Who should I tell that I am gay?

Question

I have been debating between two people right now and they are both really good friends. I only want to tell one of them though. I know they will keep it secret because I trust them and I don't want to come out until after high school (I'm a senior).
So here are their descriptions:

Carly - Volcom-brand wearing girl who is kinda punk but not really, has been my friend since kindergarten, knows some gay people. Thinks homosexuality is gross. ( I could change her view?)

Cierra - Really religious friend who I have been friends with since 5th grade. We have hung out a lot and have spent lots of time with each other. She is caring, understanding, and open to my feelings. (Could her religion interfere with our friendship?)


Ironically, they are both my exes. They are both really nice also.
(I will tell my parents some time, but not now)
Please no rude comments or anything, this is a genuine question and I would really appreciate good answers. Thanks.

Answer 1

Why not tell both.

If I were u, I will tell none.

Answer 2

Of those two, I'd say Cierra, but it really depends on what her religious nature is. Often times it's the really religious girls that are more open.

The reason I say not Carly is because if she's vocal about homesexuality being gross, then that's a strong opinion you have to overcome.

Cierra has empathy though. She may not agree with it but she may understand you more deeply.

Regardless, you can give them clues beforehand to gage their reaction.

Keep in mind these girls are in high school. They're sheltered from the world and it's more black and white. They still have a lot to grow and that growth will also have them become more open minded.

Answer 3

i woulld say carly. she is more likely to understand since sierra is very religous, and religous people dont change there views about homosexuality very much. Plus, carly seems like since you guys have been friends longer than cierra, that she would be more open to it. i think, that not many people want to lose a friend, just if they find out they are gay.

oh, and its good choices you chose, because girls seem to be more open to being friends with gay guys. because guys feel uncomfortable, and think that you will hit on them.

good luck telling carly (or cierra, whoever you choose) that you are gay.

Answer 4

Why do you think you must tell someone right now? Just remember, when you tell someone a secret, that makes it more enticing for that person to pass the secret on with the admonition "don't tell a soul". Females are far worse about this than males.

My advice is that whomever you decide to disclose this info to, you wait until you have finished up high school.

Answer 5

Coming out is something you really want to have complete control over. Don't tell anyone until you are ready for everyone to know. A juicy piece of gossip like that will spread round the school like wildfire with everyone just telling one other and swearing them to secrecy.

I would keep quiet about it until you are ready - then tell your parents. They would much prefer to hear it from you than from the parents of your schoolfriends. If you have brothers or sisters, tell them first and get their support for when you tell your parents. It is seldom as bad as you think it might be and is usually a great experience.

There is no harm in waiting anyway. Why tell anyone right now unless it is imperative to do so? When you are ready, tell your family first.

Answer 6

If you are starting to feel ready to share this, based on the info you've provided, I'd go with telling Cierra. Her religion may interfere but because you are saying that she is understanding she might not even bring her beliefs into it. She may just accept you for you.
Tell who you feel most comfortable telling, and keep in mind that you'll want to share it with someone you can trust 100% just to avoid any leaks to your parents (until you've told them yourself).
Best of luck!!!

Answer 7

I would pick Cierra since you have known her for a longer time. She probably won't care because the way you describe her, she wouldn't care. More and more people are accepting of the gay community, some of which very religious.

Answer 8

Try Cierra. If she truly is religious and has love and acceptance of God in her heart, she will continue to care for you and about you. Good luck. And congratulations on finding out your true self so early in your life! I am 26 and was out as Bi-sexual for a few years (even though I was never with a man), just because I thought it would be easier to gradually come out as a lesbian, and I have just begun to come out as a lesbian.

Answer 9

I don't see the need to tell either at this time. What would be the point?

I would wait until after you graduate before you tell anyone, just to make sure it doesn't come out. High school kids can be pretty cruel.

Answer 10

gosh it's a dilemma--I guess tell the religious friend-she seems like maybe she won't tell.I guess the other girl would probably say something to someone just because she is so disgusted by it.That doesn't mean I think she will always be that way-just right now she may tell out of sheer uncomfortableness.

Answer 11

I would tell them both. I mean, they'll know eventually right? Plus, I doubt either of them would like to find out that they were not the first to know if they are both your best friends. If they are your true friend, they'll accept it and be happy you've found your true self.