My wife and i have been married for only about a year. Of course like any relationship, everything was great in the beginning but now there are so many problems. Number 1 is guy problems. I think, although not 100% sure that she still talks to ex-boyfriends. She also has been watching a lot of porn recently and trys to hide it or say she just thinks it is funny, but she knows it bothers me. My other issue is family issues. Both of us are close with our families but she doesnt seem to care about establishing any kind of a relationship with my family although i spend a lot of time with hers. Also i have a 10 year old daughter, who lives with us that she hasnt even tried to form any kind of a relationship with at all. I really think i married the wrong person as we are polar opposites. I have talked to her about all these things and she makes no attempt to change. We are now expecting a baby, so i need to know if i can make this work or am i completely screwed.
2007-11-14 00:05:39 · 16 answers · asked by John D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Completely screwed comes to mind. You can't force her to do anything.
2007-11-14 00:18:48 · answer #1 · answered by cooter726 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are well and truely screwed.... and you managed to screw up two kids at the same time.... well done. C'mon.... man up now.... your new wife and your daughter don't have a relationship... are you saying that you thought the wife WOULD have one when you were dating? I'm guessing you didn't think that.... that she probably didn't have a lot to do with your kid when you were dating, but you went ahead anyway and married her. And now you've added another kid to the mix....... so if you stay, your daughter is screwed because your wife will always want the best things for the baby and won't care about your daughter... and if you go, than your baby won't have a dad around and will be subject to random dudes that your wife will be bringing around.
You can make it work.......... but you'll have to compromise a LOT. The porn is weird... don't get a lot of women who will watch it obsessively.... the ex boyfriend... that's a different story. Women have some odd ideas about exes, so unless you want an open marriage I'd keep an eye on that one. I would suggest that you seek counseling. Find ways to communicate to her. She won't care what your feelings are, but at least this way you can say you tried.
Good luck......... sorry to be harsh, but can't stand it when kids are thrown into the grinder of bad marriages.
2007-11-14 00:25:41 · answer #2 · answered by Aron1968_30 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can never change a person. They have to change themself. Do you love your wife? Is this the woman you married? Did she have a good relationship with your daughter before you two got married? If you and your wife can't sort your problems out - try abortion. As for her watching porn and knowing that it annoys you - she is showing you disrespect. If she loves you she would stop. Does she get enough sex from you? Is that why she watches porn? Ask her her reasons for watching porn and tell her that you really don't like it and that it is affecting your marriage. I think you have a lot of thinking to do. Hope this helps.
2007-11-14 00:49:37 · answer #3 · answered by landayi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're making mountains out of molehills, obsessing over insignificant things.
1. Talking to exes. How is this a problem, as long as she's not cheating on you? Some people like to keep exes as friends and can keep them as friends and nothing more. As long as it doesn't interfere with your relationship, it's no big deal.
2. Porn. I probably tell 20 women a week here to stop making a big deal out of their husbands watching porn, because porn is simply fun and interesting, nothing more. I'll say the same to you. It "bothers" you? Quit being bothered by it. Have you not seen porn? It's the opposite of something to be bothered by, it's fascinating!
3. If you like spending time with your wife's family, by all means, continue to do so. However, she apparently feels no need to reciprocate. If you're close with your family, then be close to them -- your wife isn't stopping you by not spending time with them. Being close with your spouse's family isn't in the marriage vows for a reason: it's not that important.
4. What kind of a relationship do you want your wife to have with your daughter? At age 10, she probably doesn't want some woman to come along and try to be her mother. As long as your wife feeds her and watches out for her physical safety, that should be enough.
Your problem is that you are adding up four instances of minor inconvenience and/or annoyance and calling it "completely screwed". In other words, you are totally overreacting. If you would teach yourself to view your complaints as the non-issues they are, you could be happily married.
2007-11-14 00:48:43 · answer #4 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're screwed.
You should have sought some counseling before you got married. You guys should have worked at getting your marriage expectations, and your goals for your daughter on the same page before you tied the knot. About the only thing you can do is get some counseling now, and hope that your wife will want to do what is necessary for things to work. If she doesn't, you're screwed.
Disregard Happy-2's comment. Its nothing but the typical 'stand for nothing and accept everything' drivel you hear from liberal-minded saps. Hopefully the 20 women he advises a week disregard his comments as well.
2007-11-14 01:24:43 · answer #5 · answered by mt75689 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is so sad because you just can't change some people. I can't figure out how you could not have seen some of this before you married her. Sit her down and have her tell you exactly what she expects from this relationship. Listen to her and then tell her what you expect. Get all your feelings out on the table and then see if you two can come to some compromises. Good luck because this well not be easy for any of you. My prayers well be with you.
2007-11-14 00:40:42 · answer #6 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whew...that's a toughie. I'd say start marriage counseling as soon as you can. It may be that your wife doesn't quite know how to deal with any of this, especially if she's expecting a baby. Counseling could be the perfect outlet for her to learn to adjust to married life. Good luck and I hope all works out for the 2 of you.
2007-11-14 00:25:50 · answer #7 · answered by Kathy R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you didnt see any of this BEFORE you married her? dude..c'mon....anyway...get out ...no use in having a baby grow up in this mess.If she does not have a relationship with your daughter, when the baby is born , your wife will resent and treat your daughter even worse becuz she will be "in the way". You should not be with a woman who does not respect and love your daughter. I know divorce is not easy but leave before there has been too much time invested. Im tellin you....leave or you are completely screwed
P.S--- i think Happy 2 is one of our wife's exes...dont listen to him...
2007-11-14 00:59:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your house sounds dismal. Hopefully it isn't as dark as you made it sound. It sounds to me like you both need a weekend together to talk. I know your little girl hasn't felt close to your wife, remove her from the situation for a weekend with your mom or her mom. Find out what is going on with your wife. I just picture a lonely woman, a little on the young side, pregnant with a mans child who she doesn't feel loves her, living with a little girl who she resents and dreaming of better days. Marriage really isn't about huge family involvement unless the family is within your four walls. ...discuss that with her and find out why she isn't trying to know them. Find out what is going on with her and dealing with your daughter. She may well resent her, or just doesn't know what to do. Your wife is pregnant, that always made me loonie.....is she different now than she was before she got pregnant? I don't know what to tell you other than it sounds so sad at your house. I hope you can fix it so that all four of you will be happy. Good luck.
2007-11-14 00:18:03 · answer #9 · answered by Rein 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Did you have these issues before you got married? or did you jump in with both feet without Really knowing her?
It sounds like counseling to see if this can work otherwise get out now before you waste more time.
2007-11-14 00:21:12 · answer #10 · answered by harleychickfatboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with chuck... Staying in a marriage for the kids sake is just wrong! She sounds like a very selfish woman and you just can't change them. Hurry don't walk run to the nearest exit!
But if this all came about during her pregnancy maybe its hormonal if that is the case try to discuss it with a doctor/ family counselor
2007-11-14 00:28:30 · answer #11 · answered by chancesare45 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋