MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE 3 KIDS,WE WERE ALL VERY CLOSE.I STOOD BY MY MOTHER IN LAWS SIDE.WITHIN 3 MONTHS SHE STARTED DATING SOMEONE.SHE IS STILL WITH HIM,SHE SPENDS NO TIME WITH THE GRANDKIDS AND NONE OF US TALK TO HER MUCH.I DONT LIKE HER BF,HE IS A NICE GUY,I DREAD XMAS AND THANKSGIVING CAUSE I DONT WANT TO BE ASKED TO GO THERE.SHE STILL HAS HER OWN PLACE BUT STAYS WITH HIM PRETTY MUCH FULLTIME.IS IT WRONG FOR ME TO NOT EXCEPT HIM AND FEEL HATE TOWARDS HIM.HONESTLY I DONT THINK I WILL EVER BE READY FOR HIM.IT MAKES ME MAD SHE SPENDS NO TIME WITH HER GRANDKIDS.I FEEL BAD FOR MY HUSBAND TO IT IS HIS MOTHER.HE SAYS ITS HER LOSS,HE DOESNT SAY MUCH.
2007-11-12 17:56:44 · 4 answers · asked by Michelle C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Perhaps your MIL is lonely and doesn't want to burden you and your husband with her problems... Maybe she likes to have someone to talk to... that's her own age and understands the loss of a spouse.
Frankly, you need to suck it up... You don't get a say in this. She does. It's her life and she's trying to cope with her loss the best she can. Maybe that means she leans on someone else for some help. Maybe she just moves on with someone else. It happens...
The only reason you should have a say is if the guy is like half her age and is only there for the estate once she passes on... In other words, her man is a golddigger. But since you don't mention this situation at all here, I doubt it applys in this case...
2007-11-12 18:07:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People deal with grief in many ways, if it was my mother I would be very hurt for sure, but maybe
she is just trying to make the pain go away and this is her way of doing it. If you and her were very
close before, then you both must care for each other, I myself don't know what I would do in your shoes, but I if I could I would just go to the holiday
dinners and just be polite to both of them. Give it some time she may figure out that she jumped too
quick and I would'nt want to burn a bridge too early. Lots of Luck.
2007-11-12 18:21:29 · answer #2 · answered by Bindy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the MIL was pretty lonely in the marriage... or perhaps just didn't want to be left alone.
All I can suggest is that she absolutely gets a "pre-nup" before she either lets him move in or marries him.
In the older crowd, it is common that they are either looking for a nurse or a purse... a woman to be a live-in nurse, or a widow-woman whose estate they can plunder.
Your husband needs to discuss this with her... basically because if she needs to go into a nursing home, she will need to liquidate her estate to get into a good one.
2007-11-12 18:29:55 · answer #3 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with you husband.
and your mother in law is a mature woman i believe.
the best thing you can do for your kids to see their grandmother is to call her and arrange t meet with her.
i don't think she'll say no.
even if she says no don't force her you a the best mom your kids can ever ask for.
2007-11-12 18:18:17 · answer #4 · answered by doctor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋