How do I deal with my husband who shows no affection, no tenderness, no energy or focus?

Question

to our relationship and will NOT go to counseling. Thanks!

Answer 1

The burden falls on you.
What are you willing to accept in your life?
Are you willing to remain with a man who shows no affection?
No tenderness?
No energy?
No focus?
Refuses to go to counseling?

You don't need to even be in here, you need to be in counseling yourself to determine what is and isn't acceptable to you and for you .Once you have arrived at this conclusion you will need to determine how to proceed with the decision you have made for your life.
In any event,good luck!

Answer 2

You have three choices, either realize that this is who he is, or rather, this isn't who he is. He may not be affectionate or tender. But are there other qualities that make up for this? Does he provide for you, take care of you in other ways? Affection and tenderness may not be something that he needs in his life, and he doesn't realize why you need it so bad.

You can decide that you can't live without affection or tenderness and move on despite the other qualities he may possess.

You can pray about it, ask God for it not to bother you as much, or to make him see how badly you need this from him.

My husband of 9 years has been the same way. I decided to accept the fact that he wasn't romantic, wasn't affectionate, wasn't attentive, and didn't show emotions very well. It isn't until now, he has started to change, paying more attention to me, commenting on my looks... etc.

Good luck with this issue.

Answer 3

Remember 4 items -

1) Listening

2) Reasoning

3) Understanding

4) Negotiating

You could try the long-lost art of speaking with your husband concerning your thoughts and feelings.

Choose a time when both of you have absolutely nothing to do. (You can't give excuses, then)

Remember that you might need to give up some of your time for this to happen.

Also, choose an atmosphere which is conducive for discussion, such as a "neutral" room of the house, or perhaps (if the weather is nice), sitting on a blanket in the back yard.

Above all, the atmosphere must be relaxing and no interference, such as TV, other people, music, noisy locations, etc.

The simple trick of communicating is CALMLY (and I mean calmly) discussing with your husband your thoughts, dreams, and hopes. Other subjects could also be included.

Remember the word calmly. It does no good if one raises their voice and tries to control the conversation.

Another trick is listening to your husband's side of the conversation. Don't you dominate the conversation and keep your ears open.

Remember, you asked him for his time, so give him your full attention.

Most conversation ends abruptly because of non-listening.

An item of importance; if your husband says something you don't agree with, don't belittle him; instead,

Negotiate and ask him what would be agreeable to him.

(This tends to work wonders - it makes people stop to think, sometimes helping them realize they just might be unreasonable. But keep in mind - they might do this to you, so have some reasonable answers ready.)

Keep the communications open and two-way.

You'll find that listening, reasoning, understanding, and negotiating are very effective ways of communicating and eventually everybody gets what everybody wants.

Answer 4

Then it's going to be a very difficult relationship. Trust me I know from personal experience that this isn't easy to deal with. Especially when I am a very affectionate and loving type of person. It's very hard to be with someone that isn't the same way and doesn't want to show affection.

Answer 5

Leave his sorry ars! No, but really it can be impossible to get a guy to go "share his feelings" and it won't do any good for you to try. Some men are raised, or better put, it is in their nature to not want to talk about feelings. It is so ingrained in their mind that nothing you do will convince them. It's kinda like getting someone who has always been deathly afraid of heights to walk a tight rope over the grand canyon, not gonna happen. This leaves you with the decision to suffer with him, or get out. Sorry!

Answer 6

Sometimes you have to remember that they are emotional beings as well. Maybe you think that you're doing everything for him, but you're not doing anything near what he would like you to do for him. Figure out what it is that he might want to show you emotion for him and maybe he'll ask you the same thing in return. Sometimes we just show emotion the way that we want/need to see it, but that doesn't mean that you're showing it the way he would need to see it.

Answer 7

You don't. He has somebody on the side. Get a life. Be hard to get. Don't play. Stay out late. Have some fun. Be unreachable. Be mysterious. Don't be needy or whiny. Be independant.

Answer 8

If he isnt showing any interest in you and no willingness to fix the problem, then it is probably way to late to do anything but leave him and try and pick up the pieces

Answer 9

Sit down with him and tell him he "needs to listen to you as this is becoming a turning point in your relationship" and then ask him to see a counselor.

Answer 10

then you are in the wrong relationship if he wont help himself. you must be to him #1 no matter what or you must chose to take care of #1