I cheated on my wife should i tell her? the guilt is killing me/?

Answer 1

If the guilt is killing you, tell her. Get it off your chest. Of course there will be consequences, but that's better than a heavy heart.

Personally, if it were me, I wouldn't say a word.

Answer 2

Two ways of looking at this...

First of all, was it a one-off, and something you feel so appalling about that you'll never do it again? If so, why would you want to tell her something that will no doubt devastate her, just to make yourself feel better and ease your conscience? If you know you will NEVER betray her trust again, and that she can never find out about this from someone else... then don't tell her. Work on being a better husband and make sure you never, ever do that again. You'll have to carry the guilt of the affair around forever, but no reason why your wife should have that painful memory too. I would never normally advocate deceiving someone, but... you've done this horrible thing now, if you're determined that you'll never do it again, and if you really love your wife, then telling her just to 'unburden' yourself of the guilt and be 'honest' with her is not doing her any favours, it's just for your own conscience. So don't.

Or... is there a chance you might do it again? Are you not altogether sure you want to be with (and faithful to, 100%) your wife? If the answer to either of those questions is 'yes' (or even 'maybe') then yes, you owe it to her to tell her what you've done so that she can make a decision about whether she can ever trust you again, or whether she would even want to.

Answer 3

you should evaluate why you did it first. do you love her, is something missing from your marriage, are you trying to sabotage the relationship, are you selfish, do you love this other person?
Most importantly do you regret it? I once read in a magazine that if you truly regretted it and aren't going to do it again then you should spare your wife's feelings and live with the guilt as your punishment. I don't know if that is the right answer, only you do.
I would want to know, I think she has a right to know. You put her in danger because of possible diseases you could have picked up. You need to decide if it worth the possibility that she wont forgive you. That's her choice though, it will help if you can tell her why you did it, telling her you don't know why is only going to piss her off.

Guilt alone is not a good reason to tell, you need to tell because you are ready to deal with the consequences of you actions and because you are sorry for what you did or are not sorry and are ready to end the marriage. you decide.

Answer 4

Dear Club penguin,
Hey sweetie. You know the hardest thing to do is to admit that you have made a mistake. It is a million times harder to deal with the guilt that follows.
But you know what? Admitting to YOURSELF and your wife that you have, is the first step to healing not only your wife, BUT YOU!
YOU need to heal, to find out who you are and what caused you to hurt the one person who loves you. Honesty is always the best policy, and being honest with yourself and your family is a great way to start!
Something has happened in your life that caused you to turn from her. Are you unhappy? Be it at home or at work? Did someone hurt you and you reacted in this manner?
Think about this, and you will find your answer.
But please, tell your wife...tell her EVERYTHING!
OPEN Up and tell her anything that hurts you or bothers you.
Your spouse, your wife....is supposed to be the one you can talk too.
Blessings and luck

Answer 5

Liars and cheats are the most selfish people alive next to drunks. The fact that you are more concerned with your feelings of guilt rather than her feelings says everything about you. No where do you mention you are going to do everything you can to never hurt her like this again, only concern about being uncomfortable with your guilt.

Actions speak louder than words. You already destroyed your marriage and now you want to destroy this woman's spirit. My guess is that this will allow you the freedom to just do it all over again and again. Cheaters and liars never change, so unless you are willing to get into counseling to save yourself, then why bother.

My guess is, she already knows.

Answer 6

Wow..that is very touchy...you will never get rid of the guilt. Once you tell her she will never trust you again, with good reason. You must ask "can I live this way?" If not then no, you must tell her. Do not expect a welcome wagon when you do. Do not expect her to be understanding as she will not. Be prepared to possibly be ending a marriage. Seek a councilor that can help with this matter. Maybe your guilt is punishment enough.

Answer 7

Yes you need to tell her. She will think more of you if you tell her instead of her finding out from someone else. It will be hard, but you will have to earn her trust back if you want to make it work and it could take years to do this. As a wife of a cheating husband, I would have love to have known instead of me finding out by my employees coming to me and telling me. If you want to save your marriage you have to balls up and make the first step of building the trust and tell her. You will have to deal with the consequences, even if it does end up in divorce. It will honestly be a better out come than her finding out from someone else. At least give her enough respect to hear it from you and not others. GOOD LUCK!!!!

dd

Answer 8

your guilt is going to keep killing you until u tell her. so tell her. you know whats going to happen when you do. be prepared for it. know that she will be very mad, know that it will take a long time to gain her trust, know that you might end up in divorce if you dont do things right, know that you have to do everything u can to keep your marriage together--even if it means kissing her @ss. you did wrong, you are going to have to pay for it. and if you show enough remorse and actually prove to her u can be trusted and you really are sorry, you'll be fine. and then? DONT DO IT AGAIN!

Answer 9

That's a tough one.
Sometimes "what we don't know, won't hurt us".
Once you do tell her, you are going to hurt her far more than you can ever imagine.
I know, I was the one that was hurt.
If you're afraid that it might happen again, then yes you should tell her.
Because that is something that you 2 are going to have to work out.
Obviously your marriage is lacking something and that is why you went looking elsewhere.
But if it's something that you know you will never do again, because you learned a lesson....then maybe just let by gones be by gones ;)

Answer 10

Only you know your wife, I don't know if she would be able to handle it or not. I can tell you that it would be very damaging to your marriage. Don't tell her simply to make yourself feel better, because I can guarantee you it will only make her feel like sh*t.
On the other hand, she has a right to know and I sure as heck would want to know.
Get some counseling and figure it out together.