Help! My husband is a NEAT FREAK!?

Question

You're probably thinking that's not such a bad thing. I AM happy that he's not the opposite (a total slob). However, my husband is so neat that I feel like I'm on pins and needles about the housework. He is cool in every other aspect of our marriage, but he has gone too far with the house cleaning. My best example to explain his madness......On Sunday, he went bike riding for the entire afternoon. I wanted to stay home and do laundry, clean the floors, etc (I actually like cleaning when I'm alone!). The house was spotless, as always...

Then, 2 days later (Tuesday), he mentions that he sees water spots/my long hair (strands of it) on the kitchen floor, and that the place needs to be vacuumed more often.

I work full time, my husband works full time. We have a wonderful relationship but it hurts me when he tells me that I "don't care" or don't put enough effort into the home like he does. We've talked about it but nothing's changed. I feel like I'm cinderella.

Answer 1

He has some kind of disorder. I'm a clean freak myself but I'm not that anal . Seems to me that you did what a normal person would do. You're right. He went too far. It's nice to have a spouse who likes to clean but I think he went over board to think that you don't care. He needs help, not you.

Answer 2

It sounds like he might be suffering from a form of OCD. If that is the case he can't always control what he feels about the house. People suffering from this feel that if things aren't just right they can't continue with their day until it is corrected. I guess from reading this I'm not sure if he is helping with the cleaning or just making you do all of it. If you are the one doing all the cleaning and he is criticizing it then he needs to step up and help make it the way he wants is so you can both enjoy some free time together. If he is helping with the cleaning and still not happy with it he may need to talk to someone about a possible obsession. As hard as it may be for him, he needs to learn to put your relationship and happiness (both of yours) as his number one priority! Best of luck to you

Answer 3

its a hard one because you are both gone during the day and probably dont mess anything up that much. as if you would have a full time housekeeper whose job would be to pick up stray hairs 5 days a week. but maybe that is exactly what you need.

maybe google 'obsessive complusive cleaning' and see what it says about that. it is not that something is out of place, it is that he assumes to degrade you about it. as if that hair on the floor is evidence of something bad about you. because his hair is better than yours and would never strangely end up on the floor. for some it would be hard to handle this. as if one was attacked in ones own home for not being perfect enough. did his father talk down to his mother? or vice versa?

my nephew is a doctor and has a 5 day a week housekeeper. really. because he wants it the way he wants it. and his wife and he both work full time. this way, if there is a hair, he can take it up with his employee. and his wife has her place in the home as a cherished wife who is treated like a princess, not like a negligent sloppy servant he has contempt for. his wife remains his equal, and is very happy.

how motivated would someone be who is doing a great job and is being told by someone who is supposed to be on their side that they are being judged by that person as not caring? how long before they dont care at all?

you know where i am going here. when he starts tell him directly, it is not acceptable to say that to me. it is not true and i will not allow you to speak like that to me. it is disrespectful toward me as your wife. i am your wife, not a servant. and if he persists, get yourself a full time housekeeper, and tell him you want to remain happily married and respectful of each other.

Answer 4

My sister's ex-husband was a neat freak. If she was in the middle of a conversation with him he would pick strands of hair off of her shirt. If she made the bed...he would remake it. I don't think you can clean perfectly enough for him. Maybe he feels like only "his" way is the correct way! Try to come to some kind of compromise. He can do the cleaning you do the cooking.

Answer 5

If your husband is THAT picky, then it's only fair that HE take over the house cleaning. He has control issues honey and YOU shouldn't have to suffer because of it. He's demeaning you and making you feel like nothing you do is as good as him when it comes to this one area. The solution is simple: he cleans the house, that way, he has nothing to complain about!

Answer 6

yeah my bf is a neat freak to the point when he visits he would automatically clean up my house.
he would do dishes and clean the kitchen for up to an HOUR!!! i mean thats rediculous, im tidy but not neat -neat.
so i had to tell him to stop cleaning my joint bcoz i felt like i was untidy and he would help my untidiness to make it clean again.
tell your hub to praise the good you do and not nit pick you, if he continues then go on strike and he can clean to HIS hearts content! cheers

Answer 7

why dont you get a chore list or something along those lines, or come up with something like you clean the house on maybe mon, wed, fri, and he could pick up the slack on the other days

Answer 8

Keep this in perspective. You married him knowing all his character defects and attributes, so why are you complaining now?

Spend some time on here reading other people's marriage horror stories. Then maybe you will learn to enjoy what you have, rather than make this problem worse than it is.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Let him do all the housework from now on. And don't hestiate to tell him when you see a flaw. Point it out and tell him he's falling down on the job.

Answer 10

get a cleaning lady to come once a week and clean and then when he starts bitchin you can tell him to talk with the cleaning lady. they are cheap and just try for a month so you can get your point across to him. this way he will realize how you feel.