My husband is a good man. We have been together for 12 years. He has taken full responsibility of my 15 year old daughter and they have had quite a history-troubled. My daughter feels he does not like her and that she cannot do anything to please him. He is very harsh we he gets on to her, and his tone is quite hateful at times. He makes comments like "hes over this" and tonite my daughter said she needs a break from him and to please help her find a way to get a break from him. I feel he loves her and cares for her but the two of them see eye to eye on nothing. My heart is torn in two b/c my daughter is my world and my husband is my best friend as well as husband. If I butt in, it always makes things worse. I just have no idea what to say to either of them to make their lives together more compatible. What do I do if anything at all?
2007-11-13 13:28:27 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I agree with Maria C. Well said.
He is doing his job as a father,
and she's just a teenager.
Father's and daughter's clash.
Just tell him once in a while that he shouldn't be so hard on her. But if she is being rude for no reason, or not doing well in school and so on, then yes he needs to step in and tell her what is expected of her. Don't worry, he's being a good dad and is keeping himself involved with her life. It's called tuff love, he wants her to do well, and succeed in life. It's just a phase. Good luck!
2007-11-13 13:41:26 · answer #1 · answered by Jordan P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand why you dont put your 2 sence in. Honestly, i understand. The problem is this... she's 15 and she will try to test you both. He's probably firm and Firm doesnt flow well with teenage girls. (I have 3). He's doing his job and if he's treating her as if she were his own, let him. The fact that he's not her bio-dad makes you wonder if his intentions are genuine. It's a mothers flag, dont sweat it. IF he's a good man and is after her best interest, allow him to do his work. Yet, he should know that he's being a little to hard and is making her feel like making family changes. Also, on your own time with her, let her know how much he loves her and how she might be missing a big part of the picture. Also, suggest that he take her out on a father daughter date, movie and a meal. (everyone talks during a meal). Good luck
2007-11-13 13:36:29 · answer #2 · answered by Best Mom!! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you agree that your husband is rather harsh on your daughter, even though he loves her, then maybe the one in charge of disciplining her should be you instead. Take a moment when you and your husband are alone, to explain to him that you do not want to sever the lines of communication with your daughter at this vulnerable time in her life, and that therefore you are going to be taking over the day to day challenges that arise with regard to her. I don't mean that you should disregard your husband's views, but that you two talk it over in private, what course of action to take, and that it be you who delivers the actual parenting to your daughter. Explain to your daughter that you and your husband are in complete agreement, this will let her know that yours is a united front.
Also, make some time to spend alone with your daughter on a regular basis, and also make some time to spend alone with your hubby.
You have to take charge here. I have a daughter of my own, so I know how much is at stake here. Good luck!
2007-11-13 13:41:10 · answer #3 · answered by photochick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can sit down with both of them and explain how you feel that you know that neither of them have bad intentions for the other but that for some reason they are not communicating in a positive way. Also suggest that they see a counselor almost all insurances cover counseling, also many churches have someone to talk to. Good luck, sorry you are caught in the middle.
2007-11-13 13:37:42 · answer #4 · answered by whattheheck 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In almost the same situation as a child I can relate to your daughter. My stepdad was an uncaring jerk. My mother became more like him and stayed pretty much out of it or sided with him. In the end, my needs weren't met by either of them. I hope you'll take this seriously and address your daughter's needs separately from your husbands presence. She needs your understanding.
2007-11-13 13:38:44 · answer #5 · answered by oogabooga37 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for your daughter, she sounds exactly like I did when I was 15 and living with my verbally abusive aunt. There were times when I wished I could just get away from her, and I did, when I turned 18.
I seriously suggest family counseling, if you haven't tried it already.
2007-11-13 13:44:23 · answer #6 · answered by MLB. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds like typical 15 year old girl behavior, and typical abusive dad behavior. I think your husband needs to be reminded of who is the child, and who is the adult in their relationship.
Good luck.
2007-11-13 13:32:16 · answer #7 · answered by box of rain 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Get yourself into professional counseling. A good counselor can help you find your place in this mess, and maybe can get them to come in to "support" you. As a result they may get help, too, without the pressure of them being in therapy.
2007-11-13 13:33:09 · answer #8 · answered by LoB 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋