Can someone tell me what is wrong with her and how I can fix her?

Question

She says she's asexual, saying she can't feel love or feelings of attraction. I'm wondering if this is a true thing or psychosomatic(in her head). She was raped once, and we both deeply care for each other. I have to wonder if it's possible for her to love again. We're trying to start a relationship. Expert help is most preferred, but I'll take whatever I can get for advice/info/help. Can someone help me? I'm out of options and places to turn...

She claims she can't feel love due to the fact she was raped years ago. She and I care about each other, but she says she can't feel love or physical attraction. I will not give up on her. We're like perfect matches. I beleive it's all in her head, but I don't know how to fix it. I need your help, professional is preferred but i'll take what i can get. She and I really want a relationship to work, so I have come to you guys for help.

Answer 1

You cannot do this for her. See if she would agree to see someone. She needs to do it alone, but it would also be worth you seeing someone together to see if there could be a break through in your relationship.

Answer 2

im pretty sure asexual means you are both female and male. I really dont think thats the right word for that. But when it comes to advice, the best thing i can tell you to do is have her completely talk everything out, detail by detail, no matter how emotional. It will help her to realize everything and begin to move past it. Tell her that not everyone is that bad person who hurt her and that people are capable of being trusted and loved as well as it is possible for her to love back. Help her to forgive what happened but not to forget what happened. While she needs to realize it and move on, she should learn from that experience. Going through all these steps with her will possibly make her realize that you can be trusted and she can begin to love you for that.
I know these things from personal experience. I was in the same situation. and while this advice may not work for everyone, it really helped me. Also remember that she'll likely never completely move on from it (i havent) but atleast she can take a step in the right direction with you. Let her see you as someone who knows it all, she can trust and completely confide in.

Answer 3

I see that since her past experience she was really hurt by the fact that she was raped. She may feel that she cant feel love of feelings of attraction because "no one did for her" at the time that she was raped. she doesn’t know what she did to deserve getting raped, and since she couldn't secure herself back then, she’s securing herself now to the point where she’s not going to let any one in; only so she can prevent anything horrible like getting raped again or as simply as getting dumped(getting hurt). You asked what was wrong with her, and that’s your answer. I completely understand her situation, and the first thing that you can do to help her is to understand what has happened to her and to comfort her. all she really needs is understanding, but every human being is different, and take each situation emotionally differently. If you care about her, which I’m sure you do because your asking us for advice on yahoo answers, you must tell her how you feel about what has happened to her, tell her that its disgusting and immoral and that she didn’t deserve it at all, and tell her she’s not alone, tell her that you care about her and you wouldn’t let anything like that happen again. As sad as it is she needs to get over it and understand that yes, she was powerless then to control it, but she shouldn’t be so hard on herself and ignore all signs of companion ship just so it wouldn’t happen again. she’s needs to be safe. understand and tell her she’s safe. and I’m positive that she well let go. She probably isn’t saying "why she’s asexual" but that’s definitely the reason, I really hope that i helped and i give you too the best of luck.

Answer 4

First, i have to admit u r a sympathetic person if u r normal, because u would love someone who has been raped.
I believe deep down in her she still wants love, but at the same time she fears love, loving someone and being loved is great, just as romantic as in the movie, congratulations! You need to care her, she needs strong sense of safety! In the realistic world, she may have many options, would u stick to her in whatever difficult situations? Remember girls are different from boys, they are sensitive and inactive, they would never persue you even if they love you, they would love u after even before they didn't after your pursuit. Pursuit means what? Pursuit means your love and care for her, your protection for her.
This one would be particularly difficult for you! Because she was once terribly disturbed, so it would be a great challenge to convince her. Just don't hurry to make love, continuously give her love and care as much as u could, this step is to open her heart for life and for you, after she accept u spiritually, then u tell me what to do and how for the next step, it would be another difficult step to stop her from recalling the previous nightmare when u make love with her!

Answer 5

Be there for her. That is really hard to go through. Try and find a counselor for her and see if she will go if you go with her. It might help. That's the only way she'll get through this.
BTW this is something a lot of rape victims go through. It is from the traumatic stress.

Answer 6

You can't fix her. It's probably the trauma, though it may be to deep for her to realize that's it. She really needs to have some counseling. She really really needs a caring person who won't try to use her for sex, so be nice.

Answer 7

She needs to see a counsler. Period.

Answer 8

I know you don't want to hear it man, but it's time to jump ship. You can't un-break an egg.