He has been unemployed for 2 months and is an alcoholic and the drinking is worse. His daughter is 18 and doesn't work either. They acted like they owned the house, which they didn't. He never hit me, but we never did things together. I know I did the right thing, just need some reinforcement, he was a good man and would have been better if he didn't drink. Before he left he was crying and told me he loved, but obviously not enough, because he wasn't giving me any money towards bills and was spending all of his on cigarettes and beer. Are there any good men left out there? I wasn't asking for too much was I?
2007-11-13 07:45:37 · 21 answers · asked by Theresa C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The daughter is 18 and goes to college from 9 am to 2 pm, so she can't (or won't) work.
2007-11-13 08:37:18 · update #1
Things would have been different if he 1) was actively looking for a job and 2) was not an alcoholic.
I can't imagine how difficult it would be to marry an alcoholic, it is evident he put the alcohol before anything else in his life. My spouse has a good friend like this - he is married to a beautiful woman but leaves her home alone ALL THE TIME because he is out blowing all of their money on getting drunk. It's terrible and my heart breaks everytime I see him (he is always drunk)..... I've told my spouse that if he ever chooses to live the same lifestyle I could not under any circumstances stick around. It's difficult to sit back and watch someone you love destroy their health, bodies, and blow all of your money. He needs to get some serious help and sober up or you will never be happy with him. I think you made an excellent decision.
By the way, I have dated guys who will not touch a sip of alcohol, others who know how to limit their intake, etc. They are out there and it makes a world of a difference!! Suddenly, you come first.
2007-11-13 07:56:45 · answer #1 · answered by Betty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him NO, you're not his personal bank! If he really wanted his own money he'd be trying a lot harder at finding work. Why isn't he receiving benefits to help with the upkeep of the house? F*ck his pride, your fingers are being worked to the home because he's lazy, or as he calls it, "embarrassed". Force him to try harder and tell him no every time he asks for money, or nothing will change! He's got a cushy lifestyle where you work and pay everything and he spends what money you have left, why would he want a job? He has everything he needs so you either deal with him and offer him an ultimatum, which is fine a job or move out, or continue being his door matt and piggy bank. Sorry, I'm 22 and my partner is 36, I'm long term sick with an undiagnosed illness and give him some of my sick pay every week to help with whatever he needs. It's not a lot of money I offer, but it shows that I'm trying to help. Why can't your partner get benefits and do that? Because he doesn't feel the need. You can honestly do so, so much better! If you lost your job would be provide for you? Sadly, I doubt it.
2016-04-03 23:11:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you weren't asking for too much, and if he was truly a "good man" as you state, you wouldn't have had to ask. He is an alcoholic on top of that. Why in the world would you feel as if you did something wrong by asking two grown "bums" to move out. You absolutely did the right thing. Next time, be a little more picky when choosing a mate. And don't move in together until you're married.
2007-11-13 08:15:46 · answer #3 · answered by Teresa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope, I don't think you were asking too much. For me personally, there's nothing more unattractive in a man, than one that doesn't have a job and drinks all the time. My step father was an alcoholic that wouldn't work as well. Unfortunately unless he seeks help for his drinking, things will not improve so I think you definitely made the right decision leaving him. It needs to be about him contributing like a man to the household under which he lives and eats instead of using you.
2007-11-13 08:07:15 · answer #4 · answered by Kylie M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are still plenty of good men out there and a lot of them drink beer. I see what you are saying though and he definitely should've been contributing some to the household. Why isn't the daughter out getting a job or going to school either?
2007-11-13 07:49:45 · answer #5 · answered by No one 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing! Why should you be responsible not only for him - but his lazy daughter. Don't be fooled by his tears - you do not deserve someone like this. I understand that people can be down on their luck sometimes but if he is taking his money and spending it on beer and cigarettes while you are supporting him and his daughter, something is wrong. Good luck to you - it is good that you stood up for yourself and not let yourself be taken advantage of any longer.
2007-11-13 10:24:03 · answer #6 · answered by Babycat 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
So you kicked an unemployed, alcoholic boyfriend and his daughter out of your house, and his defense for staying was that he never hit you and he loved you? Wow, what a guy!! How could you turn that down?
Judgement in favor of the plaintiff.
Next!
2007-11-13 07:54:58 · answer #7 · answered by Pythagoras 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You definitly did the right thing. I, too, felt there were no good men out there, but then I met my husband. Just worry about taking care of yourself (and kids?) for a while. If it's meant to be that you meet Mr. Wonderful...you will.
2007-11-13 07:55:03 · answer #8 · answered by Wendy B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why should you put up lazy bums like him drinking and his lazy daughter as well? Good for you. As for his daughter, SHE can work part time if she can... There's always night or weekend shift!!! Anyways, you should take a break for awhile from dating guys and then you can refresh yourself once more... There are good guys out there but finding them is a tough one.
2007-11-13 13:56:25 · answer #9 · answered by mitchchan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as a woman who was in the same situation for 5 yr's, i say congradulation on your independance. there is a good man out there, who you will find that will pay 50/50 you just have to wait. i gave up, when i wasn't looking well he was right in front of me for month's i had no clue. i hope, pray for the best for you. i've been happy for the past 14 month's but only in a relationship for the past 6months he pays all the bill's. i give him my money, he shows me reciept's, he even does the grocery shopping, all i have to do is pay 50/50 we split it down the middle. not to say that we aren't perfect but both have had bad experience's in the past with ex's not paying their own way. so move on your strong, brave, independant, most of all you repect yourself more in the l ong run. i did, i can say i love myself now, respect my own decision's trust in my decision's.
2007-11-13 08:01:00 · answer #10 · answered by Valentine 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋