my affair came about bcus i was unhappy, it only lasted for a few months, but then i found out that my husband had had an affair with my best friend when i was pregnant with our first child, we'd only been married for 18months, i'm now messed up, ave got the pressure of this 6month window for divorce, but the kids only see his n their hurt, they cant imagine the hurt that im feeling, or even remember the way that our lives have been bcus He worked so hard to provide, he wasnt very loving towards them until recently. but i feel cheated by him and my then best friend bcus they didnt tell me/give me the choice of what to do with my life back then, they made it for me bcus i was so happy with motherhood after a miscarriage, even with his attitude, i used to just swallow what ever he dished out,
How does 1 move on from this?
2007-11-14 01:26:25 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi,
First of all quite feeling so sorry for your self, it wont help.
I had an affair after 15 years and although almost everything worked out for me in the long run, If i had known how separated I would of become from my children I would of looked at things differently. IF you and your husband still have any feelings for each other at all...Go to a councilor and try and fix your problems, I asked my wife to and she wouldn't and now we are divorced. Your kids deserve to have both parents around as long as possible.
2007-11-14 01:41:04 · answer #1 · answered by Raysalittlehell 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Deb, most people married the amount of time youguys have been married will cheat at least once. I know it's not an excuse but it's the truth.
You guys have been married 17 years and you both have had an affair, OK, now you're even. Sit down with your husband, get into counseling and try to fall back into love again. If that doesn't work, know that you put your best foot forward and go your own way but don't leave bitter. You guys are too far down the line for that, you're not one of these kids coming on here and talking about divorce after 2 years of marriage.
2007-11-14 01:40:44 · answer #2 · answered by huckleberryjoe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. I too lived through infidelity after 16 years of marriage. You need to get into counseling ASAP. Even if your marriage is not going to make it, you still need counseling. There's something about being cheated on that destroys our self esteem, our confidence and our peace of mind. I would go for individual counseling as well as couples counseling. He needs to understand that he can't just erase what he did and expect you to never think about it again. I don't think you can stop loving someone that you've loved for 17 years so quickly. But I do know that once the trust is gone, it's hard to feel comfortable and vulnerable around that person again. If he's willing to go to counseling (even if he has to go a million times), then I would say do what you gotta do to save your marriage. You can learn to forgive and with time, you'll even learn to trust again (though never blindly again). First step is getting into counseling ASAP. Don't delay. Hang in there! Hope this helps!
2016-05-23 03:07:16 · answer #3 · answered by kaitlyn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is not one to accept responsibility too well. He is not good at saying what he feels. Yr best friend is jealous of you having a baby. Cos you have the option to divorce, yr husband is now worried that he might lose sight of the family. I feel you need some space on yr own to let yourself heal, and then you can start to rebuild the relationship. There are many unspoken words still, try writing them down. Yr husband will realise where his heart is.
2007-11-14 01:40:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get together with ur family and talk about this...after that if nothing resolves, then u have to accept that u both made mistakes and that this just isn't gonna work and regardless of what happens afterwards, i think u should let ur kids know how much u love them...
2007-11-14 01:39:26 · answer #5 · answered by $he 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
two wrongs didnt make things right, you feel me?
its sad that all of that happened, and the best thing to do is, as mentioned seek counseling to help you deal with all of the pain you are feeling inside. you have the pain of being cheated on and cheating to deal with. that's a tough cookie to chew on...
forgiving yourself and him will close alot of pain. counseling can help you do so.
i wish you the best...
2007-11-14 01:41:47 · answer #6 · answered by D.... 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
don't worry,ihad one in my first year ,and another one in the third year and another one the year after
I'm now living in a tiny flat with no Friends and no kids same as a dog
2007-11-14 01:33:43 · answer #7 · answered by redcandal66 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i wish i could talk to you because we have so much in common all i can do is wish you luck and best wishes for the future xxx
2007-11-14 01:32:13 · answer #8 · answered by oG33MANo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so both of you had affairs?
hhmm. takes 2 to tango.
2007-11-14 02:42:41 · answer #9 · answered by junglejungle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take him to the cleaners and get everything. Tell him that's the price he pays for when he cheated on you and ruined things.
2007-11-14 01:36:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋