What should i do with my dad?

Question

I am not sure if this is the right place to be. Im 19 and mother left us a few years ago for some man. After she left, my dad has been in a deep depression, he would be drinking every night. I always have to take care of everything, i feel like his mother. All he does is work and go to the bar or come home drunk, i have to drive him home from the bar sometimes because he would be too drunk, sometimes my bf was nice enough to drive him home when i'm busy working. i am tired of taking care of him. He won't leave the past, he was doing poorly on his job and got fired a year ago, i've been working 2 jobs ever since. I cant stand it anymore! I am thinking of leaving him alone and moving in with my bf and i know for sure he will lose the house, instead maybe kick him out of the house. Grandparents are no longer living, i need to do something! please help!

Answer 1

i think you should talk to your dad about his problems..your mother's leaving has left him depressed and he cant find it in his heart to forget her or move on....your father needs you more than ever...i know you are having a difficult time but maybe you can help him get over his pain...talk to him...seek medical help for his depression and you might want to enrol him in AA to help him get over his drinking problem...

good luck...hope things work out for you...

Answer 2

I am very sorry about your situation.
You need to get your dad to snap out of it.
Talk to him and tell him to go get into an alcohol treatment program or you will leave... period. It will take that kind of "shock" to wake him up. Don't fall for any attempts to guilt you into continuing as you have.

Right now, you are an "enabler"... someone he will use (and use-up) so he can continue feeding his addiction. You gotta stop that.
You cannot work 2 jobs indefinitely and it will certainly take its toll on your health.
Chances are, your quality of life will improve greatly if you move out into a tiny garage apartment and drop one job, and perhaps start going to college.
I don't recommend moving in with your BF unless it really is an emergency. Better to go into that relationship as a strong equal rather than someone he feels he is rescuing.

Call the local United Way Agencies to see what kind of help they can get for him and have that information available for him when you sit him down for this talk.

Answer 3

First, this sucks... Your mother didn't just leave him, it sounds like she left you too. I'm sorry for your loss. However, now you've inherited the results of your mother leaving.

Ultimately, he's your dad... You need to try to get him help. But at the same time, he sadly may not want help... It sounds as if he's trying to drink his way out of his problems. We both know, it won't work. Unfortunately, he probably doesn't.

However, please remember you can only do so much. You didn't marry or divorce this man. You are his daughter. You should be going to school. You should be dating. You should be looking out for yourself. It's OK to be selfish at times. You need to start your own life soon...

Answer 4

never give-up, never-up. do you know the song? it just came in my mind.

you need to tell your dad how you feel and what you are planning to do, because of his bahaviour.
convince him to see a psychologist or talk to one of your relatives to talk to him.

don't give him money and just provide food. tell him you are gonna eave him if he doesn't change.

if you have a close relationship with him. try to show him that he needs to move on. and do things with him together so that he doesn't have time to go drink.

and most importantly pray for god answers prayer.
as for your bf he needs to marry you before you can move in with him.
imagine you leave your dad and he looses the house and thing get ugly between you and your bf, where will you go.

you also need to see a psychologist

Answer 5

Sit him down when he is sober. Tell him, "Dad, I know mom hurt you, but now you are hurting me." Tell him you cannot live like this any longer. Tell him you love him, and want to help him, but he also needs to help himself. Ask him to attend AA meetings or see a counselor. If he won't do it, maybe it's time for you to move on and let him see how much he really needs you.

Answer 6

Hi Gina,

I think this is what you need to do. You need to go with him to family counseling. He won't go alone. But if he knows he is hurting you too he might go with you. In any event, you need to remind him that even though he isn't married anymore and you are older......you still need him. I think you need to tell him this and I think he needs to hear this.