Let me make this simple. We have been fighting a lot lately, and he checks his balls at the door when his mom visits. He does not defend me against her tirades, does whatever she says, and I told him he needed to grow balls and he threw me across the room. I am rehabilitating from a stroke and lost my balance, which caused slight injury. This was sort of a crescendo...
The only reasons to stay are:
I am self employed and rely on him for medical insurance. I recently had a stroke and require medical insurance (I am in the USA)
We have two teens who are almost done with high school. 3.5 years and the youngest is done.
I have two dogs, and it would be difficult to find a home where I could keep them if I left.
Also, if I choose to stay, is just meeting an ex and flirting an affair?
2007-11-13 16:02:14 · 12 answers · asked by STEPHANIE 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should plan on going, as he will never "grow balls"
2007-11-13 16:24:03 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything you have wrote above is just excuses. Leave now first he laid his hands on you second you are recovering from a stroke that makes the whole thing even worst. now a response to each one of your excuses you have a medical condition apply for medical assistance through the state plus as long as you are still married he has to carry you and when you go for a separation and divorce you can get that as a stipulation that he has to carry you for so long second let them make the choice on who they want to live with and which school they want to go to or just find a house or apartment in there current school Thrid I am sure you love your dogs but leaving your dogs behind so you do not get beaten by your husband is ok believe me they are only dogs when youa re at this point. And about your last question an affair is when you have any sexual contact with another person from kissing to doing the deed. Leave him before you even go hang out with your ex that way he is not get pissed if he finds out and throws you again. So I guess what I am saying is it does not sound like you are ready to leave cuz you sure have alot of excuses but if you are call your local domestic violence they might beable to help you tooo
2007-11-14 00:25:01 · answer #2 · answered by MEMYMOM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see how you are in a very tough situation. Personally, I think you should go. He knows you are rehabilitating from a stroke, and has no right to touch you. As far as your reasons to stay....if you move out and into an apartment of your own, you can take your dogs and kids with you since you are in a violent situation. As scary as it may seem, you can make it on your own, and it is really important for you to protect your kids, your dogs, and yourself. First, you don't want your 2 high school aged kids to see what he is doing to you. They are at the age where they know what is going on, even if they don't tell you. I don't think you want your kids to be in an environment where dad conveys that it is OK to hurt mom. Second, finding a pet friendly apartment complex is not difficult to do these days. In my own experience, only a small percentage of apartments don't allow dogs in all the cities looked into. In fact, I always negotiated a 2 for 1 pet fee when I used to rent, so I only paid the pet fee for 1 dog, not 2. That is just a tip that you can use when you talk to the apt complexes. Also, you don't necessarily need to move into an apartment. Check your local newspaper classifieds. I am sure there are a few rental homes or apartments available. As far as medical insurance...that is another tough one. He may remove you from his medical insurance when you move out. However, depending on your income, you may be able to get some public assistance since you will have 2 kids. I would start by calling the local Health Department. Health dept's usually provide medical services on a sliding scale basis, which means you only pay what you can afford based on your income. You should be able to get all of your post-stroke care there.
Regardless of what you decide, just make sure you are prepared. If you move out, make sure you have $$, talk to your local health dept about health care options, find an affordable place to live that allows dogs, stock up on any meds and things that you need before you move out, and be prepared for him to make a scene when you try to leave. If possible, have a friend there with you to help you move out, or move out when he is not home.....for your own safety!
Good Luck!!
2007-11-14 00:23:41 · answer #3 · answered by iloveeeyore 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think even if all the financial situations were in your favor, you would probably still choose to stay. Because sometimes we find it eaiser to deal with what we know. At least you know what you're dealing with!
In his defense, sometimes when a mother is involved, it's VERY difficult for a man to go against what she says. Maybe he's more passive, so when he doesn't outwardly defend you, it's not that he agrees with her, but that he's just trying to keep the peace with his mother. Maybe he understands better than you do that it's best just to let her mouth run and ignore her, which is what he might be doing. It's not that he's not defending you, just that he maybe has a different way of dealing wih her than you do.
About shoving you, there was no need for that, but then again we don't know what you might have done to push him to that limit. Not that I'm excusing him for doing what he did--not at all! But there might have been a reason.
About your children--it would surely benefit them for the two of you to stay together. I think it's all fixable--you both just have to be willing to work at it and work at it hard. I know more than anyone that marriage can get annoying and involve only lots of work. But I think it's worth it.
If it's about the dogs....please! I don't think it's about the dogs. I think that you want to stick around but are just looking for someone to tell you, "He's a jerk--just leave!" But you're not going to get that advice here. It's much easier to deal with what you know than it is to go out the great unknown. Not that you couldn't handle yourself out there--you could. But why should you have to if you're willing to work things out with him?
2007-11-14 00:12:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well mw personally it's time for you to get up and go. you need to find the strength to do this. go head and file for divorce. im sure you could get him to pay for your insurance through the divorce.. it's very possible.
he should never put his hands on you ever. im sorry honey but you need to leave before it gets out of hand. like i said you can get a lot of things out of divorce. u can also get him to pay for just about any and everything.
as far as the teens what does that have to do with you? there almost done with school.. and...
you might not be able to keep both dogs if u leave. do u have a friend that could keep them 4 a while?
It's not cheating unless your actually having an affair with this guy. like having sex.
2007-11-14 00:11:26 · answer #5 · answered by erica h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not tolerate this. He is abusing you and you cannot put up with it. I would have told him the same thing. It is even worse that he did that to you with your medical problems. Meeting an ex and flirting is leading to an affair. I would not do that. You need to get this mess straightened out. None of these are good reasons for you to stay and take this. He can go and live with his mama.
2007-11-14 00:33:22 · answer #6 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no not meeting him is an affair but if you get emotional or physical with him then it is. as for your husband i am sorry you feel your stuck and i would understand that.. med insur. is very important when your the one ill. i would work on saving some money back as much as you can each week. try to get things in order to leave him if that's what your wanting to do.. and i would just for what he did to you.. that is not acceptable and is a deal breaker to me. i would also be checking out things like shelters and programs that can help you with med. bills and things. like disablity or something. get your ducks all in a row and leave his sorry *** behind. good luck
2007-11-14 00:18:55 · answer #7 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it at all possible that you stay, and HE go???
PLEASE acquire a restraining order against him. He has no right to abuse you. And perhaps it would be to your best interest to refrain from ugly verbalization.
I would also NOT get involved with another while still married to him. That too could be considered very unhealthy for you!
Are you not aware of the women who 'dissappear' on a regular basis?
2007-11-14 00:12:42 · answer #8 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all of your reasons to stay are just excuses that can be easily fixed if and when you ask the right people to help.
here's a few reasons to leave....
do you want your teens, who are just around the corner from adulthood, to think that this is what marriage is about?
what do you think will happen the next time he throws you across the room?
2007-11-14 00:24:33 · answer #9 · answered by celticbuddha 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Darling, NOTHING is worth endangering your life for (unless you are protecting someone). Get out before he does worse violence to you. Perhaps, stay married if you need all those things you mentioned, but don't live in the same house with him.
2007-11-14 00:17:57 · answer #10 · answered by Linni 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's turn this into a sentence, SHOULD I STAY (should I stay and endure this abuse????) or should I go..... Yes you should leave..... I am sorry to hear that you are going through this.. This is my scenario if they hit you once and they are like that with their mother than they will never change and yes he will continue hitting you or hurting you very badly...Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-11-14 00:11:07 · answer #11 · answered by brandy d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋