My girlfriend doesn't ever wear a stitch of make up and has the most beautiful face but can't believe how pretty she is. Sometimes I find myself just staring at her because she's just so incredibly pretty. Why doesn't she think so? But even more importantly (to me), why does she think I'm lying about it or just saying it "because I'm in love", according to her? Is having low self esteem part of being a woman or something" Can someone PLEASE help me understand this?
2007-11-13 23:36:07 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
Your girlfriend has self-confidence and doesn't have low self-esteem otherwise she will cover herself up with make-up. She just loves it when you compliment her. You are good with words. Continue complimenting her.
2007-11-14 12:34:12 · answer #1 · answered by mathpad 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Girls are under tremendous pressure to evaluate themselves by some societal standard that they perceive. Think of middle school. Also, when you look in the mirror, do you always see yourself the same way? Sometimes do you think "I look good" or "I look bad"? The pressure to fit in, to be wanted, to be socially acceptable are real, and do affect all of us.
That you are in love with your friend is a powerful thing. If she believes in you, she may, after a while, start also to believe that she is beautiful.
Another thought: Perhaps she doesn't feel extraordinarily beautiful but doesn't think she is inadequate. In that case it might be that you do see her as extraordinary, and it is because you are in love with her. This is not a bad thing, the openness that comes with feelings of love can let people trust each other more than the usual amount, and can be a start to developing a more lasting relationship where that trust becomes a haven of safety and a place where anything can be shared. I hope she can learn to see your praise as real and good.
Talk about all of this with her. Look to find places where you are the same and are different. I hope that you will both manage to stay in this loving place. It isn't always easy!
2007-11-13 23:57:42 · answer #2 · answered by Boffo B 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It can be any number of things, none of which have much to do with make-up really.
She could be afraid that if she readily accepts the compliments, you'll stop giving them. A lot of guys can be pretty unappreciative and she may feel that if she doesn't seem to need reassurance, you'll start taking it for granted and not being as appreciative.
She could also feel that vanity or pride are sinful. Acknowledging the compliment then becomes a source of guilt.
She could believe that she is attractive because she isn't "vain" and then she's in a sort of double-bind: if she thinks she's pretty then she's NOT pretty, according to this logic.
Or she could be convinced by experiences in childhood or by comparing herself to images in the media that she really isn't attractive.
Everyone has insecurities and doubts, male or female. And I've only scratched the surface on the various things that might be going on.
2007-11-13 23:50:25 · answer #3 · answered by Gnu Diddy! 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Some women are simply insecure and need validation that they're attractive from their partner. I don't wear makeup either, but I feel that I'm attractive but not because of the way I look. I feel it's because of who I am on the inside. Just keep reassuring her that she's beautiful to you and she's a wonderful person and that should help her. Good luck.
2007-11-14 00:47:01 · answer #4 · answered by Kathy R 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Low self esteem is one of the reasons...sure...
However, if you think about it...todays world and todays society gear women to be beautiful, thin, etc.
Every single magazine that you look at, every tv show that you watch...they all have beautiful women in them...and they wear makeup...
Our society pressures us to believe that all women should look a certain way..
Hope this helped.
2007-11-13 23:46:40 · answer #5 · answered by Doodlebug 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well most of the time girls that dont wear makeup tend to be insecure and they tend to have emotionial issues because someone told them they were not pretty but other times they are naturally insecure from another family member being popular during school years or beutiful naturally so they assume they are not pretty and that there is just no point in trying to look pretty when someone else will always be better.but you just keep telling them there pretty and sooner or later they will see it and start an all new them.
2007-11-14 05:50:32 · answer #6 · answered by brandy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, low self esteem isn't part of womanhood. My wife is drop-dead gorgeous and people are always noticing her. She looks beautiful with or without makeup. Sadly, too many women fall victim to the pressures of the standards society has created for them. Tell her to ignore that stuff. In the meantime, be glad she's not full of herself, or there'd be no room for YOU in her eyes! Although my wife is confident, she also loves it when I tell her I think she's beautiful. And I must admit, I find her most attracive without makeup, but that's how I am.
2007-11-14 00:06:21 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think if your girlfriend didn't think she was pretty because of low self esteem, she would more than likely be wearing making to make herself feel better. I think she probably does not realise how pretty she is and she sounds modest. You are lucky!
2007-11-13 23:47:30 · answer #8 · answered by holly 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
my husband says the same thing when I tell him how attractive he is. And he also thinks im prettier without makeup. I think we in the west are taught to not be satisfied with how we are. to a point that can be good, and can be motivation for self improvement, but it usually gets out of hand and becomes an epidemic of self-loathing
2007-11-14 00:45:21 · answer #9 · answered by bluestareyed 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some women who don't find themselvs pretty avoid wearing makeup, revealing/sexy/dressy clothes, etc, because it's like they don't belong in that stuff. And if they try to look sexy and fail, they'd find it really embarrasing to seen like that (or if they think they fail).
With your girlfriend, she probably downplays how pretty she is as a defense mechanism, so she doesn't seem like one of those girls that just acts like god's gift to mankind. Or she may simply not know how pretty she is (which is doubtful, I think almost all women know to an extent), in which case it's still just a defence mechanism, just she believes it more.
I don't really know what you could do to boost her confidence though, sorry. Try asking some of your women friends, maybe.
2007-11-13 23:55:03 · answer #10 · answered by sindajes 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Apparently, men find too much makeup less attractive than no makeup at all. I can't say how often I've heard my husband make comments when he sees women who obviously are wearing a lot of makeup but he doesn't say anything when they are wearing nothing at all.
2007-11-14 04:18:45 · answer #11 · answered by RoVale 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋