I'm very judgmental. What can I do to change this?

Question

I can't help giving my opinion when I see or hear about someone doing something I consider wrong or stupid.
I so badly want to be the type of person that doesn't cast judgment on people but it just comes out.
Does anyone know any good techniques I can use to stop it?

Answer 1

There are many choices as I will list
- Let Others Be "Right" most of the time *
- Become a better listner
- Choose your battles wisely *
- See the innocence
- Choose being kind over being right *
- Understand Separate Realities *
- Resist the Urge to Criticize *
- Relax
- Read Articules and Books with Entirely Different points of View from your own and try to learn something *
- Quiet the mind *
- Realize the power of your own thoughts *
- Mind your own buissness *
(* = Use)

One of the most important questions you can ever ask yourself is "Do I want to be 'right' -- or do I want to be happy?
Many times, the two are mutually exclusive!

Being right, defending our positions, takes an enormous amount of mental energy and often alienates us from the people in our lives. Needing to be right-- or needing someone else to be wrong-- encourages others to become defensive, and puts pressure on us to keep defending. Yet, many of us, spend a great deal of time and energy attempting to prove (or point out) that we are right--and/or others are wrong. Many people, consciously, or unconsciously (unaware), believe that it's somehow their job to show others how their positions, statements and points of view are incorrect, and that in doing so, the person they are correcting is going to somehow appreciate it, or at least learn something. WRONG!

Think about it. Have you ever been corrected by someone and said to the person who was trying to be right, "Thank you, so much for showing me that I'm wrong and you're right. Now I see it. Boy, you're great!' Or, has anyone you know ever thanked you (or even agreed with you) when you corrected them, or made yourself "right" at their expense? Of course not.
The truth is, all of us hate to be corrected. We all want our positions to be respected and understood by others. Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart. And those who learn to listen are the most loved and respected. Those who are in the habit of correcting others are often resented and avoided.

It's not that it's never appropriate to be right-- sometimes, you genuinely need to be or want to be. Perhaps there are certain philosophical positions that you don't want to budge on such as when you hear a racist commment. Here, it's important to speak your mind. Usually, however, it's just your ego creeping in and ruining an otherwise peaceful encounter-- a habit of wanting or needing to be right.

A wonderful, heartfelt strategy for becoming more peaceful and loving is to practice allowing others the joy of being right-- give them the glory. Stop correcting. As hard as it may be to change this habit, it's worth any effort and practice it takes. When someone says "I really feel it's important to..." rather than jumping in and saying, "No it's more important to...", or any of the hundreds of other forms of conversational editing, simply, let it go and allot their statement to stand. The people in your life will become less defensive and more loving. They will appreciate you more than you could ever have dreamed possible, even if they don't exactly know why. You'll discover the joy of participating in and witnessing other people's happiness, which is far more rewarding than a battle of egos.

When we judge or critcize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.

If you attend a gathering and listen to all the criticism that is typically levied against others, and then go home and consider how much good all that criticism actually does to our world a better place, you'll probably come up with the same answer as I do: Zero!. It does no good. But that's not all. Being critical not only solves nothing: it contributes to the anger, and distrust in our world. After all, none of us likes to be criticized. Our reaction to criticism is usually to become defensive verbally, and/or withdrawn.

A person who feels attacked is likely to do one of the two things : he will either retreat in fear or shame, or he will attack or lash out in anger. How many time shave you criticized someone and had them responding by saying
: "THANK you so MUCH, for pointing out my flaws. I really appreciate it"?

Criticisim , like swearing, is actually nothing more than a bad habit. It's something we get used to doing; we're familiar with how it feels. It keeps us busy and gives us something to talk about. If, however you take a moment to observe how you actually feel immediately after you criticize someone, you'll notice that you will feel a little deflated and ashamed, almost like you're the one being attacked. The reason is true is that when we criticize, it's a statement to the world and ourselves, "I have a need to be critical" This isn't something we are usually proud to admit.

The solution is to catch yourself the act of being critical.

Notice how often you do it and how bad it makes you feel.

Remember to say to yourself, "There I go again", hopefully, more often than not, you can turn your criticism into tolerance and respect.

Answer 2

Develop empathy. Put yourself in their situation and try to understand why they do things a certain way. If you still can't stop, find an interest that takes up more of your mental energy than to concern yourself with other people's issues.

Answer 3

Before you comment, try to place yourself in that person's "shoes". Play all the scenarios: Maybe he's ill, maybe she is grieving over a death of a loved one, maybe they are reacting to a negative force in their lives. Nobody really knows what goes on in ones mind to make them act the way they do. Remember also that everyone deserves a second chance. I'm sure you have been given a few in your lifetime.

Answer 4

I would suggest that you focus on your own "perfection". When you reach this level of living in the world, you have everyones permission to judge others openly. Until that time, realize that "judging" is a very useful tool we can use to negotiate this thing called life. I look at the behavior of someone else and think..."gosh, I'd like to be like them" or "there is no way in hell I could live with myself if I were like that". In both of these instances, I have made a judgement ( to MYSELF by the way) and can decide what, if anything, I'd like to DO with my judgement. In some cases, looking at someone elses mistakes can be an opportunity to learn. I can see..oh .....you screwed up...I see the consequences and decide I dont want to go there, too. In some cases, I can see the strengths of another person and can decide that "I want what they have" and figure out a way to behave which makes me feel good about who I am. I say all this to share this truth...."a really good life is dependent upon a really good ATTITUDE". If I keep the focus on me and try to improve my own life and attitudes, I dont really have time to look at what others are doing. I hope you can change your attitude. ;-0

Answer 5

Think of how what you say can hurt someone BEFORE you say it. Will your judgement help these people doing these stupid things? Absolutely not, especially if you're someone who says stuff like that all the time. Most people probably just think you're an asshole.

Answer 6

Every time you're going to say something, take a second and think about it first. Ask yourself if what you're going to add to the conversation is judgemental, and if you would want someone saying it to you.

Answer 7

i think you should read passages from the Bible on a regular basis and pray about it. and i also think that if you really knew what people had to go through in life, you'd be way less judgemental. read the world news everyday and you'll realized how blessed you really are, then maybe you'll hold your tongue.

Answer 8

well, you care enough to stop and ask this question on yahoo. in your everyday situations, take a little time to consider how might whoever you're judging might react to your criticism...is your criticism valid--is that person really doing something wrong/stupid, or is that person doing something you wouldn't do/don't like.

Answer 9

Just focus on yourself and all the stupid things you might say and do sometimes. I'm sure you wouldn't want someone judging you the same either. Noones perfect, that includes you ...no offense.

Answer 10

Electroshock therapy or Aversion therapy (get away from stupid people, which may cause you to never see anyone)

Oh and, get off an answer site if you don't want to start giving people your opinions lol.