He got a call at work from him sister ..we havent spoken to the family in almost 3 years. His Son has refused to see him since we got married (18) and tonight when my husband came home I said you have to call. So he called the houst where his son lives and some woman answered the phone claiming to be a friend of the X and she said if we do come to the funeral DO NOT BRING YOUR WIFE..well first off I wouldnt want to go but to be there for the Justin. I just feeling really sad right now.....please i need encouragement...this woman would not let us talk to Justin or his current step father should we call backl maybe tomorrow. I have never had bad relationship with the current step father. I tried several times to let the boy know that I wanted him to be apart of our lives..
2007-11-12 14:23:18 · 8 answers · asked by ღOMGღ 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My condolences to all of you... It must be hard not only to be grieving but to have family drama going on. It sounds like you really care for your stepson and worry about what is happening between him and your husband. Forgive my putting my 2 cents in but here it is: I think you should focus on being a shoulder for your husband and grieving with him. Though the family drama includes you, I think there is a lot of emotional stuff going on at the moment. Let your husband go to the funeral by himself especially as his son needs him. Am quite sure your love and care for Justin will come through from your husband to him. You can give your husband a car for him and let him know that if he ever needs you, you'll be there for him. Do not take it personally if he does not respond to you right now (or even respond negatively). There is a lot going on with him, personally and with the family. All you can do is to continue to care and love him and when you get a chance, just let him know that no matter what, you do love him. Take heart and try not to focus on all the negativity going on. Sometimes, adults have so much family drama going on they do not know that it is affecting the children. I'm quite sure Justin would have benefited from having the extra love that comes from you all the years, but put those years behind you and just focus on what is now and in the future. Try not to force it and hopefully, things will turn out alright. My father used to tried to turn me and my siblings against his wife especially after they were divorced. I haven't seen in years but his ex is more like a mother to me know as she has continued to be there for me all these years. She was the mother of the bride at my wedding (my mother passed away over a decade ago) and she is grandma to my children. She just kept loving me and being there for me even when she was no longer married to my father and I didn't like her at first. Anyways, just be patient, be there for your husband and grieve with him, and be ready to be there for Justin when he needs you. And remember, it is okay to feel sad and feel Justin's pain for losing his mother... Please do take good care of yourself and one day, Justin will be appreciative to have another parent-figure who loves him as much as you do.
2007-11-12 14:47:00 · answer #1 · answered by Lady A 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you had an affair with a married man and he left his wife for you. Gee, so you think maybe that's why there is tension surrounding this funeral?
Stay away from the funeral. It is about this woman's life and her passing and NOT about you. If you want 6to be supportive of your husband, be there for him when he gets home but DO NOT show up at a funeral you have no business being at. That is incredibly rude.
The only reason you would insist on being there would be if you wanted his exes family to see that you two were still together. Well, duh, they already know that.
Stay home, let him go pay his respects to the woman who bore his son and be there ready to listen when he gets home.
2007-11-13 00:03:25 · answer #2 · answered by Mimi Di 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
OH - how awful that even in death, animosities will triumph over family. If hubby feels it's right to go to be there for his kids, then by all means - a quiet unintrusive presence at the funeral is OK - but nothing more. Then - from YOU - I would write a very nice and polite letter of condolence to the family from you and just let them know you are sorry for their loss.
Then - let it go. There are too many cooks in the kitchen - everyone trying to tell you how to live and what to do and who to talk to. Living life that way is ridiculous and stressful -so you must be the first to rise above the pettiness without lashing out.
You and your husband are a team. If an olive branch is extended to only one of you, the correct answer is, "I appreciate your reaching out to me, but my wife {husband} and I do things together, so I would not feel comfortable attending without my wife {husband}". Keep it polite and appreciative. The ones losing out are the ones who try to push unreasonable demands on who, what, when and where.
2007-11-12 22:50:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Let hubby go to the funeral alone. This is NOT about you. I assume Justin is the son? Even though you may want to be there for him, apparently he doesn't want you there (and isn't that evident by the fact that he's refused to visit for the last 3 years?). If you're really concerned about Justin, respect his wishes. He needs to be able to grieve for his mother without any extra 'drama'. And hubby needs to be there to show his support for Justin--he is hubby's child (not yours). Don't be selfish. You need to put Justin's needs/wishes above your own.
2007-11-13 00:02:24 · answer #4 · answered by kp 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think your husband should contact the x's husband and extend his support in any way that he can help during this time. You can also send flowers. The most important thing to communicate is your husband's sincere desire to be there for his son. He may not understand now, but he'll appreciate it later.
2007-11-12 22:46:18 · answer #5 · answered by 4Seasons 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is going to the funeral then you should too...Don't let them tell you what to do!!! She has no right to tell you not to come and if she says anything tell her you are there at your husbands side because thats where you belong !!! At the same time be nice because you don't want his son to see any negativity. He will come around , be nice and don't push the issue and when he sees that he will come around , maybe not overnite but hopefully soon...
In the meantime don't let that woman or anyone from her family tell you what to do..You are your own person
2007-11-12 22:59:37 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
just take time to talk it out with the x's friend and explain that you love justin and want to be there for him and whats in the past is in the past and they shouldnt hate you just because their relationship didnt work out
2007-11-12 22:46:22 · answer #7 · answered by dont you know who i think i am? 2 · 1⤊ 4⤋
What?!
2007-11-12 22:46:17 · answer #8 · answered by jessika 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋