why do bisexual men?

Question

find it hard to admit that they are bisexual and are attracted to guys? is there more of a stigma about homosexuality amounst men?
i have quite a few bisexual male friends and they really struggle with saying that they are bisexual so i don't put pressure on them and just let them know that i am there to talk. any bisexual men felt this way?

Answer 1

Well I'd say there are primarily two factors at work.

First, yes there is more of a stigma to being a homosexual male than a homosexual female. Many straight males are sexually aroused by the thought of two women together, so in their minds that's less odious than male homosexuality.

Secondly (and this ties into the first somewhat), we live in a culture where masculinity and the "alpha male" are valued traits, and male same-sex behavior does not mesh with those traits in the minds of many people.

Certainly the idea that one male may be the "bottom" or receiving partner is wholly at odds with the conventional societal concept of masculinity. "Receiving" is typically thought of as a feminine trait.

Finally, tied in with the masculinity self-image is the perception that men are supposed to be strong and invulnerable to their emotions. Because of this, talking about one's issues is perceived as weak and emasculating.

Answer 2

As a bisexual man, it is much harder for many reasons.

One - because not only do you have to come to terms with a same-sex attraction, but you are confused for a while because you think that you might be gay, or you are just bisexual

two - there is more of a stigma for men for many reasons (most people said already) because girl on girl is more acceptable, less repulsive, alpha male thing. etc.

three - they are not as readily accepted by the gay population as well as the heterosexual population because they are kind of in between. most people don't think bisexual's exist because they feel that they just don't want to fully admit that they are homosexual.

although the fact is that sexuality is on a spectrum and for some people sex (the biological kind) doesn't matter, they fall in love with the personality, whereas some people are extremely gay, and some are extremely straight and all in betweens are possible!

Answer 3

There are two factors at play:

Homophobia - being attracted to members of your own sex risks being labelled by straight guys as "one of them" (pointing at the gays). Straight guys fear that bisexual guys may make moves on them, or try to convert them into bisexuals. Bisexual guys are also wrongly accused of spreading STDs from men to women.

Biphobia - some homosexual guys fear bisexual guys because they see them as having a choice (which homosexuals don't have) of what gender to date. This makes homosexuals feel insecure thinking that the bisexual guys will "change colour" and hide in the heterosexual community when things get tough, or that they will ditch gay partners for straight ones. Also a bisexual can make latent homosexuals (who come out at a late age) feel insecure about their sexuality.

Answer 4

I think it's because a lot of people associate gay or bisexual men with anal sex, which can be a sensitive issue with gay people as well as straight people. Not all gay or bi males enjoy anal sex - but is is also "a guy thing" too. A lot of men have NO problem with the idea of two women having sex and a lot of straight men really enjoy watching "girl on girl" porn, but the idea of a man giving another man oral, or receiving anal totally disgusts them. All in all though, I think it's the "anal stigma" that keeps many bi men "closeted".

Answer 5

Among heterosexual men, the worst thing they can call one another is gay or any term meaning gay. It is much more difficult to be a gay man than it is to be a gay woman in society. Gay men are still seen by most heterosexual men as less of a man. We know that is silly, but it's true. Try this simple test: Show a photo of two women kissing to a group of heterosexual males. Most will yell and applaud. Now show a photo of two men kissing to the same group. What do you think would be the response? It sure won't be positive.

Answer 6

At some point in their lives most gay men have experienced problems accepting their attraction to other males. I can't see why bisexual males wouldn't have the same problem. The issue is to do with society's attitudes towards homosexual behaviour, portraying it as wrong/disgusting/perverted/(choose your own negative adjective).
You sound like a good friend and your bi/gay friends are lucky to have someone like you on their side.

Answer 7

You answered your own question, hon. There IS more of a stigma with gay (and even bi) men than there is with lesbians - particularly in the U.S. Even with a lot of the homophobes out there, lesbians are FAR more "accepted" than gay (or bi) men are. Pathetically hypocritical, but that's the way it is.

Answer 8

Homosexual men are seen as weak and feminine. That's death to a straight man. It's why most bisexual men either hide it or just go for women. Shame. : /

Answer 9

well I have never found it hard to admit I'm bisexual ...the part that really gets my back up are the fools who continue to call bisexuals GAY/LESBIAN we are NOT!! we are bisexuals so just maybe its because they are always labelled wrong makes them a little hesitant to admit they are bi

Answer 10

i think it has to do with both homophobia and biphobia
they r not being attacked by just one side
but every side
its pretty hard to be a bisexual male these days
but aint none of that gonna change me
the hell with everyone