My husband did not come home. Am I over reacting?

Question

My husband worked till 11. At nine he called and told me he was going out with a couple of coworkers. I went to bed at about 12:20 because I was watching a movie. Then I woke up at about 2:30 and he still was not home then, I slept for another hour and my little boy wake up, asking where daddy was. I told him just to go back to sleep. I waited up for him and he still did not get home or call. I got really worried and cried alot. I got the boys ready for school and tried not to cry in front of them but I think they still knew something was wrong. My husband still did not call. Any way he ended up calling around 7:55 in the morning. When he got home, he explained to me that he and his friends got drunk, then he took his friend home and his wife did not want him there because she found out he was cheating. So my husband did not know where to take his friend so he rented a hotel room and feel to sleep. With our money.

All I wanted him to do was call. I was very worried and it is not the first time he has done that to me. I just wish he would think about what I am going through waiting for him wondering if something bad has happen. I don't know what to do. I told him I did not want to go through this again and that I was going to leave. I want to get the boys and leave. Is this something I should be make a big deal about and leave. Am I over reacting?

We have been married for 7 years now and I am 28.

Answer 1

It is a big deal. It sounds like he conveniently gave you an excuse that would explain the hotel bill. (Gee, I wonder if he rented a room with a king size bed or two doubles. You might want to check.) If he is having an affair, stick around long enough to gather evidence. (His friend's wife might could help you with that!) Your attorney will appreciate the documentation.

If his story is true, you have several problems. Your husband and father of your children is out drinking, and with a cheating friend, no less. Just how far away was this bar or the friend's house? They weren't too drunk to drive to a hotel, but they couldn't drive home?

Your husband isn't being a good husband or father. He's going to continue this behavior as long as you allow it, but you'd better be prepared to back up your own threats. First, stop crying and then give him just enough rope to hang himself.

ADDITIONAL INFO:
My husband suggests that you get a copy of the hotel receipt and check the time stamp on it. It seems your husband knew early in his work day that he'd be out late because he called you at some point after that to let you know. Just how soon after work did he book that hotel room? That could provide you with a helpful clue.

The time for threatening to leave has passed. Any threats of that nature that you make from now on will be perceived as empty ones. Clearly, they aren't changing his behavior. Just do what you need to do and let him be shocked and surprised. Your actions will speak louder than your words.

Answer 2

And his friend couldn't sleep on your couch for the night why? Good story for your husband to have - especially once the charge to the hotel room appears.... something is so not right here, I understand why you would want to leave, but I'm not sure what to tell you seeing as you don't have any concrete proof. Go with your gut and follow your heart - you know best...... daddy is an alcoholic anyhow. Coworkers mean nothing - I had a meeting out of town with 8 other coworkers (all but me were married with kids at home)... and several of them were fooling around with each other, two even spent the night together.

Answer 3

Here is what I would do. Look up the friend's name in the phone book and find his address. Stop by his house and ask the wife if this little story is true. (The friend will cover for your husband, so don't even bother asking him. Asking the wife in person will make it really hard for her to lie to your face during a surprise visit.) You'll find out the truth through her one way or another.

There is NO reason why your husband couldn't call you. NONE. And he had to put his dog-house-friend up in a hotel with your money? YEAH RIGHT! Oh, and if the wife says, "Yeah, I kicked him out last night," then I would hand her a copy of the hotel bill and ask for half.

If you're still not sure what happened, take a picture of your husband to the hotel and ask the desk manager if he remembers your husband coming in with a GUY or a GIRL? Hope that helps. Ugh, men! Good luck, honey.

Answer 4

Honey, get out while you are still young. A lot of things can happen while he is out drinking with "buddies" and they are drunk too. The most perfect excuses come behind, "well I was drunk..." AND are all these so called buddies male? If YOU think that he is cheating, then he probably is. If you do not get out now, you will find yourself ten or twelve years down the road going through the SAME things OVER and OVER again. I am on year twelve and am officially calling it quits this week. There has to come a time when you realize that enough is enough.

Answer 5

Come On Sugar, Wake up and smell the dirty drawers. It's a known fact that Doggs run in packs. If his homeboys cheat, do u honestly thinks he's being the good guy giving them counseling about how to stay a devoted husband. Pulling them out of the sheets of different women beds. HE!! NO, Lady. Kick him out. Don't play the fool. That' what's wrong w/ females today. We play the fool. What father and husband after a long day of work gets so drunk that he forgets that he has a family to go home to. Ain't no way, lady. Better put your foot down.

Answer 6

Tell him how you feel. Let him know you feel disrespected. Ask him how would you feel if you did the same thing. If he said he wouldn't care, call his bluff. Go out one night. Stay gone till the morning... even if you have nothing to do but sit in a hotel room by yourself.. Waltz home around 6 or 6:30. Tell him a comparable story. When he gets all upset (which he will ) give him this dumb look like "what???" Explain to him that you thought it would be ok. Tell him u forgot to call... Let him taste a dose of his own medicine.

Answer 7

No your not over reacting. Question though, if he was drunk, why was he driving?? When your married with children, you have a responsiblity to come home at a decent time, and to keep your spouse's feelings at hand. He should have called.
And if he wasnt drunk enough to drive then he wasnt drunk enough to stay at a hotel. I would do a little detective work and get to the bottom of it. I get the feeling that theres more going on then drinking. Call the friends wife, and check out her story. Call the motel and verify if he was there.

Answer 8

I would call the co-worker's wife and asked her what happened. It's possible he's having an affair or picked up a girl at the bar. He should have at least called. I think he thinks you not so smart if he thinks you believe this story. Two guys get a hotel room together and sleep it off?

Answer 9

He should at that age have figured out how to show a little bit of respect. If this has happened before then he will continue to do so. I can't say take the boys and leave, but I can say if you all plan on saving this marriage you damn well better do something about this behavior and fast. If your ok with him going out all night he should show you at least enough respect to call.

Answer 10

I don't think you are making a big deal out of this. If he did that once, I wouldn't be too concerned about it. But, if he is making a habit of it and knows it upsets you AND you have a child, then you all should have a serious talk. He needs to get his priorities straight. He isn't a bachelor anymore and leaving his wife and baby home all night while he is out drinking is very irresponsible. There isn't anything wrong with him going out with friends. Don't get me wrong. He just shouldn't be out all night knowing you are concerned and not calling. That is disrespectful. Talk to him about this. 7 years is a long time to be together. I wouldn't split over this until it continues to be a major problem. Good luck!