I am in a relationship with a married man. It just started. To make matters worse he’s my boss. He says he’s really not happy, never wanted to get married, and is not in love, but he wanted to do the right thing when she got pregnant, but now he wants out and it hasn't even been a year for them. I feel bad for liking this man. I feel bad for his wife. But when we are together, feeling bad is not what’s on our mind however, we never have had sex. We go out in public together, we kiss and hold hands in public and he just doesn’t seem to care about her. Should I end this to be the bigger person and for the sake of his marriage?
2007-11-13 04:59:55 · 78 answers · asked by THe T 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh yeah, and his wife works with us to!
2007-11-13 05:00:45 · update #1
of course you should feel bad. what if your husband was cheating on you.
2007-11-13 05:02:33 · answer #1 · answered by sw 3 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Why in the world do you complicate your life and let that man do it as well. If he's not happy with his wife then let then solve that situation and after they're divorce you won't feel like having to ask for other's opinion to live your romance.
You know you could end up without a job, perhaps not but she can physically do some harm or worst... tell everybody what kind of person you are, a married man's lover doesn't look good to others, maybe to other married man or singles that don't want something serious.
And if you end up "living" with this man, will trust him in the future that he's not going to do the same to you, oh yes, the same old story... he didn't really love his wife..
Love yourself a little more and look for somebody who really loves you too.
2007-11-13 05:09:47 · answer #2 · answered by Lulu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy!
You know this isn't right, it's as clear as day in your question.
You need to to do two things here....
First, stop the relationship, be straight, if you like this guy tell him but also be clear he must sort out his current relationship with his wife & the responsiblities for his child before you'll go out with him.
If you don't & his wife finds out there you will be badly hurt, there may be a divorce, he may dump you anyway & you will certainly lose your job.
Whatever you do, don't listen to his words about how unhappy he is. It may be true, it may not.
If he is as unhappy as he tells you then the above shouldn't be an issue, he'll be thinking of seperation & possibly divorce anyway.
If it is an issue for him - he may say something like "now isn't a good time" then dump him flat - you're being used.
Second thing to do... find another job as quickly as you can.
This situation will not stay secret for long. Someone will see you & tell his wife.
That will take you swiftly back to the comments above & you will no longer have any control over this situation.
There's an old saying "do do mess on your own doorstep" By going out with your boss (always a dumb idea) & right under his wife's nose (double dumb!) you've stacked up the future trouble shelves to the max.
Time to move out of this mess before it all falls on your head.
If he leaves his wife & you're working elsewhere you have choices,
As things stand you have only two, stick around & wait for it all to blow up in your face, or move out of the jiob & set the terms for any future involvement.
As I said at the top... oh boy! (what a mess!)
2007-11-13 05:12:48 · answer #3 · answered by tone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have actually typed several things, then deleted them. I happen to be a married woman, 14 years... we are happily married with two children. I have to tell you...what you've just described here absolutely disgusts me. You want to be the bigger person? It's a little late for that now. Just end it. Not for the sake of his marriage, but for YOUR sake.
I am not dismissing what the man did, either. He isn't the one that asked the question, YOU did. You must not think very highly of yourself to carry on with a married man.
Scigirl? I, too, am a strong believer in Karma.
If you are willing to help this man cheat on his wife, then you will surely reap the consequences. Maybe if you go to his wife and explain what happened and ask for her forgiveness, it will help. I don't know. All I know is...you should be ashamed of yourself.
2007-11-13 05:10:41 · answer #4 · answered by Beth 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no love or any feeling for yourself or for his wife and family!
This man has a family and you are destroying it! What if this family were yours? What if it were your husband?
It is as if you were about to cross the street and you decided to ask: Should I look before crossing or should I just go ahead and wait till some car or truck hits me?
You get more than you give. You know the man is married and he is not yours and he will never be. Betrayal is awful and insane. Sorry because although you know what you are doing you don't seem to regret. Sorry you may have to suffer the same in order to find out what you are doing and the pain you are causing to others. I am real sorry about your insanity.. I am sorry for what you will have in return. I am sorry...
2007-11-13 05:08:26 · answer #5 · answered by Desir D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Such a sad sack you are. If he didn't care for his wife anymore, he would leave. You, my friend, must be young and naive or just simply a socialpath. Tell this jacka*s to back off or end it with his wife now. You are setting yourself up to get sickly hurt and he won't care about you because you aren't "his wife". No man is worth the embarrassment you will face when the wife finds out or when others start to gossip. You are the "intruder" the "home-breaker" and all the other negative connotations that come with this type of horse-play. He'll come out as the "playboy"; the man's man; and he won't leave his wife because he has silly little girls to play with.
2007-11-13 05:08:06 · answer #6 · answered by anaise 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should absolutely end it with him. I can see things in what you're saying that show you know it's wrong. You know, for example, that you would "be a bigger person" if you were to get out. It sounds like you have the answer to your own question.
And just in case you don't, the answer is YES get out of it!! That's so wrong. I have a husband, and if he was ever cheating on me I know how painfull that would be. No matter how bad his marriage is, that doesn't justify what you're doing. If his marriage really is that bad, then wait for him to end it on his own and if he still wants to pursue you after he is divorced then maybe you could consider it then. The dude took vows.. let him honor them. His wife doesn't deserve that.
2007-11-13 05:24:01 · answer #7 · answered by Mary 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out! The worst you can lose is your job and if I were you, I'd be changing jobs anyway. What would you want with a man who cheats on his wife and in public even? If you got him, wouldn't you always wonder who he was cheating on you with? Married less than a year and because he got her pregnant (so he says) and already he's out with someone else. And he's telling an employee how he didn't want to get married, wasn't in love, blah, blah, blah. I don't feel one bit sorry for him. He is a jerk! And she made the decision to have sex with him. And now her poor decision is destroying her marriage. Somehow I don't think you'd be losing anything worth having if you got out.
2007-11-13 05:14:07 · answer #8 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I would get out of the relationship. If he is not happy with his wife then he needs to leave her. It is not fair to either of them. Plus, if he is cheating on his wife then what makes you think that he won't cheat on you? It also sounds like he isn't looking to be commited and stay in a long term relationship. If that's what you are looking for then I don't think you will find it with him. You need to tell him that if he wants to continue this relationship with you then he needs to leave his wife. He can still be there for his child. If he truly cares about you then he will respect your decision. Be careful though because mixing work with pleasure isn't always a good idea; especially if it's your boss.
2007-11-13 05:08:28 · answer #9 · answered by silentrefuge86 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out get out get out get out....
You are "The other woman" and nothing will change that stigmata. Even if you end up with him you will still be the other woman from the first marriage, and if he did that to her, there's always going to be the question of would he do that to you.
There is no "right" way to be with someone who is married. As I told a friend, if she is THAT unhappy in her marriage, then be with her AFTER she leaves her husband, not before.
Don't be the bigger person, be the ethical person. Be sure you can look proudly into your mirror every morning.
2007-11-13 05:05:12 · answer #10 · answered by The Cat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you know the answer...but the question is do you want to do the RIGHT thing?? Try to keep your reputation & dignity if at all possible & NEVER get involved w/ a married man! EVER! Remember--what goes around comes around...you (& the slum) will have this coming in your future. :( He obviously wants his cake & eat it too. He's living a double life & you're allowing it. Don't you deserve someone all to yourself or do you like being seconds and having the title "the other woman"?? RUN & look for another job! I wouldn't bother w/ him...he's cheating w/ you...he obviously doesn't have the capacity to be honest & faithful to anyone. What a selfish coward!
2007-11-13 05:02:45 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋