Im a victim of his abuse. When I was young he used to beat me, kick me or slap me. There was this one time, i confronted him, he said he beat me for I have done a mistake. But I think its not proper. Now, that Im already 23. No more beatings, but we dont have this father-daughter bond. He said he doesn't like talking to me. He underestimates me, he would always say Im dumb. I am nonsense to talk to. Im good at nothing. My sister is better. I dont feel like talking to him too, his face reminds me of his beating. I always avoid him, does it make me a bad daughter?
2007-11-12 23:24:01 · 21 answers · asked by Scarlet 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
no ur not a bad daughter ur dad is just an asshole
2007-11-12 23:27:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A bad daughter would be somebody who beats their dad.
It sounds like you have... a quite insecure father. I understand, because I went through some very similar circumstances as a child. But I was one of four children to be victims of his alcoholic wrath. -- He never belittled us, as much as over-smothering us with so-called love, in the form of control issues. (Lord, I'd hate to think what he did to your mom!)
Anyway, everybody's right. You are not a bad daughter. I believe more than anything, you wished long and hard for that father-daughter bond that many of us longed for-- but did not get. Some women try to find that in a spouse or boyfriend, and then become disappointed when they don't meet our expectations.
Know that your Father in Heaven loves you. And the only person you can change is yourself. Hearing what your father does to you, would make me want to lash back out at him. But I've learned that does no good. I can say, however, you do not need to be a doormat to such abuse. If you asked him what you could do to be a better daughter, what do you think he would say? If it would be a derogatory statement, perhaps just tell him, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I still love you, dad. Then walk away, or say "I've gotta go" if you're on the phone, and just hang up.
I've been discussing my own feelings. Now, I should pray that God will give you the words to say, next time you need to talk with your father. And may the Lord soften his heart, so that he might see himself in the mirror. Amen.
GOD BLESS YOU, SCARLET!
2007-11-13 01:26:57 · answer #2 · answered by C Sunshine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not 'bad' to hate a man who had abused you when you didn't have the means to fight back, even if he is your father. Hate is an emotion, and it is as natural as love. Some things cannot be forgotten, however hard you try.
But neither is it true that you should devote your life towards hating him. You are an adult, and you should try and move on with your life and leave the bad memories behind. Life and time will make you forget, never fear... if not forgive.
One thing remains, though. From your tone it seems he favoured your sister over you, and sometimes that may be a misperception, a sibling rivalry. I doubt it though, for no father who loved his daughter would use those terms with his daughter. If your sister is estranged from you too due to this, you should mend your fences. There's no reason to make your father's insensitivity the driving force behind all your relationships. I strongly suggest you consult a counselor.
Good luck.
2007-11-12 23:41:39 · answer #3 · answered by Deep B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so very sorry your father beat you and abused you. You deserve better. What an sob HE WAS. AND STILL IS. But don't hate him it will eat you alive!!!! Just forget about him, cause in the end God will win & punish him but good. God will handle it for you. You need to say this to your self I am worth something I'm great I am stronger than ever. I might be a victim but he didn't kill me. I am a better person. you won and you are a winner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! good luck to you in the future. and to your question your not a bad daughter your a wonderful beautiful daughter and person.
2007-11-13 06:27:41 · answer #4 · answered by jennajade 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a victim of a father who mentally and sexually abused me I would say you are the intelligent and a very good daughter. The reason why you are a good daughter is you have survived physical abuse and still wonder if you are a good daughter. That says to me you would love nothing better to have a normal relationship with a good father and have him appreciate you for the good person that you truly are. You are that good person right now. You unfortunately have been a victim of a sick man. Your father is sick. He is as sick as your friends father that maybe has a heart condition or diabetes. He is the same. The difference is he is mentally ill. Your father is sick. Say it. Its not your fault. You need to look at him without speaking and say "I do not need his approval, he is sick, how can I get a healthy approval from a very sick individual?" You cant. You can never get the right treatment from this very sick man. You do not need to have much to do with him. Let it go. Get some counselling to help you get over the horrible pain. You are a good daughter. You need a giant hug and to know you are a wonderful person. I bet you are a great young woman. Let it go. Close your eyes and let it go. Let love for yourself and for others take you over. Do this ritual every morning. Say you love yourself and forgive him for his crazy abusive ways. You will never forget and you shouldnt, but forgive him as he is ill. One day when you are strong you need to tell him. You need to say "you are a sick man, I forgive you because my heart needs to forgive, I need to forgive you because I need to do so for my spiritual advancement" Do it and you will be set free. We do not chose our parents. But this occurence has made you a better person for it.
2007-11-12 23:33:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
not every Father and Daughter have a good relation ship. I can talk to my dad (mostly about the My children) but we do not have any kind of a relationship.
So if it make you a bad Daughter then I'm one too.
2007-11-12 23:38:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No not at all - what a poor parent your father is-pity him,
Be stronger than him and he will eventually repect you-
Look him in the eye and ask WHY ? be strong enough to do that and you will see answers.
We are all good at somthing -dont underestimate yourself- you obviously have a strong will - use that to your advantage-good luck and love xxxxx
2007-11-12 23:30:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ur not a bad daughter, your fathers a bad dad plus a asshole
2007-11-12 23:37:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have a right to feel the way you do. I would suggest that you move out of his life before this thing gets deadly and you guys end up on the news. Sounds like a lot of tension is there between the two of you. Please move out of the house before this gets deadly. And it just ain't worth it. Move on.
2007-11-12 23:29:59 · answer #9 · answered by e j 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, if my dad was like yours, i would have strangled him. you have every right to not like him, unless he appologizez in som great way. if he truly feels sorry for how he has misstreated you, then thats another story. but untill then, remain at a standstill in your relationship. he may still be dangerous. there is even a hotline for abuse victims. hope u get the right answer...
2007-11-12 23:29:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
nope not at all. i was sexually abused by my father and no matter how hard i tried to reconnect our father daughter bond he always had something better to do... so no it doesnt make you a bad daughter
2007-11-12 23:38:23 · answer #11 · answered by eyesicyblue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋