I imagine romantic fantasies as a form of escape?

Question

I'm a 30 something wife and mom, but I always fantasize about the perfect guy sweeping some beuatiful girl off her feet. I'm bothered because I identify with the man in my fantasies in that I think about what he would say or do...how he would touch the woman, kiss her, etc, and how her reaction would make him feel.... I'm not a lesbian, but this form of escapism has been with me for as long as I can remember (childhood).

I want to stop the fantasies, but I don't know how....and I don't know why I don't have normal fantasies ....like say...about my own husband. Or at least fantasize about being seduced and romanced by the good looking guy, and not BEING him.

I know this is strange and I don't know how to say this to anyone to get help. I'd appreciate any psychological explanations to help me make sense of this.

(please don't be rude, I'm already embarrassed)

Answer 1

I applaud your courage in sharing this, since fantasies are very personal and can cause the person who has them to feel embarrassed or exposed. However, fantasies are extremely common, and are often used for stress relief (e.g. someone with financial troubles fantasizing that they've won the lottery), or as the mind's way of expressing issues in a hidden or "muted" manner.
I think what you might want to do is to think about your fantasies and think about what "issues" you might have in your life or personality that are expressed through this fantasy. And I don't mean "issues" in a negative way... I just mean personality characteristics from life experiences, that kind of thing. Once you have a better idea about this, then your acceptance of these parts of your inner self should increase.
Here's an example: I have a lot of fantasies about my husband dying in a car accident. I used to be really embarrassed and ashamed of these... like, what kind of horrible person would fantasize about their husband dying in a car accident??? Then I realized that it's my personality... e.g. I have a very strong need for independence and control... and while I love my husband, it's just one of my personal "issues." Etc etc. Anyway, I've grown to accept this "part" of me and have also told my husband about it. He laughs and we joke about it.
Hope this helps.

Answer 2

You could be imagining that you are the man because if you were a man this how you would want to be with a woman. It could also be that sub-conscientiously you may have some small desire to please a woman. Not that you are in fact a lesbian, but you may have some curiosity regarding this type of a one time encounter. If you are a religious person you should be familar with the Apostle Paul and how he describes fighting a war within himself. We are human and in so, imperfect. We may have feelings of hatred, anger, depression, alcoholism and yes, homosexuality. Notice he describes this as a "war", which would indicate that it is a difficult battle he (we) must wage within ourselves to keep on the right path. You must make a choice, either fight it or try it. It depends on your morality level and your deires.

Answer 3

I wrote books about the fantasies I imagined, wrote romantic fiction for a good number of years. I don't have the knack for writing a solid plot though or I'd already be published. My point is, I don't see how it hurts anyone, so why is it something that needs to be stopped? It's perfectly normal too, to have fantasies, so long as the fantasies are just that, fantasies, and you don't expect them to come true or use them in place of reality. Enjoy them. :)

Answer 4

I could see this as you imagining the way you yourself would like to be treated?
this could possibly be feeding your appetite of this level of attention and affection...and since it is very hard to match up to a dream...you still long for it years later!
maybe you just dream of someone being the man that thinks about his every move...every touch etc with you...but fantasies are not always a bad thing =D

Answer 5

Any fantasy is a giving up, of Reality. Every moment is precious and important. When you trade reality for illusion, how much of reality do you miss?

Answer 6

I only daydream approximately steamy kissing, cuddling, and touching with the guy i admire in his room, on his mattress, on a sofa, or exterior- like a woodland-y putting. i assume some particular issues could be kissing at the same time as straddling, butt-grabbing, and lip-biting.

Answer 7

think your husband as hero and not any other.fantasy is good to some extent but it should not cross your moral.instead of thinking other person see what good qualities your husband have.not everybody perfect.so think about it.