He lost his job when he was sick, and is better now, although he hasn't found anything in over a year. Her parents have been supporting them for a year now because they have a new house and her job alone can't carry them. She doesn't want to sell the house because the market is bad, but she's unhappy, and wants my advice. What should i tell her???? i think she feels sorry for him, but she doesn't know if he's just taking advantage of the situation at this point. He has a hard time finding a job because of a felony on his record (one time offender). It was something stupid he did when he was young, but now she is suffering!
2007-11-14 00:56:22 · 14 answers · asked by just asking 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
While your intentions are good, and its very comendable of you to be such a good friend in a time of need, you need to stay out of this! Your friend is gonna have to figure this one out on her own, when the going gets rough, you dont get going, you get strong and work it out as a team, and being she is married and she took a vow to stand by this man no matter what, she,s the one who must figure this out, she and her hubby are supposed to be each others rock, and when you add a third person in the marriage {you}, it only causes drama and confusion for your friend, so let her make her own mistakes and decisions, good or bad, this is not a place for a 3 person, dont get me wrong, be her friend, be their for her, but dont cross the line, dont give her advise, dont lead her to believe that her marriage is bad or put out negative feedback on her marriage, as she is married to her husband, not you! And if she does want some insight and recomondations, tell her to go seek family therapy or talk with the man that she vowed to be her best friend and confidant for the rest of her living days, Im sorry for being so blunt here, but way to many women just wanna throw in the towel when problems arise, and they need to understand this is all apart of what makes a marriage stronger, so its up to her, stay out of it!
2007-11-14 01:32:50 · answer #1 · answered by penelope 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's a one time offended - he can go to court and get the felony exponged and it will be off of his record as long as he does not commit another felony.
He need to step and do his part whatever that may be and whatever it takes while he is looking for work. That should be his full time job - out searching 40 hours a week and submitting court documents until he finds something.
2007-11-14 09:22:49 · answer #2 · answered by That Deal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The man is truely the cornerstone of any home. No man here on Y/A can tell your friend how to make her man a better man, either he's a real manor he isn't.
A real man might go get two or three jobs to supplement his income until he finds a job in his field. A real man may p/u a construction job or swallow his pride and ask a friend if he can get him a job to help him out for a while until he finds something more permanent. A real man would not be content in allowing his wife's parents to maintain his roof over his family's heads.
You canmake all the excuses for him you want to make but it's real simple... real men step up boys step down.
2007-11-14 09:21:34 · answer #3 · answered by huckleberryjoe 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that she needs to come up with a dollar amount that her husband needs to be contributing to the household income. Then she needs to tell him that dollar amount and tell him to get his butt out the door and find employment.
If he wants ... make that WANTS ... to work, he will. If he cares about her and the marriage he will get his butt out there, work two or three jobs if necessary, and bring home the bacon. He will drive cabs, mop floors, take even the most menial job if that's what it takes.
Tell her that if the market's bad, she might be able to rent her house and live in something cheaper.
Tell her to get that lazy free-loader off the couch and out the door, either to work or out of her life forever.
What self-respecting man would let his in-laws support his family anyway?
2007-11-14 09:29:37 · answer #4 · answered by kyeri y 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he has a felony he will have to settle for a poor paying job. Help her find a listing of possible jobs that he can apply to. When depression hits it is hard to function.
She needs to find a better job or maybe a second job.
Sounds like she likes her house more than him.
2007-11-14 09:28:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
having a felony on your record is not an excuse to remaining unemployed! he had a job before?? he's making it an excuse.
there are jobs out here that give people a chance regardless of their past...not all employers are that shallow or specific.
seems like she has to evaluate what quality of life she believes she is entitiled to. if by all means possible, counseling can save their marriage i say go for it! the benefits of counseling is that a neutral third party can help them either save the marriage or her to see the futility of her actions and discover if there are hidden dysfunctional traits, such as enabling, going on...
that's the best advice i would give her if i were you...without breaking it down like that, i would encourage her to seek marriage counseling to help both of them ...
best wishes....
2007-11-14 09:32:24 · answer #6 · answered by D.... 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her parents need to stop supporting them. Yes this will be hard on your friend but it may give her hubby a wake up call. If not she needs to get rid of the bum. He can get some type of part time work. He just doesn't want to.
2007-11-14 09:34:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should get rid of him. If her parents are helping her with the bills anyway then she can do it with out her husband. If you don't know what to tell her as far as advice goes, then let her read your yahoo question and all the answers. This way she is getting several opinions, that's what is so great about yahoo answers anyway
2007-11-14 09:20:36 · answer #8 · answered by angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Given that your friend cannot force her husband to work, there's nothing you can tell her. It's interesting to me that your friend says she thinks her husband might be "taking advantage of the situation" when she is too, albeit to a lesser degree, since she is working. However, she has allowed her parents to support her for a year, so she is, indeed, taking advantage of them. She is the proverbial pot calling the kettle black.
2007-11-14 09:06:16 · answer #9 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She needs to get rid of him. That'll end her suffering.
2007-11-14 08:59:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋