okay, i have been with my husband for 4 years. after we met one of his ex girlfriends told him that her daughter was his. the little girl was 2 years old when he found out. at first he didn't think it was his. then she sent pics of the little girl, and my husband said that he didn't think she was his, because he looked like the guy she started dating after they split up. then his mother started keeping her everyother weekend, and all of a sudden he starts thinking that she is his. the first time we saw her, i couldn't handle it. everytime i looked at her, i just started crying. i don't hate the little girl, i hate that i feel this way, it makes me feel like a monster. i can't help the way i feel, but i don't know how to make it go away. i don't think that she is his, but he does. please don't criticize me, because i know that how i feel is wrong, that is why i am on here asking for help, if you have any ideas on how to make this feeling go away, please tell me!
2007-11-13 16:14:32 · 12 answers · asked by Sunshine 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that one of the things that is really bothering you is the question "is she or is she not his child." I think that once you get the answer to this question then you can go from there and get help either way. Even if she is his child, I think that you will at least feel a fraction better knowing the truth.
HTH
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2007-11-13 16:35:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start out by requesting that dna testing be done to determine if he is in fact the father. Depending on the results could perhaps resolve your feelings toward the child.
Tackle only one issue at a time. Cross the next bridge when you get to it.
2007-11-14 00:21:02 · answer #2 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay...get the paternity test done. i sincerly think you are anxious over this because it's not set in stone yet. get that done.
now, stop beating yourself over the head. you are entitled to your feelings. you are now a stepmother. you didn't know this when you stepped in the relationship. it's alot to take in. just as it is for him to take in a daughter. so do keep in mind that he has his own mental issues over it.
calm down. you won't always feel this way. think of it this way. when a woman finds out she is going to be a mother, she has 9 months to come to terms with the idea. it's scary enough getting pregnant on purpose. then to have a kid out of the blue? and then it's a step child!! it's emotional. but it will pass. you are entitled to have feelings about it. work it out. see a therapist. talk with someone who won't judge you for it. you might find out what you think is upsetting you....isn't the real problem.
2007-11-14 02:15:23 · answer #3 · answered by Isabella S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all be honest with yourself if you dont like the situation try to make it better, suggest if there is doubt dna test will disspell any, okay thats done no if the little girl is your husband child then she derves to know him and to know you as well, show her the world is a good place to be and that you treasure her, that done rest will be easy, it seemds to me that you are being selfish a bit try to see that the little girl has a good time with her dad if that is what he is. it will be hard but always say is what i am doing helping or hindering this child.
2007-11-14 00:43:19 · answer #4 · answered by bilbobagsend 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you and him need to get a test done to see if she is his or not..she might take him to court for support and if its not his then things will change. as for the little girl none of this is of her asking or being. shes a child.. if hes not going to get tested and hes willing to just act as her father without knowing i commend him.. and if hes going to do this and if you love him and want to work this out your going to have to make that child a part of your family like it or not.. once you are willing to let that all go and make her part of your family as well things will go so much easier and clearer to you. do it for the child as well as your husband. but i would try to get him to get them tested.. just so he knows for sure.. i would hate to think when shes even a little older that she would find out that he wasnt her daddy that would be ashame to have thought that all them years and it could of been cleared up earlier.. it dont mean he cant always be a part of her life just because he wouldnt be her daddy.. he could always be in her life if they love each other. good luck
2007-11-14 00:41:59 · answer #5 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to explain to him how you feel hurt. ask him how hurt he'd be if he found out the child was not his. i think the hurt would be close to equal as yours. also, because you are married to him you need to make him understand that it is important that he go to court to establish paternity and court ordered child support. i do think it's insensitive to disreagard your feelings but not much you can do about his mother spending time with the child but you/he NEED to have that court order! call an attorney for a FREE phone consult and have them tell you why it's extremely important to have this settled thru the court!!!
2007-11-14 00:37:34 · answer #6 · answered by l b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, try and confirm whether or not the child is indeed his. Get a DNA test.
2007-11-14 00:19:31 · answer #7 · answered by Linni 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get the test and then deal with the issues.
2007-11-17 23:26:05 · answer #8 · answered by culater 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he gotten a paternity test to make sure that it is his? If not he really needs to make it happen or he is a sucker.
2007-11-14 00:22:42 · answer #9 · answered by Time To Go 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop crying about it and get a paternity test done.
2007-11-14 00:23:12 · answer #10 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋