what will you do if you caught your boyfriend/husband having an affair? are you going to forgive him or not??

Question

my husband confess to me that he had another woman. but b4 he did that i already knw about it coz ive confronted the gurl. so there, he confested that he really had an affair but just for the lust. i dont knw if il forgive him or not. i still love him even he did that to me. and he told me that hell never do it again. do you think that i should forgive him and forget about it or still pursue our relationship?? need and answer pls!!!!

Answer 1

The 1st thing people suggest if you find out your spouse cheated is "marriage counciling" , trouble is men dont like 3rd parties so if you try and force it he will go but against his will and he will act like he isnt even there.

Getting the trust back is the hardest , your always wondering what attracted him to her , what did she have that you didnt , why did her services seem needed at the time , because contrary to popular belief men dont cheat just because they arent being serviced at home , or because their wive's let their body go they cheat because their insecure about themselves and their happiness and their needs.

Do you love him ? are you in love with him? has he appologised and tried to make you feel loved and made you feel secure again? those are the questions you need to ask yourself and answer honestly.

If he hasnt tried to show remorse and treat you more lovingly then he isnt sorry and yes he will do it again down the line.Can you go through this a 2nd , 3rd , 4th time?

Long hard think is needed.

Answer 2

Maybe you should take some time to think about this yourself. You obviously still love him. If you left him, would you look back on it in the future and regret it? Would you always wonder what could have been if you had stayed? Or would you feel that you are better off without him anyway? If you think there is a chance that you can forgive him, try to move past it, then please try to save your marriage. He may have made a mistake, and realizes what he almost lost. You will never forget, no matter how much you may want to think you can, but that doesn't mean that you can't have a good, loving marriage. Most marriages that work out after an affair, have been known to be better than before. Think about it long and hard before getting a divorce. It takes a real strong woman to stay and make things work, anyone can just get a divorce.

Answer 3

I'd divorce him asap. He cheated on you. So you can trust him anymore. And without trust you have NOTHING! He cheated on you. He showed you when he cheated, how much he cares about you, repects you and the marriage,etc. So why are you still with him? The marriage been gone. Those scars from cheating are forever. He destroyed your marriage. And you are gonna destroy yourself by staying with him all this time.

And you will live in doubt for the rest of your life. When he comes home late from work? When he starts acting distant with you? When stops being intimate with you? When he has an excuse for everything? When he stops spending time with you? You will always have that thought in the back of you head, that says he's cheating again. And majority of the time, your intuition is RIGHT. Once a cheater, always a cheater!

You will always be soo paranoid and suspicious of him. No matter how much counseling you recieve. You will always wonder..."what if". And this behavior will be the end of your marriage in the long run because eventually he will get tried of putting up with it.

So why put yourself in so much more heartache, pain, stress, and drama? Forget seeing a shirnk. Your still young, you have your health, and so much more to live for. Get your divorce lawyer on the phone and leave his ***! And find someone esle who will love and respect you enough to not cheat on you!

Answer 4

I would not stay with him. I would not even think twice. He broke his vows and his promise to you. Can you leave with a cheat and a liar? I could not. Trust is everything in a relationship. So is respect and he has not respected you. He put your health and safety at risk. Only for lust huh? How many other times do you think that he is going to lust after another woman? I would not want to always wonder. Why did you confront the woman? Most women do not know about the wife. Some do but not all of them. He is the one doing wrong. She probably only knew what he told her.

Answer 5

I did catch him and I did stay and forgive him. Didn't think I would; always believed I'd boot him out the door. Now, am glad we stayed together, the healing took place, the forgiveness came and we survived something that splits many marriages up.
Don't make a decision in haste; only you know what is right for you.

Answer 6

I know you guys ahve said the vows that mentioned through better or worse. I think this is the worse part of it. So maybe you cna forgive him but he has to earn your trust back competly and go to marriage counseling and see why he did this. You will need to set new guidelines for him and let him know that if he does do this again you are gone for good.

Answer 7

It is so hard to forgive. If it were a long term realtionship, I might consider forgiving, but I would never forget it, and unfortunately I would probably throw it in his face often. That would end the relationship anyway.

Answer 8

If he did it for lust..tats the worst case scenario...if he has an oppurtunity, he might just take the chance again.....its not something I would tolerate...if u dont have kids better to walk away.....if he is remorseful and u think he can change and u still love him, then he need to obey some rules and go for therapy...if u give him a chance and he does it again...walk away...its not worth it....

Answer 9

I have asked myself that question many times. I feel that I took my vows. For better or worse. So if it happened once, after much counseling and rebuilding of trust, I think I would be able to forgive and move on. However, if it were a repeated offense, I would have to divorce him regardless of my vows.

Answer 10

It would be hard if I caught them in the act, but if she came to me and told me that she had an affair, I think I could live with it. I would hate to find out by any other way though!