My husband and I are seperated. We have been for a month now. The dovorce was a long time coming. He was physicaly and emotionaly abusive we tried counsling and every thing but he just got more angry.
My question is I have started a relationship with another man. Nothing serious, we are just friends for now. But there is talk of something more. I feel a tad guilty about this though. My guy friend has been there through the whole process and even encouraged me to leave my abusive husband. Now you can say we are "seeing" each other. Is this too soon after? We are not even divorced yet. I feel guilty for being happy.
2007-11-13 01:28:05 · 25 answers · asked by M Rina 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A lot of people seem have the opinion that you shouldn't get into another relationship until the divorce is final, my opinion is that the legal status of the divorce is irrelevant provided that you believe the marriage to be over in a relationship sense. There is no point being more unhappy than you need to be, your marriage is over so why not go and test the water with somebody else?
It took me about three to four months to get back into a new relationship after my wife and I separated but the divorce was not final for a few months.
2007-11-13 05:51:46 · answer #1 · answered by Very happily married. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel giulty for being happy,but make sure this friend isn't a rebound fling.Not saying that is what this is.Make sure this talk of more is something you two should consider and it won't ruin your friendship,but only make it stronger.Talk out everything from the past to what you both want in the future.What both of you exspect from eachother out of the realationship.Set your goals and standards.Don't jump in with both feet.Take it slow and before any sex is involved wait till your divorce is final.Keep your head straight and give yourself some time to take in the hurt and then let it go.Cry and get mad and then move on.Sex can confuse anything in this kind of situation.So becareful and use your head.
2007-11-13 01:41:26 · answer #2 · answered by lollypop 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy..... but I would caution you about jumping back into a relationship so quickly.
Divorce is tough on everyone... and coming out of an abusive relationship is even tougher. You need time to adjust.... so while its cool that you have a guy friend, getting into anything real heavy right now just wouldn't be right for either of you. Plus, if you have children, you need to be aware of their feelings... of what they are going through losing their dad. If you don't have kids, I would still say that taking things nice and slow is the best way to go. You don't need to hurry here... you have time. Get to know who YOU are again.... you know?
Good luck to you............
2007-11-13 01:35:14 · answer #3 · answered by Aron1968_30 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If it is true you are getting divorced in a true sense not in a word only, you have a right to be happy with the guy you are with now and you need not be guilty about it.
However if your guilty is because you do not love him then that is something you should amend now before you complicate things further and hurt this special guy.
I also personnaly think you need space and evalauate your relationship with this guy from a distance and real see if you love this guy or you feel obliged to stay with him because of his support.
2007-11-13 01:49:15 · answer #4 · answered by laol 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Personally I think when a person gets divorced and you were the "offended" party, you need to give your a heart a chance to heal before jumping into another relationship. Too soon and you are likely to find yourself making comparisons and such to your ex and in this particular case maybe getting defensive if he were to question you about something. If the two of you are meant to be it will happen.
2007-11-13 01:42:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to work for a family therapist, so I have a little insite of what your going thru as Ive seen this type of behavior before and Im warning you that you are not ready for a relationship with anyone for at least another year, maybe longer, everyone,s healing process differs, but the average length of time ususally is a year. You will only take the hurt, anger and baggage from your marriage and bring it into this new relationship, and I know your what your thinking? You dont want to let this guy go and he seems like a keeper, and you feel like its the 1st time you,ve been happy in a long time, bla-bla-blah, but statistically speaking, you will fail. My advise will help you, you may not like it and you most likely wont take it but I,ll put it out their anyway, so heres my advise- take a year off to find out who you are and what you really want, seek some family therapy, as you are coming out of a bad marriage and divorce you need time to absorb what you have been thru, if you jump into a relationship you are merley masking the pain of your breakup with what you think is the love and affection of another man, right now this new guy is like a drug to a junkie, he makes ya feel good, but at the end of the day, you dont really love him, you love the high, you love the feeling of being in love, but its not real! This is your pain and hurt playing games with you. So take a year off from dating anyone, and get help, and if in a year you still feel the same and him to, then reconnect, and if he really likes you, he will wait for you to heal, and he will have way more respect for you. Do the right thing, this is your life, you only get one shot at life, so make the best of it, and get yourself together before giving only half of what ya got to a new relationship.
2007-11-13 01:48:11 · answer #6 · answered by penelope 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No it is not too early - You should feel very happy not guilt - to be out of a marriage like that. You deservse to be whole again and feel alive - your marriage was over when he started abusing you. Now your free from his angry -be happy and don't waste anyone energy on your ex -
2007-11-13 02:40:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK Mrs. Christian, on your last post you were so afraid to leave thinking GOD may curse you. But yet you are seeing another man when you are still married. OK stop playing around, you know you are not a serious Christian, you know what you doing is wrong. And you seriously need to wake up and smell the hypocrisy. Of course he is going to tell you that it is wrong, bc he wants you. Yes, its wrong bc seperated doesn't=single! But do you, do whatever makes you happy. But don't pretend your so worried about what the bible says to gain approval, own your actions and be happy with them or make different choices!!!!
(FROWN)
2007-11-13 01:34:11 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs.G-unit 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you wait till your divorce is over with before starting a new relationship, you need time to heal. Close one door before opening up another.
I'm at the tail end of my divorce of 31 years, there's no one in the wings but I need to heal, so do you.
2007-11-13 01:38:15 · answer #9 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is an ongoing debate between my mother and I. She believes that it is okay to start a new relationship before the divorce if a couple is separated. My opinion is that you are "married" until you are divorced. In other words, you are bond to your "promise to forsake all others" until you are legally free. This has two advantages, being free gives one the freedom to marry again ASAP; and, two, you are doing right by the Lord. It's all relevant.
2007-11-13 01:37:05 · answer #10 · answered by Sherry P 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋