would you let marijuana come between your marriage?

Question

ok, please no pot jokes because this is very serious to me. I have been married for 9 yrs. and have 4 children w/ my husband. He was a habitual marijuana smokers since we met (and i did not know, i was 18 and dumb). He quit about 2 years ago for good. But now, he is doing it again. I have seen what a difference it makes in his personality. He is mean, jealous, vicious temper, unmotiviated and selfish when he does this. I do not want my kids around this as they get older, or even now. I have never smoked, drank, or did any drugs, so we are like night and day. He constantly lies about doing it, but all the signs are there, both in him, and actual concrete evidence. I feel like he is destroying our marriage and he thinks its a big joke. Am i blowing this out of porportion? I do not wantto be married to a pot head! i don't agree with this and i thin it is gross, as well as illegal.

I just wanted to add, you answer some of the questions some of you had...he has beening doing it since he was about 18....he's 36 now (i'm 28). His WHOLE one side of his family are pot heads. he runs his own business with his cousin who does it as well. He is so mean in the morning, blowing up at me for anything, then about an hour after he leaves for work, he calls very apologetic (because I know he smoked and is calm now). the weekends he is a bear because he can't smoke. At his worst (the first 5+ yrs. of our marriage) he would smoke about $100 worth per week. It is truly disgusting!

hj, i said both evidence, concrete included. this was actual marijuana in his truck. i have found blunt wrappers, marijuana remnants, red eye drops, breath mint and gum like he is opening up a store, ozium spray along with many other air freshners, recepts for blunt wrappers.....should i continue?

Answer 1

Drug use is a legitimate reason for divorce, because people can become addicted and it affects everything they do. You have the right to ask him to stop, and the right to seek separation if he refuses. If he prefers drugs to your love, that says a great deal about his level of addiction.

Answer 2

Saying that you've "never smoked, drank, or did any drugs" reveals a lot about you. This kind of zero tolerance is indicative that YOU have some problems too! It's a very unusual person who reaches age 28 without having experimented at least a few times with the LEGAL drugs of tobacco and alcohol.

Having a couple beers after work doesn't make a person a drunk. Even getting drunk doesn't make a person a drunk as long as it's only a few times a year. A drunk is a person who drinks so much so often that he/she can't function, and the same applies to the term "pothead." I'd be mean and selfish too if the person who is supposed to honor and cherish me was constantly calling me a drunk over enjoying a cocktail or two, making my life a living hell of hiding the gin, sneaking my drink, and covering it up with breath mints.

Maybe if you lighten up, loosen up a little he could stop being so angry and defensive. Learn to accept modereate, responsible use (you know, like so many of your friends and neighbors who use alcohol responsibly and in moderation?) and it might help a lot. If you're going to make major issue out of smoking ONE joint, then what does he have to lose by smoking TEN? If you'd accept that he and his family enjoy having a smoke at work, then he'd have no reason to lie about it.

If your husband is going to work every day, doing his chores around the house, loves his kids, doesn't gamble away the grocery money, doesn't beat you -- honey, there's millions of women out there who would LOVE to have a have a man like that, reefer breath and all.

Answer 3

Personally, I disagree with some of your "evidence." Having been in both a long term relationship as well as many friendships with individuals who smoke marijuana, I don't necessarily find the drug to cause jealousy, anger, or violence in people. Lack of motivation, though, you're right there. Marijuana is a depressant, and a good one at that. It definitely causes changes in a person's behavior, or lack thereof, and their attitude.

If you think you can change him, I'd think again. Most people have very strong beliefs as to whether drug use is the life for them, and if its his understanding that he's better with pot in his life, he's going to keep on the same road.

However, I don't second guess how important this is to you. Being a "good girl," or so it sounds, the consequences of staying with a man with such behavioral issues are serious. Perhaps you two could consider marriage counseling, a stable environment in which you could discuss your opposing viewpoints on the drug. But it doesn't sound to me like a situation where compromise is an option. Unless he wants to change, I recommend getting out of this situation immediately.

Best wishes and good luck!

Answer 4

well as far as legalities your right. gross is your op-ion, i have long ago for some medical issues and it worked . now,for a habit , i don't understand it makes me sleep and hungry.we teach our children to say no! and children practice what tey see and if seeing dad smoke a joint yea i'd be pissed now if dad did this wihout the knowledge of the children I"ll give him a point and now you and the marriage . how can you say is wrong for himand it's gross and your saying this not from experience because you have never tried it. I"m not suggesting you go blow one with him . but the seriousness of your marriage is at stake and being a woman you are more opt than he ,correct? fin a happy medium between you two eg. he only smokes on the weekends or after thekids are in bed but away from the home so as to not jeapordize the safety of the children do you get where i'm going with this? i hope i helped a lil bit even though he has an addiction if he will jeapordize his family for it get him help.

Answer 5

I have actually been in somewhat the same position that you are in. I have actually smashed a bong with a hammer and left with a baby to stay in a hotel.
If you have explained to him how it changes his personality and is offensive to you and you don't want your children around that kind of thing, and he still won't stop...he has his priorities messed up.
It is actually up to him whether he will make the change or not. A lot of people smoke pot...but if it is jeopardizing his wife and kids' relationship and he still chooses to do it, he is the one at fault. Everyone sees things differently, and he may never agree with you.
I don't know your financial situation, or how much you love the man, etc... But if you feel this way now and things don't change, it will only get worse.
Your kids come first, and you need to do what you need to do to make sure that they are where they should be.
I know there is much more to the situation, but you do what is right for you and your kids. It's a tough situation, and I wish you the best.

Answer 6

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
would you let marijuana come between your marriage?
ok, please no pot jokes because this is very serious to me. I have been married for 9 yrs. and have 4 children w/ my husband. He was a habitual marijuana smokers since we met (and i did not know, i was 18 and dumb). He quit about 2 years ago for good. But now, he is doing it again. I have seen...

Answer 7

You are not blowing it out of porportion. If you feel it is the best thing to do than leave. I honestly think that because you are staying with him not only is he being a bad example but so are you. You are letting him walk all over you. You need to show your children what to do in that type of situation. If thier bf was a marijuana smoker would you want your child to stay with him especially when they are violent? I think not. Do what is right for both you and your children, leave him. If he truely cares then he'll stop and maybe you can work it out.

Answer 8

with the greatest respect i have seen my beautiful vital wife reduced to a shell of her former self with smoking weed every day for the last 2 years. on our precious weekends together she lights up 11.30am with the announcement that this will help her relax and keeps going all day. her eyes are red, she withdraws and watches television all day without speaking or engaging in our relationship. we both have serious jobs and at the start of our relationship it started softly which didn't seem to hinder any professional or personal problem. i didn't think it was a big deal but then it led to her smoking cigarettes and when that happened everything else came with it, booze, blah blah blah. it is seemed ok because it was the "least:" of the intake. so the little spliff to calm her down had turned into a life changing habit. it has completely changed our relationship and has damaged her responsibility to our marriage, her health and her job. the scary thing is she does not associate this with being a problem. i have never seen anyone so dependent, its gone from one every now and then to being indispensable, she needs it in her life and its killing me. i detest it and yet my opinion is considered alarmist and over the top. i get accused of being controlling and weird! if anyone out there thinks that weed is not damaging, addictive or harmful then they are not capable of seeing the damaging and insidious quality this very powerful drug has on people and the pain and hurt it causes to those that lose someone to it. its a sneaky and very powerful substance that wrecks peoples lives and needs to be treated with equal care and importance as other harder drugs which it leads to. alcohol is probably the worst, it s cheap, legal and lubricates the desire for other things. make no mistake however , weed is evil, its not cool, it turns you into a ******** and promotes every negative paranoia you have about yourself and those around you, awful awful awful, i HATE it

Answer 9

You are definitely not blowing it out of proportion.
I was suprised to see this posted, because I am in a relationship now (which is about to become an engagement) with a guy who smokes weed. It bothers me, but I haven't really thought about how it would affect a marriage. I don't mind if he does it himself, but I don't want any trouble from it... and my kids will NOT do drugs.
If at all possible, I would suggest really speaking heart 2 heart with him about it, or try some sort of counseling? I look forward to reading the best answer for your question, though. Saved me the time to post this question. Good Luck. and stay strong in your values/views.

Answer 10

i think you should consider what your husband is going through. all he wants to do is smoke pot and it's now a huge deal that's coming between you both. i know that you won't like me saying this, but it's just weed. it's the best possible option for him to choose when in comparison to other mind-altering substances, other than refraining, of course. but hey, everybody's got something...or, generally, most people do...maybe not you. but most have got a way to escape and relax, whether it's drinking, smoking pot, smoking a cigarette, having sex, or whatever. if he wants to smoke pot then let him feel free to do so, and that way maybe things will settle down. he is a grown man and weed is a silly thing to get so stressed out about. marijuana isn't as scary/dangerous/intense as you may think.

Answer 11

It's not marijuana that's coming between you.....it's that your husband isn't respecting you and your family that's coming between your marriage.

I would give him an ultimatum.....our marriage or drugs.

Then you have to be prepared to move on if he picks drugs. What kind of example is this setting for your children.