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My husband and I were both previously married. Out of our marriages came two amazing children (one boy and one girl). We have lived together since June of last year. Both children are 5 with birthdays within three weeks of each other. When the children are apart from each other, they are great. They listen, the whining stops, the hyperactivity ceases and they are great kids that are a pleasure to be around. However, together they are holy hell on wheels. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is Mine, Mine, Mine. We have gone as far as putting their initials on things that belog to them since many times we buy two of everything. Both my husband and I were only children so this tug of war and acting out is new for us. We give each child their own time with each of us. We make it a point to have family outings and dinner together. If we could have some pointers on how to tackle the "sharing" and constant competing to be "first" - we would appreciate it!

2007-11-13 13:23:08 · 8 answers · asked by Amber B 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

8 answers

I don't have any children yet (one on the way) so I can't offer any real solutions for you. However, I just wanted to let you know this is normal behaviour for full siblings of their age. It probably has less to do with your blended family than you realise, I would take heart that they are fighting like "normal" siblings - it will all end in time!

Good luck!

2007-11-13 13:31:48 · answer #1 · answered by Jen 5 · 0 0

This is a tough one, I have never been in the position you are in, my first though is that if they are to teach them to share, it may not be a good idea to buy two of every thing, at five they understand that you are a family and that family shares things, I use to have a timer set it for fifteen minutes,and when the time was up the other took a turn.
It is only fair that they have something special, a birthday present ,or a special toy that one of them got for Christmas, in that case the child should choose if he wants to share or not , you could also work on explaining to them that if one share his toy, his sister may share hers. It will take time , but I do not think that buying two of every thing will work because they will never learn to share.Also boys have totally different things so that should make things a bit easier
I remember with mine although I could afford to buy a chocolate bar for each of them, I would always open one at the time and share it among the three of them, then I would open the next one and do the same
You may think that you have this problem because the children come from two different family, but it is the same with members of the same family, children will be children and siblings are often jealous of each other at times, good luck.
PS I have just remembered when my lot banded together,from just about killing each other on one occasion, I gave them a common enemy (me ) I took every thing I had given them away from them, packed all away and went out taking ever thing with me, my husband, told me that the moment I was out of the door they started talking like the best friend they usually were and I was the bad one, worked like magic,when I gave them their staff next morning, they even apologized for the way they behaved, so you could also try this option, the moment they start, take every thing away, I think it is called tough love

2007-11-13 13:50:17 · answer #2 · answered by Loretta M 3 · 1 0

Yes any and all board games, movies, video games, books etc are now considered the family games, movies, books, etc and they both have to ask you or your husband for permission. They should be allowed to have their own toys as well that is theirs like the barbies dolls and the gi joes. Any fighting you just walk up take the toy and tell them I said there is no fighting in this house so this toy is mine now!! You may ask me for it when you both calm down and can learn to behave properly and you will take turns from now on. You each have 10 minutes... I will let you know when it's your turn next but if you bug me about it you won't get it at all. Do you understand me? this may seem harsh but this will work after you put it into practice and took a few toys away temporarily...all you would have to do then is call out loud...Do I hear fighting going on? they will both yell no and take turns on their own

2007-11-13 13:40:19 · answer #3 · answered by just bored 3 · 0 0

My first thought is putting initials on things only plays into their little hands and insecurities. But then I reflected back upon my childhood and I think a bit if this kind of behavior in normal to 5 year olds. If you want it to stop, you may just have to wait.

This answer is MINE! MINE! MINE!

2007-11-13 13:28:54 · answer #4 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1 0

It always amazes me when shacked up parents are all upset when the children are disrupting their "happy make believe we are a family life".

These children are not siblings. They are children whose lives have been ripped apart in a mere 5 years.

2007-11-13 13:30:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

MARSHA - MARSHA - MARSHA...LOL

I suggest give them a project that they have to work on together. a project that will consist of them putting their heads together to make a decision. For example, have them creat the dessert after dinner, have them decide what they should have, have them listen to each other suggestions and when they come to an agreement on ex, chocolate cake, take them to the store to get thier ingredients and have them work on this project together. Then during the break, (eating the cake) ask one about the others participation? And finally let them know that it turned out the way it did because they did team work. (Hopefully it comes out good)

2007-11-13 13:30:10 · answer #6 · answered by Best Mom!! 5 · 1 1

They are young, only children, you need to give them time. Young kids have a market on selfishness and you have to give them time to realize the situation isnot changing and it is permanent, it will calm down eventually.

2007-11-13 13:43:51 · answer #7 · answered by LV 3 · 1 0

i have the same problem try moms cafe.com i am no psychologist it's hard on the boulevard!

2007-11-13 13:32:53 · answer #8 · answered by keya 1 · 0 0

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