Catholic/Pentecostal wedding?

Question

I am pentecostal and my fiance is catholic. We are both grew up in church but do not attend regularly, but our families do. What can we do to satisfy both parties as well as ourselves and still make it a religious ceremony. From traditions to ideas about the mass/church ceremony... Any input would help.

Answer 1

Make the day your own in whatever way you see fit. Then find a celebrant who supports your wishes and will help you include them in the liturgy. Your family should be supportive of you, and where they are not, your wishes should come out on top.

My wife and I married in a Catholic Church, and we deeply believe in the theology surrounding marriage, so it was a very good fit for us. We included some of our own "traditions" (lighting candles in rememberance of the deceased, planting flowers for the living who could not be there with us, and praying for them in the intercessions), and excluded some as well (singing the Ave Maria, since neither of us feels a strong devotion to Mary, although our grandparents do). There were also some non-religious things we did because we wanted our day to reflect them:
* My parents and stepparents walked me down
* We had the attendants wear their best black suits and dresses, rather than force them to buy or rent dresses or tuxes. Also, the bride's white dress really stood out.
* Groomsmen came in with the groom. Bridesmaids walked in alone (they don't an escort to show their merit).

If you are spiritual (even if you don't attend church), you may want to make sure that certain Scripture readings are definitely used. Celebrants can be very flexible on this, or they may insist you pick readings from a list (Catholics do this because many Catholics don't read enough Scripture to know what readings would be good), or they may simply choose the readings themselves. I stood up in an evangelical wedding once where the minister simply read about two dozen passages and pronounced them man and wife. I don't think the bride was exactly thrilled (especially since she was a Bible Study leader at our college), but she felt she had to defer to him.

For the homily or sermon, make sure you take time to let your celebrant know the two of you. We took our priest out to dinner a couple of times and really got to know him. His sermon was wonderful, simply beautiful. At one point, he looked at us with tears in his eyes. He was really moved by the beauty of the day.

Have those close to you help out as you'd like them to. My wife picked five bridesmaids, I had four groomsmen (interestingly, a Methodist, an Evangelical, a Presbyterian, and a Jew). I picked a friend who converted from Catholic to Evangelical to read one reading (interestingly, from the Book of Tobit; she chuckled when I asked, since she considers it apocryphal). My wife's friend (actually ex-boyfriend) read another reading (it's not wierd - I read at his and his wife's wedding, too).

If you want to include non-Scriptural readings, too, make sure you clear it up ahead of time. At Catholic Mass, there is an order followed - OT, Psalm, NT, Gospel, with little variation. But I've seen bridesmaids read a sonnet inplace of the Psalm. I've also heard non-sacred music used in the liturgy; at my cousin's wedding, the processional (entrance hymn) was replaced by Pat Benatar's "We belong to the night," and I think of them every time I hear it.

Some of the coolest "traditions" I've seen were from a buddy's wedding this summer. Beforehand, the groomsmen gathered in a side chamber and prayed the Our Father, then we each put our hands on the groom's shoulders and prayed out loud for him and his bride. Traditional music was used, but sung by a folk singer (I see "One Bread, One Body" in a whole new light now).

Remember that sacred music goes back millenia. Look to recordings by Lisa Gerrard, The Anonymous 4, and Dead Can Dance to find celebratory music from the Medieval ages, if you like. There's little to match the beauty of a plainsong hymn. If I had the CD at the time of our wedding, I probably would have included a 6th century Galician cantata by Lisa Gerrard, perhaps as an offertory.

Anyway, have fun, and congratulations!

Answer 2

The first thing you should do is to figure out what you each believe, where the similarities lie and what faith tradition will encourage each of you to grow in your faithfulness to God. Then you can set up your wedding plans in that church.

Having been pentecostal and converted to Catholicism, I personally believe that Catholicism would satisfy both of you. You can read "What Catholics REALLY Believe" and probably should because I've never met a pentecostal who didn't have all sorts of misconceptions about Catholicism. You will find that Catholicism is very biblical and holy.

When you've got that settled, whichever way you go, you'll just have to plan a wedding that suits you and your fiance. You likely will not be able to satisfy both families, as Catholics insist on Catholic marriages (which are way, way, way cool because marriage is a Sacrament in the Catholic Church), while most pentecostals think Catholics aren't Christian at all.

My husband and I were both pentecostal when we married. Now that I have attended Catholic weddings, our pentecostal marriage ceremony was completely lame and did not adequately reflect the gravity of the vows that we took that day. I so want to renew our vows in the Catholic Church, and hopefully we will for our 15th anniversary.

You should take instruction to be married either way. Our pentecostal church offered pretty good training as the senior associate pastor actually had a master's degree in family counseling, but the Catholic preparation sound more comprehensive to me.

Answer 3

I am a pentacostal that married a Catholic as well. There isn't a lot of happy medium to the two forms of worship. Catholics are very tradition and ritual oriented and Pentecostal is just the opposite. I don't see how you can possibly please everyone. They couldn't be any further apart.
My husbands family was horrified because the church we got married in didn't have pews! So you see what you're up against....

Tradition holds that you marry in the woman's church. If you don't have one that you attend regularly, find a non-denominational church that you are both comfortable in and get married there. Or opt for an outside wedding somewhere by a J.P. or non-denominational pastor.

We ended up getting married in my church and then 13 years later, we renewed our vows in the Catholic church. I figured since the first time around we got married in my church, I'd let my husband pick the 2nd time. He wanted to do it in the Catholic church so his family would be please....at that point it was fine with me. It was a lovely ceremony and I'm glad we did it. His little italian aunts were pleased as punch that we were finally married in a "real" church. Hey, after 13 years, I really didn't care at that point :)

If you decide to marry in a non-Catholic church, you can get the marriage "blessed"by a priest later on and then the Catholic church will acknowledge it. That might make your fiance's family feel better.

If you decided to marry in the Catholic church, ask around. Rules vary a great deal from parish to parish. Some churches give you almost free reign. Others are very strict. Find one that give you a little latitude with the ceremony. If you're a non-Catholic, you need to be able to prove that you were baptized before most priests will marry you. Also, if you're a non-catholic, you may not be able to have a full "mass". You'll get the ceremony but no communion. Also, some churches will require that your maid of honor and best man must be confirmed Catholic. Others just require that they are baptized. It varies a lot.

Remember, it's YOUR wedding, not theirs. Don't even TRY to please anyone but yourselves. Certainly you want to be respectful of everyone's feelings but ultimately, you are the ones walking down the isle and making the memories.

I am curious though...if you don't attend church, why even bother with the church wedding? If it's not important to you, why bother?

Answer 4

Sorry, but you might not be about to satisfy both families on this one. These two churches have very different teachings on core doctrines, even though there are common threads. I know a great deal about the teaching of both churches.

But, why would you want a religious ceremony anyway if you don't attend church regularly? Would you be happy to get married in a wedding chapel with a minister recommended by the chapel? That might be a better solution. Or, what about getting married someplace such as a mansion, outdoors, etc. It might be a possible solution.

I'm not trying to say you don't need to have a religious ceremony. It's just going to be a challenge that might be more than you want to deal with. If faith were important to you, I'm assuming you would already be attending church on a regular basis.

It's a tough one. Best luck!!!

Answer 5

Pentecostal Wedding Vows

Answer 6

Truthfully, I don't think you have a chance of satisfying everyone. Many Catholics marry within the celebration of a mass. I don't know what traditions Pentecostals might observe, but I would guess it is far from a Catholic mass.

Check with the priest from the Catholic church. You may be able to skip the mass and just have the marriage. And, it may be possible to have the Pentecostal preacher witness the ceremony.

My most sincere suggestion is to find what satisfies the couple getting married (you & yours) and everyone else "deal" with it. If they withold financial or emotional support because of your decision...well, cross that bridge when/if you come to it.

Answer 7

Hi and congratulations!

I am Catholic. I have no idea what the pentecostal weddings are like...only the Catholic ones. But from what everyone on here is saying...their BELIEFS are very different.

You have 2 good points in your question...so I will throw the question back to you.....

1. Why are you trying to please everyone? Please yourself.
and
2. Why in the world do you want to get married in a church if you do not attend? That does not make sense.

You BOTH need to sit down and decide where you will be married....in a church (which one?) Or in another location. Then....notify your families where the wedding will be.

You can't please everyone!

Answer 8

First, congratulations on reaching the 10-yr Anniversary mark! So many couples are divorced within a just a few years, so congrats to you both on making it this far! Think about what kinds of things your husband enjoys. Does he have any hobbies? Is he into electronic gadgets of any kind? Is he a gamer perhaps? Is there anything he may have mentioned in conversation in recent months that he would like to have? Does he already have an iPod or GPS Navigation System for his car? I bought my husband a Garmin Nuvi 350 GPS for his birthday last year and he absolutely loves it! Is your husband into gardening, cooking, reading or anything else that might give you gift ideas? One day I overheard my husband talking to his sister on the phone about "one day" wanting to get an extension ladder, so a couple of weeks later I bought the exact one he mentioned wanting as a "just because" gift. He still doesn't know that I overheard the conversation and that is how I knew about it. :) Congrats and good luck!

Answer 9

sorry as a cathoilic only a catholic church will do.. but they wont marry outside the church..you can not please both sides.. better please your self on this one..i too married outside my faith..but like you i did not attend church.. this is your day..do what you want.. if it a church wedding at his church which will marry you do it. if it at a beach with a precher you don't really know.. ok to.. or if it in the back yard,.don't really matter .. the only thing that matters is that you love each other and it is your day.. make it special

Answer 10

Have a co-celebration. do not have a Catholic mass--just the marraige. Have each minister do the essential part so it is done twice and both families are satisfied.