is it bad to want to be pregnant when you're 14?

Question

I have a friend that wants to get pregnant and she is only 14-years old!! She is an innocent girl and doesn't drink or do drugs or even has a boyfriend. but for a while she's wanted a child to take care of for the rest of her life, she says.....

Answer 1

First of all, she is WAAAYYYYYY too young and truly doesn't know she wants. She is still a young girl herself and couldn't provide well for a baby. She is obviously missing something out of her life that makes her want this, maybe you could find out what that is and help her cope with that first, that may make her feel differently about wanting a baby. And too, she needs to be married!

Answer 2

It's actually a pretty common feeling at that age, but she has to educate herself on what it's really going to be like to have a baby at that age. I was 15 when I got pregnant, my best friend was 14 when she got pregnant and even though we were both in commited relationships and have turned out to be luckier than most couple who wait to have children it was still hard. There are times when I miss being able to go out with my friends and hang out with only a second's notice. Sometimes I missed doing things that normal teenagers did but it's different for everyone. If I could go back I wouldn't change a thing but your friend hasn't experienced much and the fact that she doesn't even have a boyfriend is going to make things much worse. I never would have survived with my sanity if I didn't have my husband by my side. You said she's an innocent girl, doesn't drink or do drugs...is this because she's made a serious choice never to do so or is it because she's never had the oppurtunity? Having a baby is a difficult thing at any age.

Answer 3

i always wanted kids. even when i was young like your friend. i don't think there is something wrong with her just for wanting to be pregnant.

don't get me wrong, i don't think it's a good idea! now that i'm 26 and pregnant for the first time i am very very very glad i waited.

telling her it's bad and there's something wrong with her and that she needs help is NOT going to be the way you or anyone helps your friend get through this.

even when i was older (early 20's) i always admired pregnant women, and really loved kids, etc. but when it comes to being the sole provider and caretaker it is completely different. she would be giving up her life. i know that sounds harsh, but i just really doubt your friend has any idea the sacrifices she'll have to make.

she has lived through important things that people need to live through in life. things change, really.

and another important thing to think about is this, who will actually be taking care of the baby?? your friend might when she get's home from school or on the weekends, but someone will have to watch the kid. her parents?

she isn't even old enough to have a full time job, how could she support a baby? formula, diapers, daycare, etc.

i'm not saying she's stupid, i am just trying to be helpful in pointing out things that don't come to mind when someone is in baby ga ga land.

have her babysit a baby... it's a LOT more work than you'd ever imagine.
if she really wants to take care of something, get a pet. see how that works out in the LONG RUN.

good luck

Answer 4

Is it bad? That's a judgement call. Practically speaking, however, most fourteen-year-olds are not equipped emotionally, financially, or in any other way, to care for a child. The desire to have a child often stems from a lack of loving attachments in the girl's life. At that age, there are more productive ways to get those needs met.

On the flip side, many cultures, including our own in the not-so-distant past, didn't think twice about young mothers, but that is usually when there's an extended family to help out.

Babies are a huge responsibility, and chances are she'd end up a young single mother, which would most likely (not inevitably) lead her into a life of poverty (I'm speaking statistically... no need for a debate here).

I hope your friend decides to wait until she's mature enough, able to support a child financially, and has built a support network for herself. There are no do-overs.

Answer 5

Try to follow this stream of consciousness thinking:

Does she (not her parents, not her friends) have the money to pay for the birth, and doctors visits, and food and a place to live on her own and clothes for herself and the child, and medicine when the child gets sick, and diapers and wipes and formula and bottles and toys and carseats? If something happens to the child or herself, can she drive the child to doctor's office (i.e. does she have a driver's license and a car)? To be a responsible parent, you must be able to do all of these things AND wake up every hour on the hour for at least five months straight, including weekends, nights, mornings, days, evenings.... Does she have the steady income to put away for disasters and education? And if she has the steady income, she's most likely got to have a job, because any boy or man who will get a 14 year old pregnant won't make much money, or ever really pay child support, because he will most likely be in prison because sex with a minor (yes, a 14 year old is a minor) is a federal offense - considered child molestation and rape, and a baby is concrete evidence of that crime. And if she has a job, she needs to be able to pay for child care, because you can't always depend on family or friends for babysitters. And if the child is in daycare, it will be sick more often, which means more doctors visits, medication, and time off from the job, and your boss won't be forgiving, and you'll most likely be fired from at least one job because of this. And if you don't have a job, you don't have money, and your family and friends many times may not be as forgiving as they say they will be, which leads to living in shelters and the streets, which leads to Child Protective Services taking your child away, and then you're left with no child, no family, few friends, no home, no job and no education... all because you thought it'd be "fun" to have a child.

Real life is not easy. It's hard. Don't make it prove it.

Answer 6

I don't look at situations as "good" or "bad", but in this case, its really a bad idea for a 14 year old to want a child to take care of the rest of her life! It sounds like she is feeling unloved and neglected and believes that she can get what she needs from a baby. The fantasy of being loved unconditionally and forever by your child is hard to maintain when you bump up against the reality that your life will change for ever and that your choice to bring a child into this world at the wrong time may impact you in ways that you don't expect. Your friend should talk to a trusted adult, or counselor about what is going on inside of her. Good luck!

Answer 7

I can't believe people are being so rude.

It is not "bad" that she wants to get pregnant at 14. Maternal instincts and hormones kick into overdrive for some girls at this age. However, she does need to know that this is not a good time in her life to be having a baby, however ready she may feel.

I would suggest that your friend spend some time volunteering somewhere where she can be around a lot of babies and children and see what it's really like. Best case scenario, she may see that it is really more responsibility than she can handle in her situation. Even failing that, at least she will be able to be around babies and hopefully ease some of that longing a bit.

Tell your friend that while it is an admirable wish to want to be a parent, part of parenthood is making sacrifices. What greater sacrifice can you make, and what greater gift can you give to your future children, than to wait until the right TIME to bring them into this world? She can start being a good mom right now, without having a baby yet. ;) That child that she will love so much deserves to be in a home with two parents who love it, with a solid and stable future. Sometimes that isn't possible, but why not try to wait until it is? There is no hurry, no expiration date on love.

I hope that helps somewhat.

Answer 8

I would not use the word 'bad', but I would say that it's not good timing.
Think about it. You'd have to put your whole life on hold. It's not as easy as it seems and you'd want to be there 24/7 mentally, physically, and emotionallyand financially. You're too young...your own needs are priority right now.
Who will pay the bill?
Also another point, how will you work and pay at age 14?
Not preaching...but just something to think about.
There's something missing emotionally in your life at this time because of this. It's not your fault.
Find someone who is an adult that you are close to or trust and discuss it with them.
I sure hope this helps you out.

Answer 9

She may want to feel the love of having a child that would love and care for her. Possibly she feels lonely. First she needs to think about her financial situation: does she have a job? (probably not at 14). Can she provide a home and clothing for this child? (she probably lives with her parents and they buy all of her clothes for her) Can she provide enough love for this baby and put in the time and effort it takes to raise a child? (She is only 14 and does not have enough life experience) If "NO" was the answer to any of these questions then she is not ready. It is not necessarily "bad" to want to be pregnant at 14 as long as she does not act on this thought.

Answer 10

The short version - it's not bad to 'want' to be pregnant, at 14 you're in the age during puberty that your body starts undergo changes that make this 'parental instinct' take shape. The problem with this is I hope your friend realizes that at 14, your body is not physcially ready to cope with a pregnancy. And of course, aside from all that is the fact that 14 is just beginning life and getting to know who you are as an individual - it isn't the time to create another person when you can't legally even care for yourself. With all due respect to your friend, at 14 you are no where near prepared for what parenthood entails.

Answer 11

Ok I'm a brand new dad of a 6month old girl. I love her to death, but it is the hardest thing in the world to take care of a child. She is 14 and has no idea what she is talking about. Tell her to get a puppy and baby it for a few years. If she can't handel a puppy then their would be no way on earth she would be able to handel a baby.

Does she understand that her whole youth will be gone. No more parties, no more going to the movies with friends, no more ALONE time.