How can I stop being bitter about past events?

Question

I'm not saying that I've had the hardest life imaginable, because I know that there are people who have had it much worse than I have. However, I've had some pretty bad experiences and there are a lot of people against whom I hold some major grudges. How can I get rid of the bitterness, hatred, and anger? Believe me, I've made sincere efforts to do so! I've talked to a therapist, I've taken meds, and I've done cognitive behavioral therapy exercises, but I'm STILL angry! What can I do?

Answer 1

What kind of person do you want to be if you don't want to be bitter and angry. I feel life is full of choices. We have all got a story to tell about something bad ......ect.....I have CHOSE to move past it. What happened in the past is a part of who I have become...it is NOT who I am now. It is in the past and cannot be changed but my future is still being made in front of me and it is my choice what direction it takes.

Answer 2

Well I personally didnt find therapy effective enough either. I had to become the expert of my own life, and I was able to do that with a little insight and a bunch of self help books. I had ongoing grudges against family members and past friends and what really helped me was developing the ability to empathize (i.e. understanding the inner experience of the other person). I find that when someone behaves in an insensitive manner towards me, they tend to reveal enough information about themselves that I can see how they are suffering in some form and I can take their words and actions less personally. It was developing this ability to understand that was key for me. One book that really offered some essential insight was called 'Nasty People' by Jay Carter.

As you probably picked up from CBT, how we think has a significant effect on how we feel. Sometimes it requires changing certain beliefs we hold about ourselves and about life. Some books that helped me do this included 'The Five Things We Cannot Change' by David Richo and 'A Guide To Rational Living' by Albert Ellis.

Best wishes.

Answer 3

Oh, I feel your pain, as I have trouble getting over the bad experiences in my life, too. And people can tell me all they want that being angry at someone is letting them take up space in my head rent-free, but kicking out the emotional demons is WAY easier said than done. You can visualize crumpling up the negative thoughts and tossing them, but they have a way of coming back, don't they? And you can try to let go of the anger, but that doesn't always work either.

If you can, try to cut the people who have harmed you and against whom you hold grudges out of your life. It wasn't too hard for me to ensure I'll never have to see most of the people who hurt me--I no longer live in the town where I grew up, and when I do visit my family there, the chances of running into the jerks who bullied me is pretty small, save for one cousin, and I limit my interactions with her as much as possible.

All medications do is blunt all your feelings, good and bad. Medication will only fix your brain chemistry, but it cannot stop unhappy thoughts from springing unbidden into your brain. One book that might help you, though, is "Feeling Good" by David Burns. A therapist recommended it for me when my ex left me in a spectacularly cruel way, and it helped to some extent. Yoga also helps me center myself. If you can't take classes, at least try yogic breathing and meditation.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Is it even possible to hurt the others as badly as you've been hurt? I didn't thnk so. The damage has been done... persist in your anger [which you may be entitled to!], and you give THEM victory forever. Anger and bitterness knock YOU off of YOUR game--why play into their hands? "Outliving your enemies is the best revenge," is one quote I've heard, along with "Revenge is a dish best served cold." Know that they are mere humans--as you are. Maybe you can be the BETTER human by rising above it. Good luck!

Answer 5

Making new good memories helps. Let the chimpy take care of that for you. You'll be dreaming about it for a long time.

Answer 6

It's hard. for me ijust need to vent to someone (and of course they have to tell me i'm right) and I feel better
tell me what yo're mad about..

I'm pissed that 8 years ago i was in a wreck and she lied (rewrote her police report) and got off. I'm still pissed, but this here makes me feel better

Answer 7

get a punching bag picture the bag as the person you have so much anger on