Is it bad to let daughters think they "must be" SAHMs?

Question

This is in response to an earlier question. As a feminist I advocate choices for my daughters. What is your opinion?

Answer 1

Sure, I advocate choice for everyone, but being a SAHM isn't a realistic option for most. "Sure, you don't have to work! Only you do." I don't get it.

I know two people whose life's ambition is to be SAHMs, and neither have any education past high school, one is 25 and doesn't have a job & is living in her parents' basement, and the other is 23, works part-time as a bartender, and lives with her boyfriend who is increasingly getting sick of her mooching (the bf is my bf's friend and former roommate so I know this for a fact).

So what is this "we should encourage mothering/wifely servitude as a viable choice" thing when it's a completely unrealistic choice for, what, 80% of the population?

Answer 2

Does anyone actually do that in the Western world? I mean, are there really still families telling daughters that they'd better not have a career, if they want to be happy? I haven't met any. Personally, I'm a great advocate of knowing yourself.

A girl should take some time out in the world before she marries; (IF she marries) hold a job, have her own small apartment, and run her own household. I will, however, warn my daughters against planning to use both incomes to pay basic bills, like the house payment. That locks her into not being able to be a SAHM for a time, if she decides on that.

It IS a realistic option for many middle-class girls in the US, if they plan carefully with a husband to be the at-home parent. Certain life choices will be excluded - living in Manhattan, for example, but she can decide to pursue any arrangement that works for her family. I wouldn't be disappointed either way for my daughter - I'd only be upset if she was pining for the other choice and saw no way to do it.

Answer 3

I think it is bad to tell your child that they "must be" anything! IMO, I think it is the job of all parents to let their children know that life is full of choices. One of those choices is to be a stay at home mom, but, they need to be prepared for the life they will lead after the children are out of the home.

They have to realize that they have to be prepared to make any changes that may come up. It is very hard in this day and age to be a stay at home mom. If it is something that your daughter wants to be, and her husband has a career that can provide for the family...she should still keep in mind that times change, people change, and she has to be ready to deal with the consequences.

You are right to advocate choices, it is the key to survival. When one door closes, another opens up.

Answer 4

I'm having a problem with the idea of it being bad to "let" children think one way or another. Isn't it a choice when the one thinking is the one making the choice? If you don't allow them the right to "think" however they choose, they are not allowed to make a choice which is the same as being forced to agree with you. That is not a choice but a mandate.

All children should be allowed to choose what they want to be, how they want to live and in whatever arrangement they choose that is in line with their *abilities*. Parents should coach them but it is not necessarily bad to allow children to think differently than their parent(s).

As an anti-feminist, I advocate choice for my sons as well as for your daughters and that seems to be the major difference between our political stances.

Answer 5

I'm okay with letting people live their own lives.... but as for my OPINION on the matter:

The only thing I would absolutely insist my daughter do is be educated to the extent that she will NEVER be unable to support herself. Pick a career, get an education, and get a job. If after she is married and decides to start a family, the two of them can decide what is best for their family's situation.

Sadly, the biggest threat to a woman's life is right under her own roof. Statistically speaking, more women are attacked and/or murdered by their partners than anyone else. This is more likely to happen to women who feel "trapped" due to financial reasons such as being unable to support herself. Take away the threat of violence, and there are still good reasons a woman should be able to support herself. What if she is stuck in an unhappy marriage...or the husband is cheating on her? Or what if something happens to HIS health and he cannot work and she needs to support the family? I believe either parent should be capable of such a thing because they are your responsibility. What if he dies and you suddenly MUST support yourself and your children?

An education is never, never, never a bad thing.

Personally, I believe that one parent should stay home with the children. This can be done by working different shifts, or by working non-traditional workdays, so that the children's time at day car is minimal. Some couples are lucky in that they have family who are willing to watch the children all or at least part of the time. Some earn enough that they can afford a nanny.

For me....I just cannot see having children that I would drop off for someone else to raise. I would rather temporarily do without some luxuries and have a bigger hand in my own children's development. That said, I realize not everyone can afford not to work. And it's not a matter of luxuries, it a matter of putting food on the table and keeping a roof over their heads. And for that reason, I will not judge others for their decisions.

To directly answer your question, I think it is bad to make our daughters feel imprisioned by our dreams rather than living their own.

Answer 6

A friend of mine once wanted to be a successful career woman, she got married to a rich guy and she is now a SAHM.

So, it would depend very much on whether you can find a guy with enough resources to support the arragement.

Answer 7

What is important (I believe) is to impart upon our daughters that someone (mommy or daddy) should stay home with the kids....to deliberately have babies knowing full well they will *have* to spend all day with strangers is a poor, poor choice. Daycare is not a GREAT thing. Our children are worth the sacrifice to give up an income, cut back on expenses and stay at home and raise them....if they aren't worth our time and energy and money, then what in this world is?

I think either way, a mommy or daddy should be home taking care of the children.....in my marriage it was more reasonable from a financial angle for me to stay home.

Answer 8

It's wrong to try to force any life decisions on one's child. That includes forcing them to become a doctor against their will, or a SAHM.

When the child is all grown up, they need to figure out for themselves what makes them happy, what they want to do with their lives.

Raising girls to think they HAVE TO BE SAHMs is crippling them. If they happen to marry an abusive husband, they'll think they have to stay until he murders her.

Or if their husband dies or leaves, they won't be ready to take care of themselves.

If they expect to have to fend for themselves, then they can make the decision (if it's economically feasible) to be a SAHM. If they expect to only be a SAHM, they'll be forced into bad decisions, and trapped in the results.

Answer 9

I think it is not a good choice.They should be raised knowing that they have the option of being ,what and who they want to be. To be educated to their fullest potential to be prepared to make their own way in this world. That she can stand on her own and needs no one to take care of her.
When the times comes, for her to make a decision that if she chooses to be a SAHM, then it is her and her husbands choice and not the only option open for her.
Good luck !

Answer 10

Well its bad to let them think they must be. Its good for them to know they can do whatever they want in life whether it be a stay at home mom or a career. Just be a good mom and dont make them feel as though one is better than the other. Let them grow up and pick which ever one works for them. :)