My husband and I have been married for a year and a half and we have a 3 year old son and a new baby due in January. He has another son who is 5 from a previous relationship. His mother and him are coming back for a few days and we are having a birthday party for him. The ex told my husband that when she is back she wants to talk with him for an hour or two but it has to be alone. I am really upset with this and I told my husband that I don't agree with this happening and now he is mad at me. What should I do??? Am I wrong for thinking this way??? Please help me!
2007-11-13 04:21:02 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
WOW! This is a very bad situation all around. On one hand there is a history between your husband and his ex. that needs to be maintained for the sake of their son. On the other hand what about you and your kids. 1 or 2 hours seems really way too long for a private chat. I think you do need to give him a little time to talk but it should be limited and in a neutral zone in a public setting like a lunch during the day. So maybe 30 minutes tops. Just enough time for a salad or sandwich and some conversation. This should be a very realistic compromise and if it is rejected by your husband maybe you need to rethink your relationship. I can understand him being a little upset with you because he may feel that if he doesn't give the ex what she wants she may take the son away from him. She's got the upper hand here. Your totaly not wrong for thinking the way you do, but you should try and come up with a compromise you both can live with. You may be mistaking his anger for wanting to be alone with his ex for bad reasons when he may just be terrified of losing his son. You need to be open and honest with each other. I hope you can work it out. Good luck and Blessed be.
2007-11-13 04:42:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nicole relax a bit and take a step back. Your husband is under alot of pressure since you have a 3 yr old and another on the way. He has to support 3 kids and you don't say how old you are? He has his hands full with just child support!
The ex girlfriend or wife? wants to talk, if she has never done anything to you and your husband relationship before... trust him, support him. Give him the time before the party, meeting at your home where the two of them can talk privately and keep your cool. Part of maturity has to do with all parties talking, being civil for the sake of the kids involved.
Now if the ex is trying to deliberately make trouble then that is where both you and husband have to put your feet down and stop her. It's normal, especially since your pregnant to feel victim and insecure. Apologize to your hubby and said "Gosh, I guess I've let my hormones get the better of my judgement. I do trust you, I do love you and I hope you can forgive me for feeling insecure." Your hubby should come back with his own apology and reassurance that it's only a meeting to discuss his son.
Listen to his viewpoint, but if you think she's there to make trouble then convey to your hubby your concerns in a mature discussion. This women is in both your lives for the next 13 yrs at least so it pays to be civil.
2007-11-13 12:42:14 · answer #2 · answered by Staci 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well If you've been married for almost two years. And you also have two children together ... I'd hope that it is safe to say He loves you very much, and this is no reason to be upset. Remember If you don't have trust - You don't have nothing.
BUT I am gonna rebound myself by saying this ... Why can't she come and talk to you both ? It shouldn't have to be alone. If you are all open about the situation with what happens with the children, then why not remain open about it ? Because as far as I'm concerned it is now your business too ... You are his wife - and his previous son is your step child. I do not think that you are wrong for thinking this way. But just keep calm about it, and suggest that she come over for dinner and talk. Or even stay after the birthday party and talk to both of you. There is no need to be singled out if it's about the child.
2007-11-13 04:27:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's essentially a cockfight between women. She's trying to establish prior dominance. No matter how your husband plays it, she wins because it causes problems for you. It's understandable that you're upset; in fact, it's designed to upset you. So here's where your trust with your husband helps out. No matter which way you two handle it, make sure that the ex is not privvy to it.
And I can't imagine any issue with my ex that would ever consume an hour, let alone two, AND requires privacy. This isn't an indictment of your husband, but the games being played by the ex.
2007-11-13 05:00:04 · answer #4 · answered by Marc X 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she has things she needs to discuss that she just doesn't feel comfortable discussing in front of you. You don't let her into all the details of you and your husbands relationship so don't try and stick your nose in theirs. Like it or not, this woman and your husband have a child together. You knew that when you go involved with him. She will always be in your lives.
You need to trust your husband and let him talk to her. As a gesture of good will, you could even offer to watch their son while they sit in the back yard and talk privately. Just because they are alone doens't mean anything will happen. Let them telk, no matter how much you don't like it. Your husband will tell you later what is was about when the two of you are alone.
Just because she wants to talk alone, doesn't mean she has bad intentions. It is just a private matter.
2007-11-13 04:33:26 · answer #5 · answered by Meghan 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The main question here is 'trust'. Do you trust your husband?
If the answer is yes.. what is the problem? If the answer is no, you've got a bigger problem than him talking to his ex.
They have history. Chances are, she just needs to talk about their son one-on-one. Suggest to him they meet in a public place, crowded restaraunt - not somewhere like a hotel bar...
Are YOU without a past?
How would you want your husband to react if YOUR ex came in town and wanted to get together... ? Even if you knew it was innocent. How would you want him to react? Supportive or jealous?
Sounds like you need to look in a mirror and ask yourself WHY you are feeling this way. Has he cheated on you b4?Chances are, it is because you are preggers, and not feeling 100%. You will be surprised how self-honesty can help. Pray for guidance from your higher power....-- take care of yourself and YOUR kidz....
Good luck!!!
2007-11-13 04:35:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Do you trust your Husband?
What is it that has you upset?
Because if they are going to TALK about the boy they made. It is not an unreasonable request.
If you believe they are going to try and MAKE another boy. Then it is unreasonable request. And your husband is a scumbag.
I am hoping he is an honorable man and there are real issues they need to discuss and you need to take the kids for ice Cream at the park
2007-11-13 04:29:46 · answer #7 · answered by jadamgrd 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just let them talk. Your not wrong for thinking this way....on the other hand they are called "ex" for a reason. Sometimes they have evil things going on in their minds....but they are just plain "the ex"! You have more power that you will ever feel or know. Just don't let them think that it bothers you in any way. That will eat the ex up more than anything. Be confident with your relationship!
2007-11-13 04:29:03 · answer #8 · answered by Misty N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont be worried; all though i dont know your situationmy husband has a child from a previous relationship but we have full custody of him.. his mom has always tried to come between me and him and i put my foot down a long time ago. she knows not to cross my path. but we still are able to get along for this childs sake. my husband and i talked about it and he understands how i feel and why i think you should weight your options either sit down and talk to him about a. why she wants this meeting to be so private and what she could possibly want to talk about and b. that all in all you are his wife and he loves you and isnt going to leave you for her just remember there was some reason why he left to begin with. just dont get to jealous and dont let her know it is bothering you thats 1st and foremost good luck
2007-11-13 04:29:36 · answer #9 · answered by Jessica Hall 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your concern, but if you trust your husband, I would let this go. Remember, she is his ex, they didn't work out and since you have a new baby on the way, I would say that he loves you. I don't think you have anything to worry about. The ex just may have something to talk to him about the 5 yr old. Be glad that they can talk since they share a child and the boy needs both parents. Good luck and congrats on the new baby.
2007-11-13 04:25:58 · answer #10 · answered by suzb49 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋