Ever since I found out 2 years ago that my husband of 20 years was cheating I have been in a state of turmoil. I think of nothing else. He recently went away for just over 2 weeks to see his mother and is back on Friday. During the past 2 years he has been away before, but this time it feels as if I haven’t seen him for years. I have spoken to him on the phone every few days, but it feels as if I could be speaking to anyone and can hardly relate to him.
I am confused as to why this has happened now. Do you think its because I have finished grieving for the husband I feel I lost 2 years ago as he now seems a different person in my eyes? I do still think about it everyday but it all seems so far away.
I have convinced myself that he only stays till our daughter leaves for Uni next year then he will instigate divorce. Perhaps I have been detaching myself from him over the past 2 years ready for this day? I have gone completely blank inside and can hardly feel anything anymore for anyone or anything.
2007-11-13 23:35:25 · 9 answers · asked by Angela O 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you are right, you have been emotionally preparing yourself for his ultimate departure ever since you found out he was cheating. If you feel like you would want to try and save the marriage I agree with the first answer. Try counseling. If not. Try to prepare your self more for when you daughter leaves. Good luck and best wishes!
2007-11-13 23:49:37 · answer #1 · answered by greenrose1922 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said: "Do you think its because I have finished grieving for the husband I feel I lost 2 years ago as he now seems a different person in my eyes? "
Only u know that for sure. If u feel that divorce is imminent, you are probably right. You can`t feel anything because your mind is numb from the goings on with your husband and his change in behaviour towards you. 20 years is a long time, but you are still young enough to take care of number 1, you. It wasn`t your fault he did what he did so don`t blame yourself. Talk to him about your daughter, university, you feel that he`s staying just for her and not you, etc. If his behaviour does not change after that, I`m afraid the writing is on the wall. Be strong.
2007-11-13 23:47:42 · answer #2 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you've hit the nail on the head with your analysis. Some serious breaches of trust are just too much to handle and you begin to slowly detach yourself from the person. The marriage becomes a living arrangement of some sort.
He may or may not file for divorce when your daughter graduates Uni, but what you may wish to ask yourself is whether YOU should initiate a divorce considering how you feel about him. How do you envision the next 20 years of your life with him? Do you foresee happiness? comfort? contentment?
2007-11-13 23:49:21 · answer #3 · answered by scubalady01 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I Believe That I Would Make An Attemt To Communicate with him To find Out If He Has Moved On,Or What And Make A
Decision At That Point What You Need To Do with The
Relationship And Let Your Heart Lead You In Yor Decision.
2007-11-13 23:53:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did the same thing as you, I went blank. In the end, he cheated and we divorced. I kept blaming myself . It has taken family and lots of great girlfriends for me to see the light. I have moved on, but the pain is still there and it's been 3 years. That lost feeling is still with me.
2007-11-13 23:50:48 · answer #5 · answered by cooter726 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk about what you are feeling to him. Lay all your cards on the table. It's not good to keep your feelings and your fears to yourself. Seek a marriage counsellor. 20 years is a long time and it's a shame to just let it go to waste. If there's still love on both sides, the marriage is worth saving and fighting for. Good luck!
2007-11-14 00:40:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage counseling is in order. If you have not resolved the problem by now you both need counseling. Quit torturing yourself this way.
2007-11-13 23:39:05 · answer #7 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
try marriage counseling.... but in all honestly it sounds like you are done greiving for that man that you onced loved and you would like him back but i think it is impossible at this point
2007-11-13 23:46:17 · answer #8 · answered by eyesicyblue 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
detaching yourself is a good thing...amkes it so much easier...sounds like you are ready to let him go after daughter goes to school.........find someone who respects you
2007-11-14 04:42:16 · answer #9 · answered by firewoman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋