Our family is very prejudice and I dont know what to do. I know this boy and liked him as long as they were just friends
2007-11-13 04:54:30 · 49 answers · asked by crys 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
My head is not in my a s s. Thank you people for the answers. Reason I asked the question is because I wanted to get opinions from others besides my family. For those of you who told me to grow up and all the other ugly stuff you said, go to hell and I dont care what color you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-11-13 06:17:27 · update #1
Well first of all, I am black myself, and no matter who your daughter loves, you should try to except that, unless he's a ex-con, or pedophile, or flat out crazy! You and your family need to wake up and see that race is not a issue, your views on race is the reason why people get hurt out here on a regular basis! You should still like him! I hope things work out and you don't lose your daugther behind this ignorance!
2007-11-13 05:01:24 · answer #1 · answered by kay-kay 3 · 34⤊ 1⤋
And what constitutes "just friends"? Your daughter is doing what all normal teenagers do- experimenting with meeting and getting to know people of different cultures, languages, and yes, races. It's YOU and your parents, and the rest of your family, who have the problem- and the problem is that you judge people by the color of their skin, instead of by the content of their character. That makes you not only racist, but bigotted as well. Have you ever read or heard the famous "I Have a Dream " speech given by Dr. Martin Luther King in 1963 at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC? That speech was about this idea. People deserve to be judged on the basis of who they are inside, not what their skin or eye color is. Would you like this boy your daughter is dating to turn around and have HIS family JUDGE YOU this way? He certainly could do this- there is no law against it any more, not these days. The Jim Crow era ended when my mother was a young woman- and thankfully, it has never returned.
The other responders are right, you and your family need to grow up some and get out of the dark ages. Racism is a real tragedy, one which managed to alienate generations of people and started a lot of wars before it was finally brought to something resembling an end. There is nothing wrong with your daughter dating someone outside her own race- it may be that perhaps he treats her better than the boys of her own race do. Had you ever considered that? Prejudice is a learned behavior- and by interfering with or prohibiting your daughter from seeing this boy, you are sending a message that certain people are not acceptable associates for her, no matter how much she might like or want to be with them. Is that what you want her to learn?
As long as your daughter's boyfriend isn't hurting her, or forcing her to do things against her will, I would say let them date and behave in a normal way towards each other. After all, he is part of the human family too, just as we all are. Enough said.
2007-11-13 08:27:11 · answer #2 · answered by Starlight 1 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am a now 23 year old girl who comes from a middle class white family. When I was around 20 years old, I met an african-american guy who I had a lot in common with. We began dating after a while, and my parents were not happy. They said they didn't want me to date him because "our family would never accept him" and because THEIR parents were prejudice. Turns out, THEY just didn't like the idea. The guy I was dating was a great guy, and even though we're no longer together, we are still friends. We DID NOT break up because my parents wanted us to... I followed my heart and gave it my best shot with him against their will. That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do... it really hurt our relationship for a long time.
If you love your daughter, you will hold onto your relationship with her with all of your might. The older she gets, the less you will be a part of her life unless you make an effort to be there for her. You WILL push her away if you try and dictate her love life for the wrong reasons.
If this boy was abusive to her, I would tell you to make her end it in a heartbeat... but if all he is guilty of is being black, you'd better leave them alone. Be happy for your daughter!
*Side note: I'm sorry your family is prejudice. YOU have the power to make a difference. You don't have to let their hatred bleed down into the younger generations... your child has a beautiful, unique mind and a view of the world that's probably quite different from what yours is. Love and accept her. THAT is what kids need. See things through her eyes. Truly care about her feelings and opinions and she will be more accepting of yours. Good luck!
2007-11-13 06:15:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have to say I never heard or seen anyone admit they are prejudice. I know ignorance is bliss but come on! Are you serious? I guess you would rather someone who is whatever race you are; maybe he'd be abusive [your choice of boyfriend I mean].
I don't understand what the big deal is! When my children were little I just wanted them to find someone who was kind to them. My son has a thing for mexican girls. Big deal!!! He has friends of every color. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I guess you only want your daughter happy provided you can choose who it is that she dates.
Get your head out of your rear end. Seriously. Grow up. You are such a bigot. How do you look in the mirror with out being ashamed? Really, how do you do it?
By the way, I seriously doubt you liked this boy before now. If you are prejudiced then you wouldn't like him at all due to the simple fact he's black and your closed minded.
2007-11-13 05:49:29 · answer #4 · answered by musicpanther67 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
OMG!! Let your daughter date who she wants as long as he's not a bad guy! So what if she's dating a black! It's her choice! How would you like it if sombody was like "Oh i'm not going to be with you because you're white!"?! You would be hurt! Blacks are the same as everybody else except they're just a different color! If you want to be a good citizen, racism ISN'T the answer! Now days many people look down on racists! You should be happy that your daughter has found sombody she likes(as long as the relationship isn't abusive) and you should support her! Your daughter may end up never wanting to see her family again once she moves out if they're not gonna respect for who she likes!
2007-11-13 11:15:37 · answer #5 · answered by alix p 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To the adolescent mind, destroying the swimwear will seem like petty revenge. I would say that a good talking to, which you've already done, and being grounded is enough. At the end of that period, return all the swim outfits with the admonition that a repeat performance is not expected. I've three daughters, mom, and I can relate: it scares a parent silly to think what adolescent stupidity can engender. Trouble is, there's no cure for stupidity. Some folks - and not just adolescents - have to learn the hard way. If you try to keep the kid in a cage, all you'll do is foster worsening resentment and lessen the possibility of a lifelong, caring and sharing relationship with your child. Don't come down on her like a ton of bricks. But yes, it was proper to express your disappointment in her. Give her a chance to redeem herself. And steel yourself for the possibility she'll screw up again, and screw up worse. It took my eldest daughter until she was in her twenties to lose the attitude, but lose it she did - after Papa's hair got good and gray!
2016-05-22 23:35:16 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 24 an in march will be having a baby that is going to be mixed! I think that at 15 she is going to thinkshe more grown then she is and if you try and push him out of the picture will only cause you and her more hurt!
As a parent you can let her know how you feel. You cant really tell her what to do, she will run the other way if you make her do things. My parents let me know all the time that they dont like that he is black and my baby will be mixed. The only thing I see when I look at my boyfriend is a good hearted person who treats me right. 5 years ago I was placed in the hospital for 6 months from being beat up so bad by my WHITE boyfriend.
So what ever issues you are having with this make sure they are worth getting upset over. If its your problem then looks like you might have some growing up to do so you dont lose your daughter! Just try and keep communication open without judging her.... she gets judged all day everyday the last person she needs it from is her family.
2007-11-13 05:05:29 · answer #7 · answered by SARAH D 4 · 9⤊ 2⤋
I don't understand why it matters if she is going out with him and he is black or if they are just friends and he is black. Your family should accept it. He might be her soulmate and no one can stop that. The race shouldn't make a difference. On the other hand if you don't agree with her having any boyfriends at her age then that would be why you don't like them going out. But at 15 i believe she has a right to choose who she wants as a friend or a boyfriend, and parents should not get involved unless she is in danger! Let her make her own life and let her deal with family
2007-11-13 06:59:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your only objection to her dating him is the fact that he is black, then you should just find out how to get over that. Ask yourself, if this boy were white, would he be acceptable for my daughter? Does he display the kind of qualities and character that I deem appropriate for a mate for her? If you can't find any reason other than his color for them to not date, then you need to leave well enough alone. The next guy might be white, but that doesn't mean he'll be a good boyfriend. You should be way more interested in your daughter making good character choices than in someone's skin tone.
Remember: right now you are teaching your daughter how to interact with men for the rest of her life...the last thing you want to do is give her the idea that a person's appearance should be a top priority.
2007-11-13 05:08:14 · answer #9 · answered by missbeans 7 · 9⤊ 1⤋
How can you not like the guy just because he is AFRICAN AMERICAN (to be politically correct). When I read your question I was blown away! You need to get over your self! I Don't care if your not going to listen to this and you if you don't care what a non-prejudice person has to say, but GET OVER YOURSELF! I am proud of your daughter for sticking up for what she believes in. It's people like YOU who are making this world a bad place!
2007-11-13 11:31:34 · answer #10 · answered by nicnac 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hello I'm a multiracial girl(Black/White/Native American) it's not at all bad . Looking at your situation in another perspective, I just have to say everybody has there own prejudices but you can't choose who someone likes or dislikes. Just be fair and tolerant. If you try to ruin the relationship, you can damage the relationship with your child which is very important at 15. It's okay , It really is. Don't judge him as a black person but on how well he treats your daughter and if he has a great personality.
2007-11-13 05:11:36 · answer #11 · answered by Acepholis 2 · 8⤊ 1⤋