My son will not pee at school or in public?

Question

My 8 year old son will not pee at school and holds it all day. Today when I picked him up I had to get some shopping done. We live 20 minutes from town so going home first would have been unreasable. After about an hour he started crying saying he had to go bad. I took him to the bathroom, but he refused to go saying it will not come out. I finished up the shopping and took him home which took another hour. On the ride back he was in horrible pain. I asked him when was the last time he went and he said when he woke up at 7:00 am! When we got home at 5:30 he peed for a minute and a half. I asked him why he will not go away from home and he says he just can not get it to come out. So it looks like he has a shy bladder. Anyone elses kids hold it all day. Have you ever had an issue with them going in public. I always thought he just had a big bladder since he never had to go. The poor thing has been walking around with a full bladder all those times.

Any advise on what I should do.

I think this started in the last two years.

Answer 1

I had that same problem when I was little, as does my daughter now. She has a very shy bladder, and has somehow convinced herself that "going pee" is dirty and embarrasing (omg..someone could HEAR me pee and associate me with *tinkle sound*). Its also a matter of being in one's "comfort zone." Maybe she just doesn't feel "safe" in school, or in public (regardless of whether or not you're there with her to assure her that its ok.) You should sit your son down and have a nice..non-threatening chat with him (believe me..even the best intentions can come across as "mommy's yelling at me!" to a child). Perhaps your son's father can take him out with him, and when your son has to go..his father can go with him and they can go togher (sounds weird, but that was the only thing that worked for my daughter). If your son observes his dad going "without a care in the world", it could reassure him that going in public is "no big deal", and "nobody cares what he's doing..they're just in the bathroom to go pee,too." I hope this is of some help to you!

Answer 2

For boys it can only be a pee shy thing, since the clean toilet issue doesn't apply to them. I think that many moms these days are guilty of being to strict when it comes to pottie training boys. Years ago boys urinated outdoors as much as indoors and from the very beginning became comfortable peeing on a tree, ect. Using a urinal in a mens room wasn't an issue, since friends and family had often seen them outside. I'm guessing he wouldn't be comfortable peeing outdoors either, so too late for that. At this point you might try "accidentally" walking in on him in places where he is comfortably peeing and act completely nonchalant about it, like there's nothing to hide. Once you've done that a dozen times and he's become somewhat comfortable peeing around someone he trusts most, I'd begin offering him alternatives to the restroom, by saying: "you know, when your in the yard you could pee behind the garage if you want" or in the city, "need to find a mens room or could you just step into the alley". It may sound crude, but he may be more comfortable in the alley than in a crowded mens room and once boys have begun urinating outdoors, beleive me they will quickly become bolder about where they go. The key is, he's not comfortable peeing around others and the only way he will become comfortable is for you or other family members to show him there's no shame in others seeing you pee and that boys especially don't need the privacy of a toilet stall, when a urinal or even the side of a building is fine. Relax your rules!

Answer 3

I had the same problem with my son a few years back. He still has the issue if there are a bunch of people in the restroom, but can go now if not.

I told him I was not going to drive all the way home every time he has to go this included going out after school. I also told him if he ended up peeing his pants he would get punished. One time we went to the mall, out to eat and then grocery shopping after picking him up from school. I told him he could go anytime he wanted to, but he kept begging me to go home. Finally at the grocery store he went at 6:30 pm almost 12 hours after his last pee. I praised him for going. I know it sounds mean, but you have to address it now. He can not go through his life like this. Some people may say he needs help, but in the end only he can overcome this. Some relaxation techniques might help. Don't stand over him either or even go in the restroom with him.

Answer 4

It's not at all unusual for a boy (or even a man) to have trouble going to the toilet in the "latrines" that are always in mens toilets for some reason. You know, where you have to stand right next to somebody else or expect somebody else to stand next to you at any moment. Maybe that is his issue (I admit, I'm the same). If this is the case, maybe he should use the "closet" type toilets - there are usually one or two in a mens restroom. Heaven knows who thought of the latrine design! Whoever it was had to be an exhibitionist of some sort! By the way, my son (he's 8) has the same kind of trouble.

Answer 5

my son is like that(he's 11) but only because when i broke my back he went to live with his nana and papa and they brainwashed him into thinking going in public is nasty. My son won't go at school for any reason. The second he gets home he is on the toilet for 45 minutes going poo and pee.
I tell him all the time, they clean the bathrooms everyday they are not dirty and you should go if you have to. He'll pee outside in the summer but won't use any form of a public bathroom cause he thinks theres germs, like there aren't any germs outside?!?!

Answer 6

I wouldn't say its common but I wouldn't ever say its unusual.

Tell him to calm himself. If its an issue dealing with muscle, then the real issue is that he is tense and needs to relax. When he is out of his environment or his bubble (Safety zone/comfort zone what ever word you want) then he is uncomfortable. This cuasses stress. Stress IS linked to physical problems (trust me on that) and because he is stressed about going to the bathroom his muscles tense up.

in conclusion, tell him to think of happy thoughts, when he is alone, have him close his eyes, and think of things he cares about, or even think about as if he were home going to the bath room.

This is most likely what I think it is... So I hope this works.

Answer 7

Let him drink more water to make the human waste watery so that it will easily move out from his stomach

Answer 8

My daughter doesn't pee at school either.When i pick her up we have to run home so she doesn't pee her pants.Shes only four but its starting to drive me nuts.

Answer 9

mabey you can ask his dr. he could develope a weak kidney by holding it that long.

Answer 10

my youngest son is like that all hes life he is 20 now and still like that