I'm getting divorced I have a 3 yr old son. My court date is in 5 wks. I want full custody. Is it possible?

Question

I filed back in May for a divorce. We've been separated since the end of March. I originally asked for full custody (80/20). He came back and asked for sole. After that, I began to compromise, and basically split everything down the middle. I would take the debt, and no child support, I would cover our son insurance-wise, etc. I thought it was a pretty easy deal to settle on. I have since changed my mind and decided to go for full, but am scared to death that I won't get it. I want to be the primary caregiver and be in charge of making the major decisions. My ex has followed me from work several times, threatened people I've talked to, left a million nasty phone messages (which aren't admissible in court), called me names, and made poor decisions for our son. I am having to drive round trip of 75 mi to get my son from daycare (my ex in-laws), because he refuses to help with the transportation. Anyway, I don't really have anything to prove that he's unfit, although I know it in my heart

I don't talk to him unless it has to do with my son. He asks about legal stuff, and I tell him to talk to his lawyer. He is constantly telling me I am a bad mom, and that I don't care about my son, and I NEVER say demenaing things like that to him. I am out here with no family (just moved here last summer), and this is where he grew up. He has all the support and help that he wants. He tells me that he's going to put my son in a school an hour away just so I have to drive. I agree that this stuff is immature, but would like to state that I am not acting this way. I know it's hard to believe me if you don't know me, but I'm telling you that my top priority is my son, and I will encourage a relationship with his father. I just don't think that he should be brought up with that lack of family value. I have seen a lot in my ex these past 8 months or so, and it scares me to death that the fate of my son could be in his hands. My laywer told me to keep a log of all communication, so I did...

Yeah, he keeps telling me that "that won't look good to the jodge" and "you better watch what you do". It is creepy, really. The messages that I got aren't admissible in court, so I have been told by my lawyer. I have been told that I can get a restraining order, but that unless I have hard evidence (which I don't), it won't matter to the court. I wish I would have taken a picture when he followed me. He has physically threatened my boss in person, he called my supervisor and made a physical threat to him about my boss, he called my siter and did the same thing. He's not the brightest. He called my work twice, once physically threatening my boss...to the point that my work wanted to get a restraining order for him. I know it was my ex who called, because he told me he did. But because he didn't give his name when he called, my work won't give me the report. Extremely frustrating, because he plays a good ol' boy, a saint, and EVERYONE believes it...except those people he's called!

Thanks for all of your responses. My lawyer told me that due to some change in the legislature in the recent years, that the court system is more in favor of joint physical and legal custody...unless of course, I coudl prove that he was abusive or on drugs. Since when does someone have to be on drugs or abuse someone to be a bad parent. Is that the only thing that can be used as an excuse? What about those parents who have no clue what they're doing, or those who think about themselves before their children (which is my ex all over). What about that? It can't just be because of poor parenting habits?? I don't get it. He's got 3 other kids from a previous marriage who he didn't even try to get custody of. He told me that he got raked over the coals in that divorce, and he wasn't going to let me do that to him. I tried to be fair. I tried to think about my son and how taking his father away from him might effect him, but I still come to the conclusion that this is the best thing for him.

I know that we'll probably end up with 50/50. My only hope is that we get joint leagl, so that even if we can't agree on the major decisions for our son, at least we can have a mediator help us through it. I have tried to be reasonable in all aspects thus far, and will continue to do so. My son is who matters the most, and to remain civil, at least in fornt of him, is the most important thing to me. I have had one goal in mind this whole time for my son, and that is to make sure that wherever he is, whoever he's with, he's in a caring environment where he knows he's loved. If it ends up being 50/50, then I will do my best to eb the best mom I can be for him, and encourage a good relationship with his father. I have divorced parents and I know how detrimental it can be for a child to feel the tension between their parents. I want the opposite for my boy, and I am torn that it has to take a complete stranger to decide the fate of my son.

Answer 1

I don't understand why people are telling you that you can't get full custody. I have full custody of my daughter and am responsible for all decisions based on her. She does stay with him on the weekends but that is just his visitation. Most of the time a Judge wants the child to have a full time home and a primary parent. This is the best interest for the child. I had no problem with getting this I hope you don't either. Good Luck!

Answer 2

look, listen to your attorney here. It is obvious you dont like the guy anymore or his values but the bottom line is that he needs to be a very very bad man for the court to take him away from your son. So, he will get some custody, maybe even 50/50 as that is how a lot of cases go these days if the dad wants it. If you have police reports about his violent behavior, then great, but otherwise, this is the guy you chose to procreate with-now you will need to co-parent with so maybe you two need some parenting classes. too bad you two cant compromise, it is always better than letting the judge decide how your life will be lived. and that is the road you are going towards, letting the judge decide for you

Answer 3

People who act this way and do the things that your ex is doing, means that he is terrified. He knows that you very well may end up with sole custody of your son. Which is why he is doing this. And when you have an a**hole of an ex, it makes it very hard to state all of this in court, He will sit there and fire a whole bunch of bulls**t to the judge. You are probaby looking at years and years of bitter custody battles. It is going to be very hard on you and your son. And your ex will continue to act this way. I would document everything, I would state it in court. Your ex has really nothing to go on. And most times the judge does favor the mother in custody issues unless you are an abuser, an alcoholic, can't support yourself, let your son be around some really terrible people, etc...then the judge will choose the best fit parent. But it just sounds like your ex is making empty threats. I wouldn't worry to, to much. Your ex sounds like a real loser and I feel terrible for your son to have a father like this.

Answer 4

Don't give him a thing, he sounds like a real winner. You will probably get the custody and don't give in to anything, let the attorneys get all they can for you from him. Then be very careful how you live after it is over. Be frugal with every cent.
Try looking into State run child care programs if they still exist, as I think they do, as the illegals use it. Look for child care somehow somewhere close to you. Photograph him following you, note the date and time, this is stalking and is punishable. Learn to be more aware of him, and try to point him out to anyone you are around when you know he is watching you. Get there names and a contact number in case you need to have them step up to the plate in your defense. Those calls, and threats are against the law.....who told you they weren't......you are being followed...stalked, and threatened....the law is on your side.....only if you report it.....dates, times, where. WRITE it all down.....

Answer 5

i'm uncertain what the guidelines are there, yet once you have a visitation order he has a real to ascertain his toddler. in case you have a courtroom order for toddler help and he's no longer paying it you could take him to courtroom for being in contempt. in case you have no of those and you have been in no way married he truly does not have a real till he is going to courtroom and proves he's the father then he will ought to pay toddler help and get visitation. in case you have concerns approximately him doing drugs, you could ask that he have supervised visitation which will in basic terms be for a pair of hours at a time. i desire this helps and God bless you. If I have been you i'd get an legal expert to characterize you, get any police comments on him, and you will request that he be made to take a drug try. in case you could coach all or perhaps maximum of this if he needs visitations then he ought to in basic terms be allowed supervised. as quickly as you pass to courtroom and he figures out he will ought to pay toddler help he will the two ought to choose for to straighten up or he won't get everywhere.

Answer 6

hahahaha ......don't put much hope in the court system. They seem to love the shi**y dads. If your ex was anything remotely similiar to mine (and I think mine was worst I am not telling all here) he will know how to manipulate it since he probably has been manipulating all his life. I cannot even begin to start to tell you all the things I went through with him going up to court before me and cornering the Family court officers with his sob stories (when the officers should not have seen him before time) He used his illness and accident and really hammed it up. Meanwhile no one saw him carrying a heavy computer desk up 2 flights of stairs all on his own or climb through a window with a broken neck. Then they would look at me like I was the wicked witch trying to withold my child from him. "how dare you" I got it from women too (since he was good at charming them). Look, pray for the best. I'll pray for you too. Sorry to sound so cynical. But it seems you would literally have to set yourself up to be physically abused before the courts would listen to you and believe. They just see you as being vindictive and I guess I can understand it in a way since they probably have heard the same "stories" a million times. When I use to work in collections (very briefly) I would hear the stories and fall for them EVERY time. They would break my heart. I guess people in courts have to harden their hearts to work in there. Sad.

Btw, they didn't want to listen to my tapes (He left on my voice mail where he threatened to kill me or force me by gunpoint to return to him). I love when people say there are always options for us women. There are but it seems there are alot of roadblocks to get there too.

ygfish, you are doing the right thing by keeping a record of it - at first I didn't. Or it would be sporatic. Btw, you sound like a good mom to me.

wow, he really is starting to sound so similiar to mine. Good ol boy. Yep, I know what you mean.

Answer 7

you cant get full custody unless you prove you prove he is an unfit parent. if guys are are slinging c*** at each other then id suggest you both stop cause its really immature and it will only make him angrier

Answer 8

anything is possible, believe it and fight for it. Maybe you will not win, but you have to try especially with the strong feelings you have that your son is better off with you then your ex-husband.