Is it bad to let daughters think they "must be" career women?

Question

A common response to the question of, "Am I serving as a poor role model as a SAHM" seems to be, "as long as you don't encourage your daughters to do the same." Is it equally coercive to encourage daughters to pursue a career?

I'm not talking about wanting to see them well-educated, as I think every parent wants that. I myself plan to encourage all my children to be educated, to have a fulltime job for some period of time, to learn *how* to have a career, etc. But I wonder if insisting that SAHMs must carefully encourage daughters to be "more" than they are points to a lack of respect for the role of mother.

Is it equally bad to encourage girls to be "career primary" women? If you support choice, why must some choices be apologized for and activly discouraged?

I should clairify that I do have a retirement plan - hubby and I share a 401k account. I also actively pursue education, for myself and my kids. I am also a housewife. So those are not mutually exclusive.

Answer 1

You should encourage your daughters to be business women who make a name for themselves. No it is not bad.

Answer 2

I think every child should be encouraged to become self supportive. I am a stay at home mom. I used to have a career, and I can go back to that career whenever I want. My mother always told me to get an education so I would never have to depend on anyone else to support me. As long as children get an education or can support themselves, then I think the choice is up to them as to whether they want to stay home with their children or work. I do not want my child to ever be in a situation where they have to settle for anything less than they deserve simply because they cannot support themselves financially. That's the bottom line. I think people automatically assume that a SAHM is either uneducated or totally dependent on someone else for their entire life. And as long as we keep calling ourselves housewives, that will probably never change.

Answer 3

the issue I see that is relevant relates to our natural instincts to emulate the parent we are closest to.
I have watched as each brother and myself have repeated the same patterns of either mom or dad. I have fought the patterns my whole life. Soon as I let my guard down there I am following the path of mom.
Lucky for me, because I didn't know my father, I've had this empty space that anyone could try to fill. I've had many great teachers who have been like fathers to me, and gotten the highest of attention and respect for that reason.
It would be likely that your daughter would persue college, attain a degree, and then suddenly want to raise children and be there for them full time, seemingly by her own choice and free will.
As a parent, you must be careful about how you react when you see her emulating the choices you regret having made because the child expands upon the pattern of the parent.
(not to say that you regret being a SAHM, Im more speaking of the smaller everyday choices.)
She can choose differently, but it will be hard unless you train her to constantly be aware of her every choice and action, and provide for her a thorough knowledge base from which to make such decisions. Good luck.
All she really needs is love.

Answer 4

You make a good point. We devalue the role of stay at home moms if we assume that everyone should have a career outside of the home.

I think that the point is that long ago, women did not have a choice about what they wanted to do. They were a stay at home mom because that is what moms did.

Today, a woman can be a mom and have another job outside of the home, if she chooses...just like a Dad can be a Dad and have a job outside of the home. Or a Dad can be a stay at home caretaker, too. Men did not really have that choice in the past, either.

It is about choice.

Edit: I also want to add on that I agree that both men and women need to be taught to be self-sufficient. In my own family, I have a close relative who is staying with her husband while he is in Iraq because she cannot afford to divorce him after he cheated on her. She has now realized that, yes, she has her 3 wonderful children all under 5, but she should have kept her job outside of the home, too. She is now going back to school for her master's degree so that she can be self-sufficient in case they do not resolve their differences.

Answer 5

It's the sense of what is culturally accepted as politically correct that makes SAHMs feel like they must apologize for their role. It's a shame that people feel like being a mom is somehow demeaning or a "lesser" position as a woman. I'm afraid that at this rate many women won't want anything to do with having children just because they feel it makes them feel unimportant or unintelligent. Part of the problem too must reside with sexist males who perpetuated gender role stereotypes and made women feel that their place HAD to be as the homemaker. This in turn brought about a feeling of female empowerment that took away from the absolute importance and respect that SHOULD come with being a SAHM.

Answer 6

You should encourage your daughters to make their own decisions based upon what makes them happy. And you should support them in their choices, even if they choose to become a "career woman". I think it's great that you plan to encourage them to have a fulltime job , as that gives them something to fall back on if they need it - like after a divorce or if their husband passes away, or even if they just need the extra income.

As to encouraging daughters to be "more", in my point of view, it's to let them know there are more choices out there.

I actively discourage people from teaching their daughters that her place is *only* in the kitchen, raising babies and cooking for hubby OR teaching their daughters that men are evil and unnecessary.

Answer 7

I think that being a housewife over the last 35-45 years is vastly different than being a mother and wife before 1950. When I look at the things my grandmothers, great-grandmothers, and other family members of their generations did-I find that they did far more than raise children and clean house.

Several of these ladies were actively engaged in running farms. Some were teachers. Some worked in their family stores. A few were nurses. One served on the local board of education. 3 of them worked in factories at least part of the time. None of them were stay at home moms like we dream about today.

I raised my daughters to be able to be full partners with their husbands and to be self-sufficient if necessary. There are many ways to accomplish these things....and to be honest, I think the stay-at-home v. career is a moot point. Whether women "stay home", "have a career", or do both at different points in our lives; we need to be flexible and able to cope with whatever life throws our way.

Answer 8

Parents should encourage their children to follow the path that makes them happy. If you daughter wants to be a stay at home mom, just like her mother, then support her. If she wants to be a "career woman," support her. It sounds as if you have covered all your bases in that you have taught her it is important that she knows how to be financially self suffcient if she does choose to be a SAHM.

Aside from that, I think that in our modern culture, SAHMs are way more valued than working moms.

Answer 9

Yes, it is bad to let daughters think that they must be career women because they will not prepare to be a mother. Being a mother requires sacrifice; a woman more so than a man. You may have to put career aside for the good of a family and you need to know "how" to do that too. You also need to know how to insist that your husband do retirement planning for you too. While you are not working, he should be expected to contribute to an IRA in your name managed by you. I see many people who function better at work for having paid full attention to the "parenting experience". I also think that going back to work after the necessity of being a full time parent is mainly about getting over fear. There are plenty of good jobs available for educated people.

Answer 10

I think you should encourage them to be whatever they want to be whether its career oriented or a housewife. Supporting their choices is more important. I have a family like that, everyone says no no no you must have a job if you ever want to be anything in life even though I am considering just being a caregiver to my family when I have one instead of having a career. Its very discouraging, I feel like people are trying to choose my life for me.

Answer 11

It depends on what you mean by career.

Personaly what you should be encouraging your daughters to do is to find a path and be happy. Don't obsess over children, marriage, or the perfect job. I've seen far too many grow up and strive ONLY to be married and have kids.

That's great, but they need to strive for an EDUCATION.