like a million bucks doing it...... he would have to be an idiot to want someone else!!!
The thing is you have to know you have done everything in your power to make your marriage work, the rest is up to him. If you have treated him like a King in the bedroom and out and he is still looking for something more..........he will never be satisfied with anyone and in that is another decision for you to make all together. Hope this helps. Good luck!!!

Answer 6

Since u're home all day tell him you'll start ur own internet affair. Let him know how justified you are because he's an inconsiderate jerk. And for goodness sake - get a car! At least tell him you'll drop him off at work and you keep the car. He has that "control" over you and he knows it...

Answer 7

The part that amazes me about this is, he can go days without caring about his appearance for you, but yet he cares when it is time for work, or to see his dates, and yet you put up with it. i would tell him once how you feel about it and if he doesnt care, get rid of him. And this is from my wife, she said if i tried even an internet date once no matter the reason, and especially when she was pregnant, id be gone faster than i could blink.

Answer 8

I would blow a gasket! Frankly, I know it is hard to hear, but this is not good. I would lose him. My ex husband did the same thing (he would even neglect to brush his teeth! UGH!) but would get all cleaned up for his hairdresser (one girlfriend!) and for his friday nights that he spent 1 hour (at the rate of 75 dollars an hour!) with an adult massuse (isn't that a prostitute?)
Sorry, but this sounds toooooo familiar!

Answer 9

tell him its not attractive when he goes days without showering or shaving.....does that mean its ok for you to cheat??? he is being one sided. talk to him and find out if there is anything going on. Dont stay with him just because you have children......people treat us the way we allow them too!!

Answer 10

He's a hypocrite. A dirty one too. Why don't you start an Internet relationship and when he finds out tell him it was because he doesn't shower everyday and being smelly and dirty is not attractive.