20 years old and a &%#$#@ unreasonable curfew?

Question

This afternoon, i left home at 2:30PM to go to my school's library and studied there till 9:15PM. It usually takes me 1 hr to get home so i came home at 10:30PM. I need to take the subway and bus to get home. On the bus, my mom called then i told her that i was on my way home. My grandma, mom, and uncle were in the living room: . And just when i %$@# opened the door and said: "Hello grandma." (It's to show respect to elders):
Mom: "Why the hell are you home so late?"
Me: "I went to the school's library to study. I have a test tomorrow. I can't study at home!"
Grandma: "What? WHy can't you study at home?"
Mom: "She said she has a test tomorrow. Maybe there's some books in the library that she needed to look at."
Uncle: "Why didn't you go there in the morning and leave early?"
Me: said nothing and went into my room...cried with no sound for 2 mins!!!
Mom: "Why are you so stubborn?" (i came home at 10:30PM on Fri from library)
I ran to the washroom and cried for a solid 20 mins. :

I'm a super good girl, turned 20 in September, doing absolutely no drugs...In fact i'm kind of a nerd. I'm not into drinking and clubbing...I've never done anything that embarrassed my family!!! Abs. nothing!

GRRRRR i hate my life. Pardon my language. We're Asians by the way. :(.

I'm a 2nd year university student. I just cant ******* stand being at home!!!

Answer 1

move out silly!!!

Answer 2

Yeah, that is unreasonable. Show your parents the brochure for your university library. The brochure should have the hours that the library is open. (even the website should have it). Tell them that the reason the library is open that late is because students are supposed to study there. Also, tell them that your professors encourage you all the time to study at the library and not at home where there are distractions.

You are 20 years old, almost 21 and almost a college graduate. Deal with it for another year or so and move out :) Don't despair - you will have many, many years on your own without your family "hounding" you...and then you'll actually miss it :)

Answer 3

Seriously, WHY CARE!?

You need to sit down and have a think about the difference between good and bad. Studying at the library - good. Doing drugs - Bad.

If they say why weren't you home, just say - because I was studying. If they take in any further just tell them they are being ridiculous and walk away.

I've realised you can NOT let your family put one over on you! You are 20 years old and can do what you please.

The best thing would be for you to move out!

Why cry about something like that.

Answer 4

I think some of the responders may not understand your situation. I am Asian too...and I know that sometimes Asian families can be overprotective. Also, living at home may be due to financial reasons and its not wrong to live at home at 20...especially if you live close to campus.

Your family is being unreasonable. Just tell them exactly what you told us. You are studying..you are not partying..and you aren't doing drugs or doing anything bad. It's the truth. Also, you can tell them you just lost track of time at the library.

If this doesn't work, try to live near campus with a friend. Maybe you can room with a buddy. You might have to get an on-campus job..but it may be worth it since your family is pestering you.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Wow. 20 and still living at hone, huh? Rotten deal. But, good for you. Good 'cos you don't have any major overhead. When my daughter turned 18 she announced she didn't hafta listen to me anymore. I showed her the door; she took it.
Your family's lucky that you're a good "kid", but 20 is a bit old for them to be treating you like they do. However, I imagine they have their rules and they probably expect you to go by them. Maybe you could try to leave where you are sooner so you can get home a bit earlier. Also, you might want to run it by someone before you leave and let them know you'll be running late. It sounds as if they worry. You've got quite a distance to get home.
Also, you're living at home is probably an Asian issue in that your family probably considers it "normal" for different generations to live together.
Until you finish school, get a well-paying job and find a place of your own, you might just hafta put up with it.
Consider yourself lucky. America has a lot of run-aways for a reason. ;)

Answer 6

It's called growing up sweetie. You want to be independent but living with your parents, they are always going to treat you like a child, because that's what you are to them. Even at 20, their eyes see their little baby girl and they want to protect her by knowing her every move and determining your coming and going. Try to talk to her and come to a mutual agreement that at the very least, you are not in high school any more and wish to be treated a little more grown up. Maybe she will relent and see that she is being too harsh. And you try to understand and compromise a little too. Working together will make it easier if you have to be in this situation until you get out of school. Congrats on being straight up and living like you should and focusing on your education. You will do fine! Good luck.

Answer 7

ok i understand their concern considering u a girl, its late and u using a subway and all but i also think u little too sensitive....

that would have been the perfect time to get ur point across that perhaps the house is too noisy to study at home get an agreement to let them know exactly when u on the subway

talk don't run away from this problem, sometimes parents needs to mature with u...u know

Answer 8

Sit your mother down and have a heart to heart talk with her. Make her realize how lucky she has it that she has a daughter who is an angel. Tell her horror stories about people you hear about at school that do such bad stuff. Tell her to relax, you are 20 years old and not a baby anmore. If nothing works, can't you get a student loan so you can stay in the dorms at school or something? Good luck!

Answer 9

you may be an adult but you are living under their roof so i say their rules go. 1am really isnt an unfair time and what is there to do in the middle of the night anyways? i used to rebel against my parents rules when i was younger but being a parent now has really opened my eyes and i realize parents were right when they said the things they did. if you are responsible im sure your parents wouldnt mind extending or eliminating your curfew after you sit down and have a mature conversation with them.

Answer 10

Your family still acts as if you were a child, and YOU still act as if you were a child too! I mean, the way you cry and get upset at what the older folks say. I understand, of course, I used to be 20 too.
You could, if you wanted to, move out and get a job and support yourself. You wouldn't have the family hassle, but you would have other hassles. You get to pick.
Try to imagine how you would react if one of your friends talked to you the way your family did. You would be much more confident. "I was studying in the library." "It's just easier for me to study there." "It was just easier to go in the evening." "I'm sorry, I just needed to study, did you need my help with something? We'll work out a schedule that both of us can live with." Polite and businesslike. You don't need to argue with them; they can't criticize your desire to study, can they?
But if it's really too annoying, you don't have to live with them. You can politely tell them that the proper time has come for you to live independently, that you love them and appreciate all they've done for you, and you hope to see them often.

Answer 11

Try asking them for a better curfew,I mean you haven't done anything that broke the law.You should be able to any way you're 20 YEARS OLD! If that doesn't work then re-arrange your schedule.