I have been best friends with this woman for about 5 years. She has been married for two years, and has been carrying on an affair with another man that her husband works with for almost a year. (it will be a year next month) I have never told my friend's husband anything because he and I are not that close and I've always felt it wasn't really my place. But my friend recently told me that she and this man have been putting money aside so they can both file for divorce and get a place together. Part of me still feels like it isn't my place but then another part of me feels like my friend's husband and this man's wife don't deserve to be blindsided like this. My friend's husband has a six year old daughter from a previous relationship. They have no children together. The other man's wife has a seven year old son from a previous relationship and they have a 1 year old son together. I really don't know if I should keep my mouth shut or not. What do I do in this situation?
2007-11-13 09:23:05 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We had a woman at work here with the same situation as that husband. Someone said the same thing - "Should we tell?" and the best answer was "What makes you think she doesn't know?".
Some people like to put on a brave face. Perhaps the guy really is clueless. Maybe he's hoping it will "blow over". Maybe he's making his own plans.
Your best bet in this situation is to keep quiet. If you tattle, the real question in everyone's mind is "why?". All you do is annoy your "friend"; the husband may not be greatful. Who likes to be told they're stupid or missing the obvious? Or that what they thought was hidden, everyone knows about. Or what he didn't want to admit...
OTOH, if he comes out and asks you, you can tell the truth. If he asks, he already knows, just wants confirmation.
Not sure the kids have much to do with it. If the marriage(s) fall apart, then they're broken. I doubt "staying together because of the kids" is a good excuse to put off any divorce. the less deception and lying, the sooner everything gets solved and everyone moves on.
2007-11-13 09:38:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i was the last one to find out my ex was cheating for 6 month's and got the girl pregnant, the whole time my bestfriend knew it. i lost everything in a matter of 6 months. if i were you i would look at what both side have got to lose, if you will be blaimed for not telling, or telling. i say tell. cause this man needs to find out, however if is abusive in anyway do not tell him. if you don't feel comfortable, about it then stop listening to your friend problems. either your there for her or not. i found out the hard way, that my bestfriend not only knew but had been sleeping with my first ex too. now that was a long time ago. there are kids to consider to.
2007-11-13 09:37:48 · answer #2 · answered by Valentine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am torn on what you should do. I know for me if my friend told me she was having an affair, I would be telling her I could not be her friend any more because we don't share the same morals. And because I would not want to be in the predicament you are in. Why didn't you tell a long time ago? And so why do you want to tell now? I would say don't say anything because they will find out soon enough.
2007-11-13 13:52:28 · answer #3 · answered by Dance 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your mouth shut (and I'd advise to go find better "friends").
They'll find out soon enough - why, why, why do YOU want to drop yourself in the middle of such drama by being the mailman of the bad news ?!?!?
No good can come out of this sad situation - be glad it isn't you and stay the hell away from it !!!!
2007-11-13 09:28:11 · answer #4 · answered by aa889d 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it has been going on that long (and you knew about it all along) now is not the time to blow the whistle. Stay out of it - there will be time for marriage counseling and second thoughts after they get blind sided. they may break up and neither of them tell their spouse about it. Nothing will be gained by exposing them now.
2007-11-13 09:33:33 · answer #5 · answered by sweetpicker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would tell the husband in an anoymous letter. you could lose a friend but really, is this the type of person you want to be friends with? what she is doing is beyond wrong and you are right in thinking that it isn't fair to the other faithful spouses.
2007-11-13 09:29:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep your mouth closed. It sounds like the news will come out soon enough anyway. On top of that, you are her best friend. Your loyalty lies with her. I know my best friend would take a secret like that right to the grave....I would do the same for her.
2007-11-13 09:33:27 · answer #7 · answered by Tiffany L 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't go to your friend's husband. That will only make the situation worse. However, DO tell your friend that she is being very unfair to her husband and that she owes it to him not to treat him this way. She shouldn't be cheating on him, and as you say, she should not blindside him in the way she is planning. She's acting very badly. I must say, if it were me, I would not want to be friends with someone who acted like this!
2007-11-13 09:30:52 · answer #8 · answered by Susan 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Stay out of it. He may not be as blindsided as you think. Plus it really isnt your place to interfere.
2007-11-13 09:28:31 · answer #9 · answered by The Dame 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were being cheated, I would want to know.... I wouldn't care who it came from, I would want to know. I would find out where they are meeting next and set them up to get caught. He might not believe you because he does not know you, but if you can get him to see firsthand, you won't be in much trouble. Can you trust this person as a "friend" anyhow? She is cheating someone she claims to love - you have nothing to lose.
2007-11-13 09:31:22 · answer #10 · answered by Betty 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋