I've been married for a little over 9 years now, we have 1 kid. We got married right out of high school, I was 17. Anyway, it was ok at first, then we kinda got used to each other, didn't do so many nice things for each other, so on and so forth. Then he confessed that a few years ago he cheated on me. Now we barely talk, let alone anything "else". I guess I'm getting the grass is greener feelings. We've said time and time again that we're going to work on this and try to reconnect, but we are really two very different people. Sad to say but we only got married cause I got pregnant. So I just thought I'd throw it out there for some advise.
2007-11-13 13:50:35 · 14 answers · asked by Ambiey 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The grass is greener on the other side but it is just as hard to cut.
2007-11-13 13:57:02 · answer #1 · answered by wudusaydude 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I am sorry that things are turning out the way they are.The thing that stands out the most of what you said you only got married cause you got pregnant. I have seen a few couple do the same thing . I know a couple who was 15 and 16 when they became parents. they was lucky they have been together now for 24 yrs. But sad to say not many make it. Sometimes having differences can complete each other . After 9 yrs I am sure you know deep in your heart what is right for you . I am sure you think that its best for the child if you try to stick it out but kids seem to be able to sense things are wrong even if you think your hiding it well! All you can do is try your best to talk things over and make it work . If you feel that you have tried everything and nothings working then I would say maybe it might be best to move on and let each other try to find the happiness that you may be denying your selves. Like I said only you know deep with in your heart and soul what you need to do!!
2007-11-13 14:06:57 · answer #2 · answered by kallicokitty 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try marriage counseling. Read Divorce Busters and Fascinating Womanhood books.
Stay married at least until your child is grown. She deserves a real home with both parents.
Make home the best place to be - inviting and stimulating all the senses - visual warmth, aroma therapy, very gentle music, and cook his favorite foods. Plan some family events with him and make some new enjoyable memories. Cuddle up to him when you watch TV.
Be somebody fun to live with - exhibit some kindness, charm, and tenderness. Kiss him hello and goodbye when he comes and goes from the house.
The grass is not greener - the life of a single Mom is miserable and hard on the children.
Joy to you!!
2007-11-13 19:35:40 · answer #3 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard place to be! One the one hand you want to stay together and provide a stable home for your child; on the other hand, you are not in love and neither is he. Since getting divorced is so much more final, keep it as a last option, but do look into other interim steps that may revive your marriage.
You could see a counselor to get help in staying together. Ideally, you should both want that. If he does not, go by yourself and look at what you get from your marriage and how you can change yourself so you are happier. This will be of great help no matter what you do. You can ask your counselor to help you stay married and give yourself some time to see how it works out. If it gets better, stick around. If it does not, you can ask your counselor to help you divorce.
Just know that divorce is not necessarily going to make your life easier or better. You have a child. He will have women who may not treat your child well. If you do date, you are exposing your child to a male who is not genetically related to him/her and therefore, you could place your child in a potentially abusing situation there also.
While you are working on your marriage - work on yourself. Find out who you are and what you are about. Give yourself what you are needing from your hubby - love, compassion, tenderness, attention, respect... look for good female friends to have companionship. Work at becoming the very best you you can be and be a solid role model for your child.
Ultimately, you may be able to coax love into the relationship. If, however, it does not happen, work at being the best co-parent you can be so your child does not pay too high a price...
Good luck!!
2007-11-13 14:01:56 · answer #4 · answered by Gatubella 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You both need to talk to some one. Alone and then together. What you are going through sucks, but probably common for two that get married so young. The grass is greener is mostly a theory! Ask all those that are divorced if they wished they had work a little harder together to fix their relationship.
Good luck!
2007-11-13 13:56:58 · answer #5 · answered by michael w 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you've talked about working on things, but haven't still, after nine years, I say it's time to throw in the towel. There is no sense in staying together for the sake of your child (I'm not sure if this is the case, I'm just assuming because you said you got married because of your pregnancy). You're still young and there are plenty of fish in the sea. Good luck with everything.
2007-11-13 14:02:01 · answer #6 · answered by cindos_69 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I stayed married for 10 long years to 1st wife, because of family values! She left kids I, and we survived 15 years together!! I could blame her, me, them, or 100's of other things! But the truth is "someone had to be STRONG enough to leave!!" That was 1 of the best things she ever did 4 us! We did really good together!! We too, were very young, and really made a mess out of it!! I've got my kids, grandkids, and 1 g-grandson now!! LIFE IS REALLY GOOD!!!!
2007-11-13 14:01:32 · answer #7 · answered by happywjc 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the grass only looks greener. when u get there u see that there is as much cow crap as on ur side.
2007-11-13 14:07:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your still young enough where you can leave him and find someone else who makes you alot happier, he doesnt deserve you if he is going to be cheating on you
2007-11-14 00:48:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a commitment and if he is not abusive, you really need to work it out. Talk to him.
2007-11-13 13:53:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋