3 yrs ago my husband cheated me, but until now I'm still hurt. Don't know how to overcome the pain?

Answer 1

You can't live in the past and allow yourself to dwell on this. It is out of your control and nothing will ever change what has happened. But you do have a choice to not be a victim of infidelity. When the pain comes, acknowledge it but then think of something wonderful you two have done together; something that makes you smile or laugh. Realize that it was a mere moment in time and you have a future ahead of you to live and love and have the marriage you once thought you had. If you haven't gotten it all out; tell him how you feel; get it out. Go to him, hold him and look into his eyes and see the love he has for you; not the affair he had. All you have is the present and the future; the past is written and nothing will change it. Move forward;not backward. Come out the victor; one who loves enough to forgive this one time

Answer 2

The pain may always be there, or it may go away with time. Have you trouly forgiven him? Do you want a divorce? I feel that anyone can get married, then get divorced when things get rocky. It takes a real woman to stay and work things out in her marriage. I'm sure that the pain comes and goes in waves right? Sometimes its in the back of your mind, other times it's all you can think about. Sometimes it's as if it happened to someone else, or something you have seen on t.v., when other times it's as if you have just found out for the first time?

These episodes may come less and less as time goes on. How is he now? You may never forget what happened, but would you really be happier without him? You will still have the memories, it will still hurt. If he is good to you now, you may leave, still feel the pain, then regret leaving in the first place because you miss what you had. IF you don't think that you will miss your marriage, maybe the best thing would be a seperation for a while, then figure out if you may want a divorce.

Answer 3

The answers you got are all meaningless just words. Your in a state that is so unbelievably hurtful and numb. One person said in order to move on you need to forgive. I see so if i say to my husband i forgive you honey, like magic I'll start to heal.That is such a load of crap, I don't no what idiot came up with that but i can tell you it doesn't work. My husband cheated on me over 10 years ago and I'm still very much hurting from it. I told my husband 10 years ago when i fount out that I'll never forgive him and i never have or will. This is how i feel about forgiveness, by doing so I'm saying to myself it's ok what you did to me i forgive you. How does one forgive something that you can't forget. Another person said (don't think about it) she forgot to tell you how to do that. Some times when i answer questions on here about this subject i start to cry because it all come back in my mind,it still hurts when i think about it. One thing i can tell you that helped me,actually it's 3 things. I would go to a book store and buy two books a week on cheating and i would under line everything that pertained to me,i have over 50 books now .Next when i felt the rage coming on me i would write my feelings in my journal,at night when i would wake up crying i would lock myself in the bathroom and write everything i was feeling.Third thing i did i bought a hand held recorder for the car,when the spell came over me i would talk in it, if i had a question i wanted to ask him i would record it so i wouldn't forget the question and sometimes i would even answer myself. One thing that is true it does ease as time passes,i said ease with time not go away, it never goes away.

Answer 4

If you are still hurt, then you don't trust him. And without trust you have NOTHING! He cheated on you. He showed you when he cheated, how much he cares about you, repects you and the marriage,etc. So why are you still with him? The marriage been gone. Your still hurting! You will never heal if it's already been 3 years. Those scars from cheating are forever. He destroyed your marriage. And you are destroying yourself by staying with him all this time.

And you will live in doubt for the rest of your life. When he comes home late from work? When he starts acting distant with you? When stops being intimate with you? When he has an excuse for everything? When he stops spending time with you? You will always have that thought in the back of you head, that says he's cheating again. And majority of the time, your intuition is RIGHT.

You will always be soo paranoid and suspicious of him. No matter how much counseling you recieve. You will always wonder..."what if". And this behavior will be the end of your marriage in the long run because eventually he will get tried of putting up with it.

So why put yourself in so much more heartache, pain, stress, and drama? Forget seeing a shirk. Your still young, you have your health, and so much more to live for. Get your divorce lawyer on the phone and leave his ***! And find someone esle who will love and respect you enough to not cheat on you!

Answer 5

Join the club. It has been 28 years and it still hurts like it just happened. He has ruined my life forever. I stayed for the children and financially I am definitely better off having stayed. But he killed the love I had for him 28 years ago.

I should have left him with the two boys and started over.

We went to counseling, waste of money except for the one piece of advice.. go find an activity outside your family. I joined a dance troupe that is more family than my husband.

Answer 6

Sweetie theres no way you can overcome it. The only thing that you can do is let time heal it for you. Some will tell you that you need to see a councilor so you can accept it. All of us has diff. emotional reaction when it comes to out spouse infidelity. Let your heart heal.
Mine had his affair last year and once in a while I still think like it happened yesterday. Be patient so that way you can accept what had happened....

Answer 7

first you need to know that you had nothing to do with him cheating on you. there was nothing that you did or didnt do that caused him to cheat. so dont put the burden of blame on you. your husband has a problem and only he can solve. he needs to seek some professional counseling and so do you. you need to be taught the necessary steps needed to take to begin the healing process for you. at this point until you find peace and forgiveness you are going to feel the pain and always wonder why. but please know that you had nothing to do with him cheating. seeking some professional counseling ASAP. what you are going through and feeling is normal so you are not alone. but you need help to get over this. you cant do it by talking to friends or family you need professional help. but know that it is doable. GodBless

Answer 8

you need to be able to forgive him if your going to keep him.. forgiving him will set it free from you.. you have not forgave him yet or you would be past it by now.. if you feel hes proved his love and commitment to your relationship for the last 3 yrs then its time to let it go.. it will be a weight off your shoulders if you do let it go. if you hang on to it it will just eat you up and no one is happy. please if you know you can trust him and have been then you have to let yourself be free of that pain.. dont let it eat you up.. your hurting yourself and him too i would bet. good luck

Answer 9

As cheesy as it sounds, it will take time. Time does heal all wounds, believe me, I know. Vent out all of your feelings, cry, scream, hit, punch, run, do anything to vent out those feelings because keeping them in won't do you or anyone any good. The best thing I can tell you is to pray, and ask God to take that pain away. Get distracted, do something you've always wanted to do go out and have FUN!!! LIFE IS WAY TO SHORT!!!!!!!

Answer 10

if you are still hurting after 3 years move on hes probely still cheating once always