should i leave?

Question

my husband and i have problems we have only been married 3 years and i feel he doesnt care about me and his 2 small children and he wont talk either as i have tried that and he wont go to marriage guidence to try and resolve are issue.
He used to be so loving but since we have had the children he is inattentive and uncaring.
I try and make an effort with him but he always seems like he cant be bothered and im getting really disheartened.
He always he works hard but not long hours so i dont think that has anything to do with it.

Answer 1

I think your only way forward is to try to establish what your husband thinks of the present situation. Which is easier said than done.
Firstly, you have to work out whether you are prepared to live the way you are liiving. If yes, then.. do so.. If no then be blunt with him.

Tell him you can not live like this any longer.... & that if he doesnt make an effort to save your marriage... you will be seeing a lawyer in the New Year.
It kinda puts the ball in his court... if he recoils in shock... it may push him to sort things out... if he doesnt react... then it kinda shows you what he thinks of your relationship.

Or maybe.... you could write him a letter to tell him how you feel. But be specific... tell him how you feel when he does..A. Tell him how you would feel if he did B instead, add in some points regarding when you know you arent doing your best & what you need to do to change (and there will be lots)
But remember to be positive too... tell him what you love about him & how you miss when he does this or that.
Yet, you still have to end it with.. leaving the ball in his court.
(oh! and write it several times... so you arent doing it angry & you've had chance to think it through properly)
Finally, in whatever method you choose.. if any... never apologise about something & then say But! "im sorry... but you did..." it completely kills an apology.

best of luck xxx

Answer 2

get a job and move out, don't ask for or demand child support, just take the kids and go and live your own happy life without him, and if he wants to join you then he will, if he doesn't then he won't
This won't work if you demand child support, that will mean that you have set up a connection, the key is to give him the chance to break all ties between you and him. You could also try offering to leave him with the kids.
I am fairly negative on women at the moment, I think you are probably doing something which is pissing him off, but he is trying to ignore it, and unknowingly ignoring you altogether.
You might also consider that men are put under a lot of pressure by some ignorant women who still think that men go to wok and earn all the money while women stay home and look after the kids, that doesn't really exist these days, it is too economically unaffordable to not have two incomes these days. 40% of all marriages end in divorce due to financial concerns, are you aware that interest rates have increased, the economy is sliding downward.
If you are asking "should you leave" then yes you should leave, but leave respectfully, if you are going o leave then be self sufficient, don't just leave him and expect him to pay all your bills for you, you should take steps to be fully self sifficient.

Answer 3

Ive said it before, 2 unhappy parents make unhappy kids. I think you should do what you feel you need, if he wont talk you cant make him no matter how hard you try.

Your happiness is whats most important right now and if things are bad, maybe just a seperation for a while until he gets himself together.

You cant fix him if he doesnt want to be.

Hope it works out for you both in the end.

Answer 4

so basically he is acting an *** and won't compromise and even go to a couples therapy? if your not happy then leave being with a man like that is going to make you unhappy leave him or at least leave for a few days giving him the idea that your not coming back don't give him any notice just grab the kids and go if he doesn't try to get you back is over he want this and you need to move on hon or you going to suffer mentally with this man for the rest of your life and forever is a long time.. good luck to you and your babies.

Answer 5

Your just going through the 3 year blues and the terrible twos. Just relax and give each other room to breathe. Get a sitter go out have a quiet dinner together and go for a walk , you will be amazed at how easy he will be able to talk afterwards, and you may get lucky when you get home.

Answer 6

First stop whining, complaining and crying. Men do not want to hear it! You need to read the following book:

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

Take the time to read it. It will transform your marriage. You can get it at the Library or any bookstore.

Good luck! Change your marriage today!!!

Answer 7

Sounds like he is happy with the way things are, but ur not. Tell him u are not happy with the situation and talk to each other about ways to change things. He loves you so he should take ur feelings into concideration. And if he dosnt then make his life just as unhappy as urs is.
Im going through the same
good luck

Answer 8

Sounds so familiar!!!! I went through that also, after the birth of our daughter, my husband did the same thing, I got so tired of him not going to counseling, him working two jobs and him not spending time with me or our daughter!!

You, know it is funny, before you have children, the men get used to only having you in their lives, and when we become mothers, right after birth, then we are ready to take on our new roll, and it seems like it takes longer for the men to take on the new roll of husband, and daddy, most men take on the roll real quickly, but others, it takes longer, they even have to go to classes on how to care for the newborn, and they still have these classes, and they do help the father!!!!

Some fathers get jealous that you are spending time with the baby and not spending time with him, that explains him being distant to you and your child.

He is working hard like my husband did, but mine worked long hours also, just to stay away from me and his daughter.

I got sick of it, really sick of it, so I left him, and moved to another city with my daughter, filed for a seperation and that did it!!!!!

When he called to find out where I was, I told him I want a divorce, because I got so tired of him not being there for me, and for our daughter, and I told him it takes a village to raise a child and my family was helping me do just that, I got a house, a job, and I was doing fine, I never lost the love for my husband, just really tired of him not being there for me and our daughter.

After many months of talking to him, because he had visitation also, he realized that me and his daughter were the best thing that ever happened to him, and I told him the reason why I left was because he was being so innatentative to me and his daughter, and he finally realized that when he was living by himself and had time to think.

Long story short, the seperation helped, we eventually reconcilled our marriage, and now we will be celebrating our married life of sixteen years this February!!!

Answer 9

There are kids involved. Do everything you can to salvage the relationship. The best interest of the kids should always come first. Try hard to get him to go to a counselor with you.

Answer 10

Your attention has switched from him to them (the children), he has the classic characteristics of a man tantrum.

Spend some alone time with him and get back to basics (dating, laughing, talking).

Good luck and try not to take it too much to heart.