My mother in law and baby!?

Question

Oh my god! I am pregnant with my first child, and he is due any day now pretty much! Okay, so my Mom in law is going to drive me nuts!!! First of all, she calls him "Her baby!" She says things like,"Take care of MY baby!" HE IS MY BABY! Secondly, I know she will stay in the room after I deliver ALL DAY LONG!! That is TOO MUCH!! My mom won't even stay that long! Lastly, her daughter just had a baby and I got a taste of how things will be and she treats that baby like it is hers,"LET ME CHANGE HER! LET ME FEED HER! I HAVE TO HOLD HER!" I know that she will try to take over when she is here visiting and it will drive me CRAZY! How do i handle this with class and without killing her?

Answer 1

Talk to your hus NOW, before the baby comes about how you are going to handle this stuff. He needs to take her aside if she starts that crazy stuff and nicely tell her it doesn't sound right for her to say those things.
If you tell the nurses to kick everyone out, they will. They LOVE getting rid of nutty in-laws. It makes their job easier. I would go ahead and decide how long everyone is allowed to stay after the baby is born and kick EVERYONE out when that time is up. You don't need that kind of hassle. You are going to be SO tired. I would also think about how much you are going to let folks come over after you go home. Let them (politely) know that if anyone comes over unannounced, no one will answer the door.
Be careful, though. Don't burn any bridges. You may decide you want someone to come over and take over once in a while. I remember how much I would have LOVED to have someone to watch my son so I could nap or shower or eat.
I feel for you. I worried about my MIL coming into the delivery room with me "since I've been there for ALL my grandchildren" (gag). I was lucky. The doc did a c-section and no one was allowed back except my hus. She STILL mentions how my son "is the ONLY one she didn't get to see born" (more gagging).
Good luck and best wishes.

Good Grief, People! Don't any of you remember what it was like when you had YOUR first child?? This isn't the grandmas first grandchild. Her daughter just had a baby. She can go over to her house a drive HER crazy. THIS lady just wants a chance to bond with her child and not be driven insane the first week. That's not much to ask.

Answer 2

OMG this sounds just like my situation...7 years ago my mum in law was just like this, she even use to sneak in bottle feeds behind my back (when i was breastfeeding my baby) adventually Becasue my husband at the time wouldnt say anything to her, I ended up very deppressed and my relationship with my husband got so rocky I decided to leave him. When I left my husband finally she stole the children from me and the police couldnt do anything as there was no court order in place at the time. Finally when I got to court I was told I may have to either agree to see the children zonce a fortnight or fight for custody that may take up to a year to actually happen. Becasue I wasnt going to wait a year not seeing the kids i agreed to the once a fortnight and today 7 years later im still fighting for them back...However this time the Ex is willing to give them to me 50 / 50, but she does not know this yet, im sure she will fight for them back again...She even has the eight year old sleeping in her bed at night !!! so BEWARE and BE STRONG from the begining

Answer 3

First of all, you do not have to allow anyone in the delivery room who you don't want in there. The hospital staff will help you there. Tell them you only want your husband, your mother (whoever you choose) to be with you.

If she comes in later and doesn't leave when you want, tell her you are exhausted and want to sleep. She surely would honor that request.

You're in a tough spot. When she comes to visit, you might begin to nurse the baby...she can't take him/her away when you're breastfeeding, right? You'll have to allow her to be a grandmother, she will want to hold, feed, change the baby some and she has that right. I understand your concern that she'll take over, though. If she begins to do that say, "I'm not feeling well. I'm going to take the baby to bed with me and get some rest." Then go to your bedroom with the baby and close the door. That's not rude, and she cannot argue with you about how you feel. After a few times of this, she'll get the idea.

I hope that helps.

Answer 4

My gf just became a first time grandma and she was like this too. She really didn't mean it was her baby, just her grandbaby. She also wanted to hold and change the baby a lot. Her son stepped in and told her to take it a little easier with the aggressive grandma stuff. It worked because she didn't realize how much she was annoying Mom. So have your hubby talk to her.

Answer 5

Most grandparent refer to their grand kids as their babies, it doesn't mean she actually think it is her baby. And if you don't want her there then tell her so. And the nurses are more then willing to ask people to leave so mom can sleep. And you should really be happy that she is one of those grandparents that want to be that involved with the grand kids. It may seem like it will be a pain now, but once you have your baby she will be a god send. It is nice to have someone that will be there to help and watch the baby so you can sleep. because you sure aren't going to get a lot at night! Count your blessings, it may not seem like it right now, but you will appreciate her some day.

Answer 6

You let her gush a little bit. Come on, the woman is a first time grandmother and it's only natural for her to be ecstatic and want to spend time with the baby. I would be mature enough to not let the "My baby" bother you---of course it's YOUR baby, and she knows that, but it is her son's baby and her grandbaby and she is excited as can be! If you're feeling tired after the birth, tell her you don't mean to be rude but you're really tired and need some rest. If she offers to come and stay with you after the baby is born tell her it's a really sweet offer, but you'd really like to spend your first few days as a mom bonding with your new little one but you will call on her for help if you need it. Just make sure you tell her how much you appreciate her offering. Someday you will be glad to have someone that wants to help out with changings and feedings---trust me!

Answer 7

my daughters grandma is like that it didnt bother me it gave me a break so i could do the things i needed to do. if i needed help or didnt know what to do she'd help me. if she trying to stay the entire day day just say id like a break 4rm all these people in here so i can bond with my baby or have ur husband talk with his mom. maybe she will chill out since she has other grand kids

Answer 8

you will possibly be able to desire to attitude gently and tell her which you delight in her helping you yet you are the mummy and you're making the selections approximately her not you(companion's mom). Have your husband to assist back you up and make beneficial that it comes in the time of in an outstanding and loving way or you will possibly be able to wreck her emotions. different clever in case you do not say something quickly then the greater/longer you bottle it up the greater serious it's going to be and you will possibly be able to wind up bitting her head off on night once you get abode and you do not choose that.

Answer 9

well i'd let her have her way for a day or so because she is happy and proud to have another grandbaby. her daughter just had a baby and she was excited about it so let her be excited for your baby too. she sounds like a very loving person but you know her better than i ever will.

let her be a grandmama. :)

Answer 10

Be honest. Tell her you appreciate all her help, but that you need a little space. Or you can ask her son to have a word with her if you feel more comfortable that way.