My husband and I are working on our marriage. I want him to promise he will stay and work things out no matter what. I want to leave the past in the past. He says he is afraid to promise this because he is afraid he will hurt me again. I am having a hard time accepting this. I don't understand. If I make a promise I keep it. He is being more realistic than I am? Is forever really forever anymore?
2007-11-13 11:19:58 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Someone suggested short term goals. The thing is it makes me feel like he still might leave. I know it's crazy but, how can I open my heart again and trust when he's not sure he can trust himself?
2007-11-13 11:32:45 · update #1
I know exactly what you mean. I'm the same way with promises. To me it's black and white, there is no gray area. Either a person means what they say or they don't. I don't understand this "I don't know" crap.
This society that we live in doesn't exactly scream "forever" any more. Which is very saddening.
I hope things work out for you. Pray about it.
2007-11-13 11:46:40 · answer #1 · answered by munxkin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forever will always retain it's meaning of "without end". But people do not always live up to it when they say it. I think it's good he is making an effort. He probably doesn't want to let you down, but is wording it in such a way that he won't be breaking a promise in case he fails. Now, I don't know the character of your husband, so this could mean he is a really great guy, or he could be leaving himself an easy out--"I told you I couldn't promise anything..." Yes, it is difficult to regain trust and takes a lot of time, but I have heard of couples going thru adultery (don't know what you are going thru), working it out, and actually having a stronger relationship in the end. So, it is all up to you--do you want to try and work things out, or quit now?
2007-11-13 11:52:47 · answer #2 · answered by Linni 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People change and their needs change throughout life. To be happy forever than you and your partner have to accept each other changing and how it effects both of you. In today's society we are programmed to say that we don't have to accept what we have but we can want something else as our needs change as we go through life. Everything in today's society is saying that we should be able to have what we want whether it be material things or a wonderful relationships. We are no longer programmed to accept what we have and work on that but rather to try something new. Once a marriage meant 'to dead do we part' and no matter how hard it was, that was the terms. Now marriage is only until you no longer love that person and you move on. Really this is a good thing as you no longer have to be in a bad marriage until the day you die.
2007-11-13 11:41:00 · answer #3 · answered by Lock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forever isn't actually "FOR EVER" it's until that person decides they're tired of you and or the relationship and want to move on to other things.
As for your husband, he sounds like he's being selfish. IF he feels that HE is going to end up HURTING YOU again, he should be seeing a therapist and the two of you should be attending marriage counseling!
He may say at least he's being honest.. but after hurting you once, if a person truly loves you, why would they want to hurt you and put you through that pain again? Wouldn't they want to do something to fix the problems and situation at hand especially when you're being so understanding and willing to leave the past behind.
2007-11-13 11:29:03 · answer #4 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you guys are still trying to work things out, may-be he has not seen enough improvement in the relationship to make the "forever commentment" again. It may have nothing to do with the trust he has for you, it just may be the lack of trust in the relationship as whole. People marry for so many different reasons now, forever seems to be more like 4 yeears. Be patient, work on the marriage. Who knows, you may be the one to say I want out when its all said and done.
2007-11-13 11:54:31 · answer #5 · answered by prettibrneyez23 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Set smaller short term goals....forever is a long time when one is not sure they want to stay and work it out. Promise 6 months and then re-evaluate....He is probably more afraid of the work it will take to stay, than of hurting you. He is already hurting you...
2007-11-13 11:29:23 · answer #6 · answered by that judi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that the bum deal in promising "forever" is that while you can promise to be there for someone, you can't force that person to do the same for you. And no amount of trying will help if that person is not trying with you.
I honestly believe that any two people who want to work it out enough can do so... but all too often, one or both people really isn't trying.
2007-11-13 11:26:03 · answer #7 · answered by Violet 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The marriage vows mean something. Didn't he promise already until death do us part, so why must he promise now? It sound like he did something wrong and he may do it again? You keep fighting for your marriage but it takes two, but don't give up. You will get through it no matter what happens!
2007-11-13 13:30:12 · answer #8 · answered by Dance 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My soon to be ex wife promised me that we would be together 'forever' that nothing could come between us that we couldn't work out, but after four years together and two months marriage, she just up and took off saying she didn't love me any more, so apparently 'forever' really means 'forever as long as I love you', at least in my case any way.
2007-11-13 11:24:19 · answer #9 · answered by Heart of Stone 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NOPE. People will let you down. There is no such thing as forever. I do not care what kind of marriage you have you never know what is going to happen. You could find prince charming and another woman catches his eye who is persistant and he keeps on saying no but eventually give in.
2007-11-13 11:23:35 · answer #10 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋