snooping habit?

Question

I have a horrible habit of snooping on my husband via the internet..I constantly search his screenames and email addresses thru search engines I have no reasons to do this to him..I have never found anything bad but I continue to do this.. I have read that the only way to stop this is to just STOP, but I get this strange kind of anxiety if I dont check or.. Prior to my marraige to him, I caught my ex cheating on the internet which is probably why I have this insecurity,.. I sure this has alot to do with my insecurity.. I dont want to do this anymore.. He doesnt deserve it..Any suggestions??

Answer 1

You're getting a "fix" by snooping (much like a drug addict gets a fix with drugs). Every time you snoop and don't find anything, it reassures you that you're husband is not cheating. However, this is a bad way to get a fix. If he were going to cheat online, there are so many ways he could do it that it's doubtful that you'd find it by snooping unless you're really savvy or he's really dumb.
More importantly, you've got trust issues that are not resolved. You had an ex cheat on the internet, and you were probably blindsided by it and blown away that it could even happen that way. But it sounds like you never really resolved that issue and worked through it, and you entered in to this marriage with that issue in your baggage compartment. Now, it keeps popping up.

You must stop snooping on your husband RIGHT NOW. If you can't do it, then you need to tell him, and ask him to change his passwords, etc., so that you CAN'T snoop on him. As long as you're snooping it's going to poison your marriage in ways you can't imagine. He's coming to you from a vantage point of honesty and trust, and you're coming to him from a vantage point of insecurity and a lack of trust. This affects how you talk to him, touch him ... it affects every interaction you have.

I recommend counseling to deal with the trust issues you have. But I will also tell you that feelings come second, choices come first. If you decide in your mind that you trust your husband and he's not cheating, and then force yourself to act as if you believe that, eventually you WILL believe that and it will come naturally, and you will no longer have the desire to snoop. It won't come easily, but I've heard that it only takes a few weeks to form a new habit, so keep trying.

Best wishes to you.

Answer 2

I think you answered your own question. The reason you feel the need to snoop on him is because you were hurt in the past by dishonesty. I completely understand. And while snooping may seem wrong & childish it is your way of acting out on your insecurities. He is NOT your ex and you have got to learn to trust him. Fess up to him and tell him about your problem. Or if you think this would damage your relationship then go seek counceling or at best a good book on learning to trust again. It's hard once you've been in a relationship where infidelity has been involved. Trust me, I know.
Be strong and try to find something else to do when you feel the urge to sneek around online!
Good luck!!

Answer 3

I have been cheated on by every serious bf I've ever had due to my lack of judgement with men in the past. I have single handedly caught EVERY ONE of them by snooping. I gave each many opportunities to tell me the truth and they all lied so instead of being made a fool of I decided to stand up and refuse to let them continue to lie. While I am not proud of doing it, I am proud that I realized I deserved the truth.
That said, if you've never found anything and don't have any gut instincts you need to stop. Your husband is NOT your ex. It is not fair to him or to your realtionship to let your past experiences affect your happiness now. There are good men out there and if you feel that your husband is one of them let your worries go and refuse to give in to your temptations to check up. If he does find out it will be a big step backwards because he will feel that you don't trust him..and really he may feel that there is nothing he CAN do to earn your trust if you're snooping for no good reason. That, or you can somehow get him to change all of his passwords so that the temptation is eliminated...

Answer 4

Instead, try this: don't log on. use that time to reflect on paper in a letter to your husband, how he makes you feel secure. How he talks to you and understands your feelings. How he's there for you and respects you.

If those are NOT attributes, then reflect in a letter to him, how he makes you feel insecure. How he doesn't talk to you. How he doesn't seem to care and understand your feelings. How he's not there for you and doesn't show respect. Perhaps he will see his errors and correct them.

Yes it IS his job to do the things that bring you a secure feeling. Just as it is YOUR job to do the things that bring him a secure feeling. If you both are behaving in ways that support security and yet do not feel secure; you'll both need counseling to retrieve the mental tools to work out the insecurities that phantom your feelings despite circumstances of security.

Answer 5

I know its hard to trust when you've been hurt so much. You just have to keep telling yourself that this guy isn't ur ex. He's someone else who loves you and who isn't going to do the same things to you that your ex did. I too have major trust issues. You just have to tell yourself that you need to stop, you haven't found anything and you probably won't.

Answer 6

thats is understandable why you are acting like that. you truly have to ask the support and love of your husband. let him know what happened to you before and let him assure you that youre the only one for him. if you cant open up to him, then maybe try to go to a psychologist to get over with the cheating of your ex. its bad that its still haunting you till now and is affecting yoru current relationship. its so unfair to your husband.

Answer 7

hey, possibly she has a profession only before her as a private eye. it somewhat is organic to choose for to look at pass-examine human beings on occasion yet too plenty and it gets creepy. No password is unbreakable yet once you %. one that is imprecise adequate or perhaps greater beneficial a random selection of letters and numbers it might desire to be surprisingly problematic except she is a few form of evil cryptographer or some thing. possibly you're able to desire to characterize to her pals that they alter their passwords. on the different hand possibly you're able to desire to coach her a lesson by using writing some thing truly strange or worrying approximately her in an digital mail to somebody else that she regularly does no longer examine. The intellligence amenities call this "disinformation" and on occasion in case you comprehend they are spying on you you need to apply it to your earnings.

Answer 8

Just take it slowly , like quiting any addiction and set goals for yourself like

I will not search his Internet log ins for one whole day , then give yourself a reward.,.....

Then a week....reward

then a month.....reward

and so on,

just an idea, hope it works, good luck to you, I am just trying to help, because i know that you did not ask people to tell you what a horrible person you are....you asked for suggestions on stopping yourself from doing this behavior

Answer 9

If you keep thinking he is cheating then you eventually express it in other ways, which will push him to cheat. If I am being blamed for something then i might as well do it.

Answer 10

You're too immature to be married if you think using your cheating ex as an excuse to not trust your current husband justifies your behavior. If you don't trust him, why did you marry him?