What's the best way to move on after a divorce?

Question

Okay, let's be honest... I have had a worse case scenarion for a divorce. My wife left me for a married man so she can be his mistress. What's the best way to move on after this awful situation. I want my life and pride back.

Answer 1

Ok take out your note pad because here it comes.

Move on. Dont call and dont take her calls. Make any correspondence with her be via email. Period. No exceptions.

Realize that you arent going to get her back and honestly, wouldnt want her anyway. Realize shes used goods. I know that sounds harsh but the fact is that until you kill every single bit of pride you have towards her, you will leave the door open even that little bit of taking her back. That is a big no no.

Realize that she was the one that screwed up. DO NOT allow yourself to sit around at night and wonder if you would have done this or done that if it would have worked. People that cheat are one of the lowest forms of scum. They have no pride and no character. She has shown that she has zero regard for you and your well being. Remember this, frame it in your mind, and go back to it every single time she creeps in your mind. Shes poison. Poison, poison, poison. After telling yourself that long enough, you will believe it.

She WILL come back. She will get tired of being the married guys pincushion and realize that hes not going to leave his wife. Shes going to come back with her hat in her hand asking for forgiveness. Know that it will come one day and prepare for it. You have to be willing and strong enough to say no. There is no doubt here friend, she WILL come back. The question is if you can fortify enough to resist her.

Im not saying go jump into a relationship right now but the worst thing I did after my divorce was to shell up and do nothing but work, go to the gym and sleep. It is imperiative that you get out and do things. I really, really suggest joining a gym. If you were anything like me, you probably let yourself go a bit during your marriage and the fact that she flat out dumped you probably has your self esteem in the gutter. Going to a gym so that you can drop the pounds and get looking better is a major help. I mean major.

Once you start looking better you start feeling better. And once you start feeling better, your confidence shows. The number one attraction for women over the age of 21 is confidence.

Go out with women as a means to do something not find Mrs. Right. Interacting with females will make you more comfortable dealing with them on a social level. This will only make you more confident which will make you more attractive to them.

Once you drop that belly, go buy yourself a new outfit. Nothing makes you feel better than looking good in a new outfit. New shoes, new pants, new shirt. Repeat every payday. Throw out the clothes that the ex wife got you as soon as possible.

Eventually it will all come back but it takes time and its not easy. But just remember after every storm, there is always a rainbow my friend.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Life is full of misery. Its not always that you want happens. Sometime worst scenario do happens like in your case.
First of all you must ask yourself a question why this thing happen. There are lots of reason a divorse happens. First is Love and affection towards your lover.
Most of the cases which came across is sexual fulfilment. We as guys thinks after we are satified, its ends over there. But its not. Even girls do have feelings as well. They also wants to be fully satisfied as we want. This brings a gap in relationship. Secondly is the time you spean with each other. This also plays a major roles in life. Spending more time at work and withfriends are another cause of divorse.
The reason I am telling you thins is that your life doesnt end with a divorse but will start again, not straight away but later in few months or a year. There are many girls who will come into your life but first we must know where you went wrong in first marriage.
I am sure thatif you are able to solve this question, you will not be going through this again.
Now to move on, ther are many things that you can do. In Indian Holy book Geeta , it say": what has happen, happened. whats is going to happen will be happening for good and what happens in future will make it even better. So stop crying like a child and and be a gentleman and think thatits natural and you can find someone more better than her.
But dont get involve in wrongs things such as drugs, drinks and gangsters.
This will make it worst and your life miserable.

Answer 3

I'm definitely out of my area, and don't want an expertice here, but about 80% of the advice here sux. Read the other 20% and try doing what they say. Also, as with any big life change like this, do a constructive post-mortem of the relationship. Don't beat yourself up in the process, as you do even here...but also don't forget to get whatever lessons about yourself that you can. In some capacity, there was an opportunity for this not to have happened at some point behind you now. Try to identify where you could have listened a little bit better to her, and do your best to understand what your part in how things got so out of whack was.

Use the excercise, pain, and vaccume you are in now to better yourself (no for the next mate, but honestly for yourself at first). There is no way you are prepared for the next relationship to have any meaning before you've sorted through this and stopped blaming yourself, or even her for how things turned out here.

When you can get through this stuff and still honestly say its for the better, and that you are better off with it behind you, then consider following the easy road advice.

Answer 4

My ex left me for a woman and the woman even came to our divorce hearing pregnant with his child. My best piece of advice is you have to realize how much better off you are now. You have to KNOW that if she wants to live her life that way, then she's not the one for you. Once you realize that she's the one who lost a good thing and not you, then you'll feel a lot better about the situation. It helped me a lot because at first I wanted to blame myself, but then was told, hey he's the one who screwed up and you don't need that. And it was true. Going out and sleeping around won't help the way you feel right now. Only time can heal what's going on inside you. Things will get better, you just have to be patient, it's not going to be a quick fix. I wish you the best of luck, and just know, you're so much better off now.

Answer 5

If you have kids focus all of your time into them. If you don't then focus on doing things that you thought about doing while being married and felt that you couldn't. Also spend time with friends that are single and try to focus on yourself and know that it wasn't you that made the marriage go wrong. She seek-ed out a married man so there for she is the one with a problem. At least you can get away with a clean conscience she is the one who did the wrong and has to go to bed knowing that she is going after something she will never have. Sorry you had to go through that, Good luck!

Answer 6

Nothing is ever that simple. It takes time to heal. But, here's what I recommend. Get on line to aol.com, eharmony, or msn.com and just look at some ads. When you see one that looks interesting, send a response (some kind of compliment about the ad). If your response ends up with a response back, then great. If not, no big deal. I would try to mingle somehow, even if you don't completely feel like it. The more women you chat with, the better. Good luck.

Answer 7

Life After Love
A self-healing process...
by Jennifer Good!

So, you've found out that Mr. or Miss Right isn't the soul mate you've always dreamed about. Now what? The period of loss and pain doesn't have to extend on to an eternity of what ifs. After spending a few days wallowing in self-pity, you'll probably want to start making a few steps towards life after love. To help ease this transition, try a few of the following ideas.

Keep a daily journal.
Letting loose on your emotions is a quick and self-healing way to recover from incidents of loss and pain. This is especially true of keeping a journal. Make a commitment to write for at least a few minutes every day.

Learn at least one new thing a day.
Keep your mind busy with new information. Whether you decide to learn a new word or how to do something new on your computer, it will help you keep moving forward instead of looking back.

Take a daily walk.
Get yourself out and about with a 20 to 30 minute walk. Just the constant, repetitive motion of moving your legs one after another is enough to help you put things in perspective.

Go out with yourself.
Just because you are not attached to someone doesn't mean you can't enjoy going out. Think of it as a chance to go to all the places you've always wanted to go.

Develop a hobby.
Maybe there is something you've always wanted to learn how to do. Now is the perfect opportunity to develop it! Try anything from bicycling, joining a walking club, sewing, bodyboarding or surfing, learning how to watercolor, or cooking.

Answer 8

Only you can get that back.Time will help you get that back.Day by day is all you can do.You wil have good days and bad days.Nobody has the answer on how long it will take.Every time you hurt or cry or feel piss off is a day closer to moving on with your life and putting this behind you.You will never forget this time.Times like this mold you into the man your going to be later.I wish you well.

Answer 9

Hmmm...

Personally, I'd shoot for one more breakup sex with the ex. Real heavy stuff...give it to her good.

Then, if you can manage it, hook up with the other dude's wife. If nothing else, you at least spill the beans and wreck his marriage too. But his wife may want to "get even" with him.

After that, let it all go. Move on...the only way you let it affect your pride is if you let it. Remember, she's the dirtbag that didn't stick to her vows. You did. You'll always be able to say to future girlfriends "well, apparently my ex wife didn't take our vows as seriously as I did. Yeah, it hurt a little but you live and learn. But enough about my past, let's talk about the present." Then you show that you were capable of being in a relationship, have emotion, work through issues and move on to better things.

But I hope the first two things work out too...hehe.

Answer 10

Keep busy. Pursue your own dreams and hobbies. Go on a nice vacation to Europe, Canada, or Alaska.

Sign up for a class in something that interests you
Spruce up your house
Visit your friends and relatives
Take your kids to Disneyland or camping in nice weather
Go to church.
Volunteer at a homeless soup kitchen
Exercise

I think in your case she will come crawling back when he's done with her.

Joy to you...