My mother constantly puts me down. How can I make her understand that she's mentally and physically hurting me

Question

She's been doing this since I was a kid. I noticed it when I was 9. I used to be so up beat and I used to love to talk to people. Now, I'm so damn shy. It's hard for me to make friends. I'm always second guessing my decisions. It's gottan to the point that, I can't deal with simple issues of life.

I'm 21 in college.

Answer 1

You seriously need to start communicating with her but keep in my mind that I am not advising you to talk to her as you did in the past cuz this may have no impact.You have to communicate with her in a language she will understand because most people will listen but ignore your concerns so you have to take extreme measures for her to understand you and make sure she does because no one knows your mother more than you.You hold the key to have successful communication with your mother, you just have to find the right door to unlock.Good Luck.

Answer 2

Hi there. I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Is she physically hurting you or you are experiencing physical pain symptoms because of the mental/emotional hurt? Either way, you need to try and talk to her about to let her know your feelings. Only talk to her if you feel safe in doing so. If she will just get worse or physically hurt you, then you need to take other action. You can talk with another trusted family member or a school counselor.

No one deserves to be demeaned or put down in any way. She may be saying things to you and not even realizing that she is hurting you. It doesn't justify what she is doing, but it may be a factor. Please try to talk to her if you feel you can. If you can't, then talk to another trusted adult. You should not have to be shy, suffer socially, and second guess yourself because an adult cannot control themself. Good luck! You are in my thoughts.

Answer 3

You don't say how old you are so I don't know if you still live with your mother or not. I went through this with my father and the only way for me to break free of his torment was to cut myself completely off from him. If she's been doing this since you were a young child she's probably not ever going to stop without some help from a mental health professional. Maybe you could suggest going to councelling together. If she won't go then I would suggest you going to a councellor yourself if possible so you can start healing the dammage she has done to you.

Answer 4

Do it on her put her down find the wrinkles and the things a woman hates to recognize she has, do it to her and then if she says something back asking u why u said that say to her" now u know how it feels mom" u do it to me everyday and im sure after she feels the same why u feel then u guys could talk abt it....Thats weird that ur mom does that she should be the 1 giving u energy ...but try talking to her....

Answer 5

You don't say how old you are? Have you tried to talk to her about this? If she has been doing this since you were nine, she will probably do it for the rest of your life. Limit how much you talk to her and search out people that are healthy and positive for you. I was very shy too. Try to keep a polite smile on your face and say hello to people. Push yourself to speak to people and make eye contact. This will get easier as you get older.

Answer 6

My mom did the same thing. depending on how old you are now will have a lot to do with it. talking to her wont help, as some people who arent in your position will suggest you do. your mom has been so used to you being the subservient that she wont take you seriously just from talking.

if you dont feel like punching her in the face, which i dont reaaaaallly recommend, i can only tell you what i did. we had a lot of fights and it got pretty nasty, but i told her what i really thought of her and how it stunted my emotional growth. like i said, it didnt do much but make things tense, but it was necessary. eventually it got to the point where i just moved out one day with no notice at all. i was just gone and didnt say anything to her.

best thing that could have happened. now whenever i see her she kisses my asss and is quite excited at the prospect of having me around. i didnt move out till i was 22 tho haha, so i guess if youre too young to support yourself its going to be a bumpy ride. your mom is in a position of dominance and power, its like a hand around your throat, and talking to her wont get that hand off your throat. once you find a way to release the choke hold so that she cannot tell you what to do anymore and has no power over you or your decisions, only then will you be able to develop a better relationship with her. prolly with other people too. it sucks when you feel like someone has a leash around your neck. freedom costs money if you wanna move out, but i personally think its worth it.

see, the thing about talking to her is that even if she were to loosen up on you and stop putting you down, its like she would be doing that of her own choice, as if she owns you and shes giving it to you as a gift, and so she would think in her mind that she still maintains control you know? in which case it will come back one day. its imperative that you demonstrate that youre assertive and in control, or she will still look at you like a puppet who she can pick up and move around whenever she wants. cut those strings my dear. dont let her hurt you anymore, and find a way to keep her from controlling you and your moods.

it might take a while for you to get over the shyness now, but slowly itll get easier. hope things work out for u

Answer 7

Talk to her, tell her what her words are and have been doing to you, she probably has no idea. They say you hurt the people you love the most and this sounds like one of those instances.
Just remember you are the same person you've always been, you've just had a setback from no fault of your own.

Answer 8

shes obviously a very unhappy women have you talked to her about it most of the time mental abusers have some problems in their own life or even when they were younger i would tell your dad or tell her you want to get counseling for you and her and if this doesn't work usually when people get old enough they move out

Answer 9

I bet your grandmother used to do that to your mother too. Ask her questions about her childhood and then point to her that she is doing the same thing to you. Time to break the chain.
Calmly tell her you need encouragement from her part and do the same to her as well.

Answer 10

hey there
what you have too do from now on is .put yourself first .the thins is your mom will never change .so you kinda ;have too expect that . and go your own way .all the best .