Attention Military Brats. Do you resent the fact that your father was gone all the time?

Question

I am in the DEP for USAF and I’ll have a 2 year old girl, and a 1 month old girl when I leave for basic. Are they going to be miserable and resent me when they get older?

Please be honest with me…

How did you feel growing up?
How do you feel now, looking back?

Answer 1

24 public schools, 47 states and 26 countries all by the time I was 18. I even when to 4 different 3rd grades. My dad spent a year in Newfoundland, a year in Japan, and a year in North Alaska. Everywhere else we moved with him. I lived in Long Island NY, Dayton, OH, Baltimore, MD, Rome NY, Biloxi MS, LA CA, Colorado Springs CO, Chicago, IL, Gardena CA, Montegomery AL, Mobile AL, Naples Italy, and a couple of other places. When I joined the Air Force, I lived in San Antonio, TX, Wichita Falls TX, Merced CA, Goldsboro, NC, Rapid City SD, Newport News, VA, Tampa Fl, North Miami FL and Okinawa Japan. I think that is very where I lived except when I went to college in Flint Michigan and Atlanta, GA. I now live in Decatur GA. Until I retired in GA the longest I ever lived in one house was 33 months.

I remember as a kid we lived in a trailer. I would come home from school and say I hated my teacher. Dad would say thats ok because we are moving tomorrow. I learned more geography, history, and national parts then anyone else in the world. I took a course in college about Opera for the GPA. I had been to both the San Carlos Opera House and La Scala, none of the other students had been to an opera. I took a course in art history. My proffessor said Michaelangelo was the best sculpter in history. I told him he was the richest because he used the best marble. The best sculpter was Bernini because his statues were more animated and appeared to be ready to jump from the pedistal.

I loved my life then for all the moving, yes I missed my dad when he was gone but he either wrote every couple of days or when tape recording was available he would send tapes back and forth. Now that I am retired and disabled I miss the travel and the great resturants I ate at all over the world. If a magic thing were to happen and I was starting 1st grade again, and going to three first grades, I would gladly do it all over again. I got more education then books could ever teach you.

Don't worry about it. Today's military doesn't move as much as my dad's did. And it does not move as much as I did when I was on active duty. Just enjoy it and teach your children what a wonderful place this planet is.

Answer 2

Children adapt because they have nothing to compare it to, expecialy with as young as your children are.

I grew up in the military. I moved every three years. I liked it. For military brats, it becomes normal. Its just part of life. Its hard to regret something when you don't know exactly what life is like in the civilian world. In fact today. Thats why a lot of us join the Military ourselves (US Army 12 years so far myself) because when we do see the other side of things, we often don't like it. I still hate being in one place for more then 3-4 years. Even at 34 years old today, it still amazes me that people have never left their hometown before.

When you deploy, there is an adjustment period. The adjustment period is easier for younger kids, harder with teenagers, but then teenagers are harder at everything.

Overall military life is good. Your children will see many things that civilians never get to. We learn a lot more about the world because we see the world as kids, not just reading about it in a school book.

Edit...... Another reason kids adapt to it is that they grow up with other kids in the same situation which also makes it appear normal to them. All of my friends were military brats also, so their father's would leave, and they would move every 3 years or so also. Because of it, I have friends all over the world even today.

Answer 3

They will understand that you were doing your job a little later in life. My dad was (now retired) US Army and about the time I was 8 or so, I realized he had a pretty important job serving his country. I don't think they will resent you as long as you are there for them when they need you the most.

Answer 4

At that age.....she'll get over it. Seriously. As a Brat, I saw my dad as much as civilian kids did. Their dad's were off doing travel jobs, so was my dad.
I've never spent a single day resenting my Daddy. It was our life. It was just the way it was. Them kids are young enough, when someone asks them, they'll just shrug their shoulders and say it's normal for them. ......Especially when they know that their daddy loves them and spoils them silly when he comes home. :)

And just an FYI: you're not gone ALL the time! lol... :)

Answer 5

They won't resent you at all.

Children adapt easily to the lifestyle; I was born into the lifestyle. I had to adapt to a civilian lifestyle when my father retired.

I got to live places that most kids don't get to. It was a good life.

Answer 6

I didn't resent him gone all the time. What I DID resent was changing schools every couple of years.

Answer 7

Listen to William B, above.

Is the mother of your children supportive and independent? She will be the one instilling upon the kids how proud of what you do for your country and your family.

Answer 8

They will miss you and be upset some time while growing up. You may also be resented...but you will always be loved. When they grow up they will understand. I'm proud of my father.

Answer 9

I didn't think about it at all, I thought everybody's dad did that.

All in all, I don't think he was gone that much compared to some civilian dads who travel for work.