My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years now and we are not extremely young. He is 30, I am just about 26. I really don't think that he is thinking about asking me to marry him anytime soon. I have had this deadline in my mind from the beggining that I would give him until the end of this year to make up his mind to either ask me to marry him or move on. Of course he doesn't know about this, but do you think it's fair? I mean, I'm not going to waste several more years in my life if he has no desire to get married. I have told him how I feel-yet he doesn't seem to understand where I'm coming from with all this. Being a woman-my clock is ticking. I don't want to be well in my 30's when I have my first child. Call me crazy, but what would you do?
2007-11-13 12:05:17 · 31 answers · asked by BUTTERCUP 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well if you have been with him this long and love him then no. It may be a while before you fing someone else like that. However by the end of the year you need to talk to him and ask him where this is going.
2007-11-13 12:08:41 · answer #1 · answered by Melia C 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
wow..you guys have been together for nearly two years. why bother throwing that away? if he has been faithful towards you then why leave him? if you truly love him and he truly loves you, you should stay together. sometimes people arent ready to get married whether they have been with someone for 2 years or even 5 years and also 10 years. it just takes time. you should never ever put a deadline on something so strong and that has been a big part of your life. maybe he will ask you to marry him by the end of the year, but you should wait and see. wait to see whether he knows your the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with because honestly, why would you want to throw away your relationship with him if you have gotten this far already?
2007-11-13 20:12:52 · answer #2 · answered by michaela. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mother had me when she was 36. I was her second child, so I think she had my brother at about 34. I think my parents were married a good 5 or 6 years before they even though about kids.
Anyway...
We are at a new day and age... why don't you ask him to marry you? I know that may not be what you always dreamed about as a girl but it's something. And if he says no, then yes, maybe you should start to think about moving on. Do don't have to do the whole down on one knee thing, but ask him if he ever thinks about marriage.
I don't know, maybe that's a crazy idea.
But thats my two cents.
2007-11-13 20:12:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm totally on your side girl. I think u r sooo right.
Now about leaving him. What does the heart tell you? You love him? From what I can see not enough. You want something more stable in your life and he is not that thing. You want to start a family and settle down and he couldn't care less. If you love him so much, then don't leave him, stay with him, get urself pregnant and move on, you don't have to be married to start a family. U can even pretend that it was an accident, c what his reaction is. Depends what u want more in life!! And just go for it! That's what I would do. Good Luck!!
2007-11-13 20:12:22 · answer #4 · answered by Ruxandra V 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would just come right out and ask him "Do you think we'll marry each other one day"? There's no sense in beating around the bush about it. If this is a person you want to marry, then you shouldn't feel uncomfortable asking him about anything. Communication, as we all know, is a key factor in a relationship. So stop wondering and start asking. Good luck!
2007-11-13 20:14:34 · answer #5 · answered by cindos_69 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all, if you're going to put ultimatums in your head, and they involve another person in any way, you MUST tell them.
secondly, you're not crazy for setting goals, wanting certain things to happen in your life by a certain time, etc. but at the same time, do accept that he may not have those same goals in mind. so you may very well need go on and move on.
more often than not, if and when you leave him, it'll probably trigger something inside of him that'll make him want to marry you finally. you know the whole, don't know what you've got til it's gone. just don't put all your hope in it , since there is the possibility that it won't happen.
2007-11-13 20:17:51 · answer #6 · answered by celticbuddha 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Give him the ultimatium if you are prepared to leave if his answer is still that he doesn't want to get married. However, do you really want to marry a guy that wasn't that into marrying you in the first place? You just really have to follow your heart on this one and play out all of the senerios in your mind and decide what you are willing to lose and what you will be gaining. Will he always resent you for pushing him into something that he didn't feel 100% ready for?
2007-11-13 20:17:26 · answer #7 · answered by replexgirl 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you really love him then you wont give him an ultimatum. It really does sound like you care more about a ring on your finger and kids than the guy you are in a relationship with.
With an attitude like that, I'd suggest you leave him and let him find a woman who is not as controlling.
2007-11-13 21:45:28 · answer #8 · answered by Elvendra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, men don't like ultimatums... heck, no one does. But, you may have to tell him. He might get mad, and it may end the relationship because like you said, you want to get married and start a family, and he doesn't. Maybe you can just sit down and have a talk with him. Ask him where he sees himself in 5 years, and where you fit into it? Less scary than an ultimatum, and you'll know what he's thinking about.
2007-11-13 20:09:37 · answer #9 · answered by Dolyn 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
There is no reason to wait till your 30 to have a child. As a matter of fact that would be the best idea, so you can get settled more with money. Trust me I am 26 and struggling. with 2 kids..SO i learned the hard way but i love my kids no matter what.
2007-11-13 20:07:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think it is reasonable. It would be a shame to end up missing your own choices in life because you partner doesn't share your vision.
That said... I would be very careful to not make it sound like an ultimatum...... Present this with LOVE and understanding. He has every right to have his own vision....
Neither of you are right or wrong.. it's merely a different life choice.
2007-11-13 20:33:09 · answer #11 · answered by Bentley 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋