this one is for my mom since today is her birthday. tell me what you think!!! =)
Silence and running thoughts is all I need.
To pour out all of my feelings, to let my heart bleed
No one to bother me, completely alone
To tell different stories about over the years I’ve grown.
Living for the day, seizing what you have is sometimes hard to see.
Instead you look at all of the bad things that have happened and disagree
That you ever had anything to be happy for
You should take what you have for that day, and soar.
There have been different things I have written about
Those people and events I will never forget without a doubt.
When I am alone and have the chance to write whatever I choose
I have the world in front of me without anyone else’s views.
Sometimes the things people have to say can change the way you feel
With the blank paper in front of you there is nothing to conceal.
I do not think I will ever put these feelings to rest, they will always be here
Mentioning the ones who hurt me, will always and forever make me shed a tear
2007-11-13 05:43:54 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
It's great that you are expressing yourself in poetry. Poetry is a form of writing that causes us to thing about the right word...choosing words carefully...getting just the right feeling. And of course, there is a deep, spiritual component.
This poem is fairly introspective. If it's for your mom, why not write about her, or your love for her, or some times you've had together, instead of focusing so much on yourself?
I think you can do it. After all, you already have the pump primed!
2007-11-13 06:04:27 · answer #1 · answered by Amazonian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A beautiful sentiment written with the passion of youth. You really have potential but need to try and get away from the "all the end words must rhyme"pattern. It limits your writing and makes some of the poem seem forced and stunted. Try using internal rhymes and rhythms to enhance what you do and here's hoping to read you in print again...
2007-11-13 05:56:25 · answer #2 · answered by premonitiondemolition 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a nice poem but I don't think it is appropriate for your mom's birthday. Write a poem about her for her birthday.
2007-11-13 05:56:40 · answer #3 · answered by lcmcpa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's not bad! Have you thought of perhaps turning it into a song?
2007-11-13 05:47:10 · answer #4 · answered by I.P. F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really nice:))))))
2007-11-13 05:48:27 · answer #5 · answered by Margarita 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋